(Mis)Adventures of Cosmogirl

Sunday, February 15, 2009

I can't think of any other way to start this entry other than saying:

I have never been so sure in my entire life.

So, its a YES. Definitely, no second thoughts about it.

Its just that from the time we told our parents that we have selected a date and a year to get married, I have been bombarded with the question of whether I'm sure of what I'm getting into. And without a hint of doubt, I tell them, I am.

Maybe in this generation, women getting married (without the baby bump) at the age of 24 may seem totally insane and really impulsive, but I have no hesitations. They say I have my whole life ahead of me, and I agree, all the more reason not to prolong the waiting and spend the rest of it with the man who has shown me the deeper meaning of it. Some say that I might meet another person in the future, but I believe that love isn't just a feeling, but a commitment. To be with the other person for good times and bad, to love and stay in love, and work on being in love for the rest of your lives. If we work on friendship, why the heck can't we work on love?

Needless to say, I have no doubts. Besides, I'm marrying one of my very best friends, the one person in the universe who can make me laugh and smile even at the most difficult times. So I don't understand why some people think its suffocating to get married. Of course there are certain things that you can only do when you're single, but I don't think its the end of freedom. I'm just looking forward to spend the days and nights laughing and having a good time with my babe. People scare us by saying that being boyfriend-girlfriend is so far from being husband and wife. But some happily married people I trust tell me that sometimes they don't feel the difference and they wake up still head over heels with the person they fell in love with years ago. I prefer to believe the latter. I'm not going to believe that every marriage is doomed when I am just getting there. I think I know my fiancee pretty well and he knows me, but if we're going to find out something about each when we become husband and wife, then that makes it all the more exciting don't you think?

Another issue being thrown at me is being un-domesticated. "Sure ka na ba? Walang maid, kaya mo? Maglaba, mag-alaga ng bata? Magluto, maglinis ng bahay, kaya mo?" Eh hindi naman ako nag-aapply bilang katulong ah! Haha just kidding. Well, I'm not the most industrious person at home, and I admit to have grown up with maids, but, I've dabbled on doing the laundry, washing dishes, cleaning and cooking at one point (I am even a decent baker I believe, I can whip up a mean blueberry cheesecake!), so I don't think my future family is doomed. Besides, I am determined to be the best for them, and you can't go wrong with passion and determination.

Recently, while looking for means to increase our savings and budget for the wedding, I have discovered that I have a flair for business, something I never thought I had. So, who knows? There are facets of me that are yet to be tapped. I might be the good homemaker that you never imagined. I love kids and I seem to have more patience for them than other girls I know so that could be a start. I look up to my mom a lot. She empowers a lot of women even when she is "just a housewife" (was, now she's an entrepreneur). I know that being a homemaker is no easy feat. You know, I wasn't trained to be the most hospitable girl in suburbia, but this I know for sure. I love the man who will be my husband. He is really good to me, and I will do my best to make him feel loved and taken cared of. He deserves the best and that's exactly how hard I'll try. Anyway, he's a boy scout, he can cook his own food naman if I ruin dinner. Hahaha joke lang babe :)

On a lighter note, despite these somewhat party-pooper questions, I know that they (family and friends) mean well. That's how loved we both are. And I'm sooo not discouraged. I have never been this sure. I just listen to their comments to avoing being rude, but no one will ever make me change my mind. The plans on where we'll settle down and how we'll battle the long distance haven't been laid out yet, but I know that I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. In fact, I just want all these questions, the preparations to go by so that I can already be with him, forever.

We have just finalized the date and the church where the ceremony will take place. It's where I have always dreamed of marrying him. From one theme in mind, we decided to go with another which suits the season when we'll get married. It's so us, in every sense of the word, or words.

You may ask how he's doing with all the preparations. He's dealing with it like a perfect gentleman. Offering inputs and letting his bride let her creativity out. Being generous and patient with her over-anxious and OC fiancee. He is every bride's dream groom. Hahaha. I love him with all my heart. He makes me even more excited to hear that line, "I now pronounce you, husband and wife." I may be a little scatterbrained, and my vision of the dream wedding changes from time to time, but only one factor remains constant. Him, waiting for me at the altar, in his sincere reassuring debonaire smile that makes me want to rush to his arms in a heartbeat.

Now, that's where all the mush went :) kiliiiig... :))

This song I'm feeling right now:
Breathe - Faith Hill
I can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way
I watch the sunlight dance across your face and
I'veNever been this swept away

All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze
When I'm lying wrapped up in your arms
The whole world just fades away
The only thing I hearIs the beating of your heart

'Cause I can feel you breathe
It's washing over me
Suddenly I'm melting into you
There's nothing left to prove
Baby all we need is just to be
Caught up in the touch
The slow and steady rush
Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be
I can feel you breathe
Just breathe

**so on some days i will be blogging about my experiences in preparing for my wedding. Watchout, I might become bridezilla! hahaha i hope not...

another adventure for COSMOGIRL!

Sunday, January 11, 2009

The Romanticist
Passion guides her beyond the world around her. She considers life an adventure and revels in the opportunity to realize her deepest emotions. The Romanticist is transported by a dress. For her, fantasy is always a reality. Her innate femininity and love of beauty can inspire a gown of enchantment.

The Romanticist is dreamily captivated by creating an ethereal vision of a world that is filled with enchantment and whimsy. Delicate ruffles, billowing sleeves or a lavish train fully bustled are some of the extravagant details that epitomize a romantic wedding gown. Whether it’s a tulle confection worthy of Degas or an ode to Scarlet O’Hara, the romanticist refuses to shy away from anything pretty. Her choice of attire never betrays her true nature. For her, looking girlish need not mean sacrificing style. Femininity and flirtation are her preferred tools of seduction, and she embraces them equally.

another adventure for COSMOGIRL!

Monday, January 05, 2009

the most painful

...moment of my 2008.
...tragedy in my family.
...way to lose someone you love.
...way to say goodbye.

We miss you Ice. YOu made my brother happy, he makes us happy, therefore, you make us happy.

We won't forget your little trinkets for us on Christmas, your steady, cheery personality that made my brother the happy, positive person that he is. Your timid and sincere wave, your voice and your smile and your genuine laugh.

I will never forget the look you gave Boggs when he was late to meet you at his graduation. It was like I had a peak of how truly you cared for him. When you woke up early in the morning, left your class so that you can prepared and look extra-special for him that day in a lovely dress and make-up. ah, Love's loss. Now all he wears is black, goes to your tomb everyday, and when he smiles, something is missing... He is my brother, really close to my heart and it pierces me everytime I think that his joy would never be complete.

Everything was so sudden, so unfair. Until now nothing about what happened to you seems justifiable. We always keep saying, "there's a reason for everything," but still, no explanation seems good enough. Like the mind won't accept, and the heart refuses to listen. For a while, faith didn't stand a chance on me. The experience was so painful its numbing; heartbreaking, a thousand times over.

I see your face in your mother's...everytime I look at her. How it lights up. Poor Tita, Poor Kuya LA. Poor Boggs. Thinking about them shatters my heart, over and over again.

Everytime I think of you I still want to cry.

But I know, you want all of us to move on, and think of you with loving memory. And we will try, for you. Until its not as painful anymore.

But we will never forget you. You are deeply loved by us.

another adventure for COSMOGIRL!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

one word. five letters. you should try saying that sometimes.

maybe that's all i need.

another adventure for COSMOGIRL!

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Another one passed away. We're not closely related, but he's the dad of my brother's girlfriend. And it makes our whole family sad. Maybe because Ice is really a nice person, she has always been sweet to our family and understanding to my brother. So she's in pain and we can't help but feel for her. Also, she's celebrating her birthday this month, graduating in early 2009. And its almost Christmas. How untimely her father's death is. How can you celebrate with such loss?
I'm mostly sad because of regret. Not on my part of course, but on his loved ones. It was all so sudden. On a lazy Monday afternoon, a holiday, while his only daughter was in the kitchen, he just collapsed and fell unconscious. Things went by so fast after that. He was rushed to the hospital, slip into a coma, and didn't wake up since. He died yesterday, three days after the collapse. Just last weekend, I remember my brother coming with their family in Tagaytay, for a family reunion and celebration of some sort. He must have been exhausted with the trip. Although I think he didn't have any medical history prior to that. Anyway, I hope he was able to spend the best time with his family in that weekend.

That's the part that really makes me sad. With his passing away being so sudden, there are words left unspoken, acts of love and assurance that was not performed. Hugs and kisses to each other, from both ends. I know Ice to be a sweet and loving daughter, and I can only imagine what goes on inside her mind and how she's feeling now. The coma didn't even give them the chance to talk. Nothing. It was a shock. I feel depressed thinking about it.

Anyway, like they always say, he's in a better place now. And the only thing left to do is pray for him. As I couldn't get over the fact of words left unsaid, I guess theLord has His ways for the unsaid and the undone. Maybe they are stored in a special place and then they will be delivered in form of dreams or other supernatural means to get the message across. I sincerely hope so.

Anyway, I'm proud of my brother, for standing by his girlfriend's side all throughout this phase. From the time that she called to say her dad has collapsed up to now, he's with her. And its the longest that he hasn't come home. Its a sign that he's serious about their relationship.

Anyway, I am a fearful person, and having regrets is another one to add to my list of fears. I don't want to live life and leave life with regrets.

But to end with a happy note, I did not only receive bad news last night, but good ones as well. I just learned that close friends of mine, a couple, are expecting a baby! I heard it from my mom, and the new mom just called me this morning to tell me personally. They're having a baby.... How cute is that? To think that I only arranged their wedding two months ago! Oh well, how time flies... and its a wonderful blessing and Christmas gift for them. :)

oh life.... :)

another adventure for COSMOGIRL!

Friday, November 28, 2008

I am impulsive. That's one trait I love and hate. Sometimes my emotions get the better of me, words come out wrong.

So before any misunderstanding occurs, know this: I love you. Unconditionally. I may seem like I'm having a hard time with you sometimes, but my love for you never diminishes. It just keeps on growing.

So don't believe my blog if it seems that I'm wringing in pain because of you. Because my heart knows better. You make me happy more than you make me sad. Period. No one else will ever make my heart leap with so much joy. Period. I love you forever. Period.

another adventure for COSMOGIRL!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Maybe I'm tired of making excuses for you...why you're being so distant and cold.
Maybe I just want to see you, feel you do the things you said you would do. Maybe I'm sick of waiting. For something to come from your end. Maybe I'm tired of always being the first one to say hi. Or ask you how you are. Of starting the conversation between us...of asking stupid questions just so I can talk to you and know how you're doing.

Maybe I'm sick of waiting for things to become normal again. Or rather, to become exciting and fun again, as it usually is for the two of us.

Maybe we should try switching places. Maybe I should not email you or text you at all. And then you'll wonder what I'm doing. If I'm okay, and then you'll make up silly questions just to be able to talk to me, and feel that I'm still here. And then you'll know how it feels to be on my end of the bargain. Maybe I want to regain my pride and do that, just wait for your text or email, or call... But I know that I can't help it. I'll miss you too much. My day's not complete without hearing from you. Maybe I should try that.

Or maybe, as you put it, I'm being makulit. Maybe I'm rushing things. Maybe I'm being too impatient. Maybe I'm ungrateful, that at least you text me when you get home just for me to know that your safe. Because that's what's important right?

Or maybe I just really miss you. Your silly jokes and your comments. And our talks. And you calling me. Your voice. You making me laugh incessantly. Your 'I love yous'. Our 'i love yous.' I know, its just that you make everyday brighter for me. Like I have someone with me as I go through my day, however good or bad or boring or exciting it may be.

So now I feel lonely... and I cant tell anyone... because I know, I'm hopeful things will turn up when you come back. And of course I know you love me. Immeasurably. That is something that's not a maybe. So I'll hold on, until that day. I won't give up on us. Not today, not ever.

I just cant wait for the day when I'll wrap you in a tight embrace, and then I'll know how it feels to be in bliss again. So now I'll just let these tears flow, along with my many frustrations and fears of the unknown, and hopefully in time, you'll be here to wipe them off my face. And then you'll light up my day, like you always do.

You said you would do it again. I'm waiting.

another adventure for COSMOGIRL!