Sitting on the Outside, Standing Up on the Inside

a glimpse of the mushy bride-to-be ( before I turn into bridezilla!)

2009-02-15T23:05:00.000-08:00

I can't think of any other way to start this entry other than saying:

I have never been so sure in my entire life.

So, its a YES. Definitely, no second thoughts about it.

Its just that from the time we told our parents that we have selected a date and a year to get married, I have been bombarded with the question of whether I'm sure of what I'm getting into. And without a hint of doubt, I tell them, I am.

Maybe in this generation, women getting married (without the baby bump) at the age of 24 may seem totally insane and really impulsive, but I have no hesitations. They say I have my whole life ahead of me, and I agree, all the more reason not to prolong the waiting and spend the rest of it with the man who has shown me the deeper meaning of it. Some say that I might meet another person in the future, but I believe that love isn't just a feeling, but a commitment. To be with the other person for good times and bad, to love and stay in love, and work on being in love for the rest of your lives. If we work on friendship, why the heck can't we work on love?

Needless to say, I have no doubts. Besides, I'm marrying one of my very best friends, the one person in the universe who can make me laugh and smile even at the most difficult times. So I don't understand why some people think its suffocating to get married. Of course there are certain things that you can only do when you're single, but I don't think its the end of freedom. I'm just looking forward to spend the days and nights laughing and having a good time with my babe. People scare us by saying that being boyfriend-girlfriend is so far from being husband and wife. But some happily married people I trust tell me that sometimes they don't feel the difference and they wake up still head over heels with the person they fell in love with years ago. I prefer to believe the latter. I'm not going to believe that every marriage is doomed when I am just getting there. I think I know my fiancee pretty well and he knows me, but if we're going to find out something about each when we become husband and wife, then that makes it all the more exciting don't you think?

Another issue being thrown at me is being un-domesticated. "Sure ka na ba? Walang maid, kaya mo? Maglaba, mag-alaga ng bata? Magluto, maglinis ng bahay, kaya mo?" Eh hindi naman ako nag-aapply bilang katulong ah! Haha just kidding. Well, I'm not the most industrious person at home, and I admit to have grown up with maids, but, I've dabbled on doing the laundry, washing dishes, cleaning and cooking at one point (I am even a decent baker I believe, I can whip up a mean blueberry cheesecake!), so I don't think my future family is doomed. Besides, I am determined to be the best for them, and you can't go wrong with passion and determination.

Recently, while looking for means to increase our savings and budget for the wedding, I have discovered that I have a flair for business, something I never thought I had. So, who knows? There are facets of me that are yet to be tapped. I might be the good homemaker that you never imagined. I love kids and I seem to have more patience for them than other girls I know so that could be a start. I look up to my mom a lot. She empowers a lot of women even when she is "just a housewife" (was, now she's an entrepreneur). I know that being a homemaker is no easy feat. You know, I wasn't trained to be the most hospitable girl in suburbia, but this I know for sure. I love the man who will be my husband. He is really good to me, and I will do my best to make him feel loved and taken cared of. He deserves the best and that's exactly how hard I'll try. Anyway, he's a boy scout, he can cook his own food naman if I ruin dinner. Hahaha joke lang babe :)

On a lighter note, despite these somewhat party-pooper questions, I know that they (family and friends) mean well. That's how loved we both are. And I'm sooo not discouraged. I have never been this sure. I just listen to their comments to avoing being rude, but no one will ever make me change my mind. The plans on where we'll settle down and how we'll battle the long distance haven't been laid out yet, but I know that I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. In fact, I just want all these questions, the preparations to go by so that I can already be with him, forever.

We have just finalized the date and the church where the ceremony will take place. It's where I have always dreamed of marrying him. From one theme in mind, we decided to go with another which suits the season when we'll get married. It's so us, in every sense of the word, or words.

You may ask how he's doing with all the preparations. He's dealing with it like a perfect gentleman. Offering inputs and letting his bride let her creativity out. Being generous and patient with her over-anxious and OC fiancee. He is every bride's dream groom. Hahaha. I love him with all my heart. He makes me even more excited to hear that line, "I now pronounce you, husband and wife." I may be a little scatterbrained, and my vision of the dream wedding changes from time to time, but only one factor remains constant. Him, waiting for me at the altar, in his sincere reassuring debonaire smile that makes me want to rush to his arms in a heartbeat.

Now, that's where all the mush went :) kiliiiig... :))

This song I'm feeling right now:
Breathe - Faith Hill
I can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way
I watch the sunlight dance across your face and
I'veNever been this swept away

All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze
When I'm lying wrapped up in your arms
The whole world just fades away
The only thing I hearIs the beating of your heart

'Cause I can feel you breathe
It's washing over me
Suddenly I'm melting into you
There's nothing left to prove
Baby all we need is just to be
Caught up in the touch
The slow and steady rush
Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be
I can feel you breathe
Just breathe

**so on some days i will be blogging about my experiences in preparing for my wedding. Watchout, I might become bridezilla! hahaha i hope not...

My wedding dress style according to Vera Wang

2009-01-11T21:53:00.000-08:00

The Romanticist
Passion guides her beyond the world around her. She considers life an adventure and revels in the opportunity to realize her deepest emotions. The Romanticist is transported by a dress. For her, fantasy is always a reality. Her innate femininity and love of beauty can inspire a gown of enchantment.

The Romanticist is dreamily captivated by creating an ethereal vision of a world that is filled with enchantment and whimsy. Delicate ruffles, billowing sleeves or a lavish train fully bustled are some of the extravagant details that epitomize a romantic wedding gown. Whether it’s a tulle confection worthy of Degas or an ode to Scarlet O’Hara, the romanticist refuses to shy away from anything pretty. Her choice of attire never betrays her true nature. For her, looking girlish need not mean sacrificing style. Femininity and flirtation are her preferred tools of seduction, and she embraces them equally.

the most painful

2009-01-05T22:54:00.000-08:00

the most painful

...moment of my 2008.
...tragedy in my family.
...way to lose someone you love.
...way to say goodbye.

We miss you Ice. YOu made my brother happy, he makes us happy, therefore, you make us happy.

We won't forget your little trinkets for us on Christmas, your steady, cheery personality that made my brother the happy, positive person that he is. Your timid and sincere wave, your voice and your smile and your genuine laugh.

I will never forget the look you gave Boggs when he was late to meet you at his graduation. It was like I had a peak of how truly you cared for him. When you woke up early in the morning, left your class so that you can prepared and look extra-special for him that day in a lovely dress and make-up. ah, Love's loss. Now all he wears is black, goes to your tomb everyday, and when he smiles, something is missing... He is my brother, really close to my heart and it pierces me everytime I think that his joy would never be complete.

Everything was so sudden, so unfair. Until now nothing about what happened to you seems justifiable. We always keep saying, "there's a reason for everything," but still, no explanation seems good enough. Like the mind won't accept, and the heart refuses to listen. For a while, faith didn't stand a chance on me. The experience was so painful its numbing; heartbreaking, a thousand times over.

I see your face in your mother's...everytime I look at her. How it lights up. Poor Tita, Poor Kuya LA. Poor Boggs. Thinking about them shatters my heart, over and over again.

Everytime I think of you I still want to cry.

But I know, you want all of us to move on, and think of you with loving memory. And we will try, for you. Until its not as painful anymore.

But we will never forget you. You are deeply loved by us.

sorry.

2008-12-11T23:55:00.000-08:00

one word. five letters. you should try saying that sometimes.

maybe that's all i need.

of endings and beginnings

2008-12-04T19:51:00.000-08:00

Another one passed away. We're not closely related, but he's the dad of my brother's girlfriend. And it makes our whole family sad. Maybe because Ice is really a nice person, she has always been sweet to our family and understanding to my brother. So she's in pain and we can't help but feel for her. Also, she's celebrating her birthday this month, graduating in early 2009. And its almost Christmas. How untimely her father's death is. How can you celebrate with such loss?
I'm mostly sad because of regret. Not on my part of course, but on his loved ones. It was all so sudden. On a lazy Monday afternoon, a holiday, while his only daughter was in the kitchen, he just collapsed and fell unconscious. Things went by so fast after that. He was rushed to the hospital, slip into a coma, and didn't wake up since. He died yesterday, three days after the collapse. Just last weekend, I remember my brother coming with their family in Tagaytay, for a family reunion and celebration of some sort. He must have been exhausted with the trip. Although I think he didn't have any medical history prior to that. Anyway, I hope he was able to spend the best time with his family in that weekend.

That's the part that really makes me sad. With his passing away being so sudden, there are words left unspoken, acts of love and assurance that was not performed. Hugs and kisses to each other, from both ends. I know Ice to be a sweet and loving daughter, and I can only imagine what goes on inside her mind and how she's feeling now. The coma didn't even give them the chance to talk. Nothing. It was a shock. I feel depressed thinking about it.

Anyway, like they always say, he's in a better place now. And the only thing left to do is pray for him. As I couldn't get over the fact of words left unsaid, I guess theLord has His ways for the unsaid and the undone. Maybe they are stored in a special place and then they will be delivered in form of dreams or other supernatural means to get the message across. I sincerely hope so.

Anyway, I'm proud of my brother, for standing by his girlfriend's side all throughout this phase. From the time that she called to say her dad has collapsed up to now, he's with her. And its the longest that he hasn't come home. Its a sign that he's serious about their relationship.

Anyway, I am a fearful person, and having regrets is another one to add to my list of fears. I don't want to live life and leave life with regrets.

But to end with a happy note, I did not only receive bad news last night, but good ones as well. I just learned that close friends of mine, a couple, are expecting a baby! I heard it from my mom, and the new mom just called me this morning to tell me personally. They're having a baby.... How cute is that? To think that I only arranged their wedding two months ago! Oh well, how time flies... and its a wonderful blessing and Christmas gift for them. :)

oh life.... :)

no matter what

2008-11-28T00:48:00.000-08:00

I am impulsive. That's one trait I love and hate. Sometimes my emotions get the better of me, words come out wrong.

So before any misunderstanding occurs, know this: I love you. Unconditionally. I may seem like I'm having a hard time with you sometimes, but my love for you never diminishes. It just keeps on growing.

So don't believe my blog if it seems that I'm wringing in pain because of you. Because my heart knows better. You make me happy more than you make me sad. Period. No one else will ever make my heart leap with so much joy. Period. I love you forever. Period.

maybe i'm just bored...

2008-11-27T01:44:00.000-08:00

Maybe I'm tired of making excuses for you...why you're being so distant and cold.
Maybe I just want to see you, feel you do the things you said you would do. Maybe I'm sick of waiting. For something to come from your end. Maybe I'm tired of always being the first one to say hi. Or ask you how you are. Of starting the conversation between us...of asking stupid questions just so I can talk to you and know how you're doing.

Maybe I'm sick of waiting for things to become normal again. Or rather, to become exciting and fun again, as it usually is for the two of us.

Maybe we should try switching places. Maybe I should not email you or text you at all. And then you'll wonder what I'm doing. If I'm okay, and then you'll make up silly questions just to be able to talk to me, and feel that I'm still here. And then you'll know how it feels to be on my end of the bargain. Maybe I want to regain my pride and do that, just wait for your text or email, or call... But I know that I can't help it. I'll miss you too much. My day's not complete without hearing from you. Maybe I should try that.

Or maybe, as you put it, I'm being makulit. Maybe I'm rushing things. Maybe I'm being too impatient. Maybe I'm ungrateful, that at least you text me when you get home just for me to know that your safe. Because that's what's important right?

Or maybe I just really miss you. Your silly jokes and your comments. And our talks. And you calling me. Your voice. You making me laugh incessantly. Your 'I love yous'. Our 'i love yous.' I know, its just that you make everyday brighter for me. Like I have someone with me as I go through my day, however good or bad or boring or exciting it may be.

So now I feel lonely... and I cant tell anyone... because I know, I'm hopeful things will turn up when you come back. And of course I know you love me. Immeasurably. That is something that's not a maybe. So I'll hold on, until that day. I won't give up on us. Not today, not ever.

I just cant wait for the day when I'll wrap you in a tight embrace, and then I'll know how it feels to be in bliss again. So now I'll just let these tears flow, along with my many frustrations and fears of the unknown, and hopefully in time, you'll be here to wipe them off my face. And then you'll light up my day, like you always do.

You said you would do it again. I'm waiting.

career mode

2008-11-24T16:22:00.000-08:00

I'm already in my new office.

Well, not too many stories yet. I'm still in the period of adjusting... The people are nice. Not too much on the ugok side which I miss about my previous job, but it's too early to say since I'm only on my first week.

So far, I'm still learning the ropes of the operations here, and I'm trying to get my groove back in writing, since I haven't written or even looked at a press release for a while. Right now I'm immersing myself in the operations.

Actually, this is a far cry from what I have been doing in my previous job. If I were to compare the two, I'd say that what I did before was child's play. Unlike before where I can really take my sweet time doing what I have to do, now I have big responsibilites and what I'd do would have major impact in our division. It's challenging and exciting at the same time.

Well, be careful with what you wish for right? Anyway, I'm not gonna sulk and give up that easily. This is an opportunity for me to grow and be recognized. Its already a lot of pressure, but I have to step up and prove myself worthy of all of this.

I will do this. I can do this.

clueless

2008-11-22T23:35:00.000-08:00

I cry when I'm upset, I'm restless when I'm excited. I'm afraid of too many things, and sometimes my imagination gets the better of me.

My friends say that I'm too giving for my own good. And I care too much that I tend to meddle. My family say that I'm a dork. But I please them as much as I can.

Sometimes people don't know that they hurt me, but I don't care, and its not a big deal. I forgive them because I love them.

I used to say, that I want to have the power to love someone passionately. But maybe, for someone with a weak heart as me, I should take the reins and get a hold of it. Because no matter how I say that its okay and pretend that it didn't matter when they hurt me, this heart gives out a sudden jolt and shakes its head, because it knows that the wounds from those it love the most are the ones that causes so much pain...

When I love someone, I love them to annoyance. Most of the time, when I love them so much, its a lot that I drive them away.
Maybe I shouldn't love as much, to be able to keep them.
I used to hold back a lot, afraid that they might hurt me if I let my feelings out. But they all mistook it for oblivion, so they left.
But now that I love and give it all I got, now that I wear my heart on my sleeves, it drowns them, enough to take the next ship out. And so I still hurt them.

So now I don't know... for he really matters to me. Needless to say, I can't live without him. But I keep hurting him, so maybe its best to set him free. But I know that's not what my heart wants for me. Because even though he hurts me at times, and it feels like my heart is being shattered, he still makes me the happiest girl in the universe. My love for him is... beyond words. I would do anything to keep him and make him happy...

Hay... Lord, give me wisdom..and courage... to do the next right thing. I know you love me, and you know what's best for me. I believe in your plan... and I will be faithful.

E1

2008-11-20T23:40:00.000-08:00

My first exercise...

Delaying Gratification

We were never that close to begin with; and there was even a point that I was hesitant with your friendship. I respected you, but never really treasured the moments that we had. Your presence annoyed me sometimes, so I treated you with a little indifference, tried to put a distance between, when you were reaching out to get to know me.

It never dawned on me that you'll be gone so soon. You looked so strong; classified among the sporty types. A little pale in my opinion, but I never thought it was because you were sick.

So when news spread that you were diagnosed with a serious disease, I was shocked. I always thought of you as the brave, arrogant one, so I somehow believed that you were going to be okay. There were times that I wanted to visit, but other things would always keep me occupied. I never thought the time left would be so short.

And now you have passed and I can’t believe it. You seemed so young and had your whole life ahead of you. Most of our friends refer to you as their basketball coach; my brothers experienced being under your coaching. They saw you as a dedicated and friendly mentor. They would surely miss you on the sidelines. I wasn’t that close to your kids who are all so young, but I can tell when you take care of them and provide for them, that you are a loving father. It would have been great for them to still have you around as they grow up.

But what I really admired from you was how you looked at your wife. You had some sort of brusque personality; joking around with the other men, acting all sly and self-assured, but when you hold her hand and puts her before anything, you looked so cool in my eyes.

With the way you stay by her side, you could have gotten jeers from the other men; but it was evident, that after many years of marriage, you and Tita still had stars in your eyes; showing your affection for her did not make you dyahe, instead you looked so proud. I envied your wife for that, and considered you a rarity among men. I wish someday, my husband would be as affectionate, as demonstrative with his feelings for me. I always tell you that, and that might be the single compliment that I sincerely gave you.

The last time I saw you, it was a common friend’s party, and I was busily running around the place since I was one of the organizers. I noticed you and Tita, sitting far away from your peers. You had the table to yourselves; it was like you were on a date. I really thought it was sweet, and I made it known to you when I approached your table to give you a stub for a cupcake. Had I known that it would be the last time that I would see you alive, I would have laughed with you more, spent time to honor you.

I wondered how you looked at Tita on your last eye-to-eye, how you poured your love on your last heart-to-heart conversation. I could have been there. I could have learned more from you. I could have asked for your support in my concerns and supported you as well. I could have swooned at your story on how you fell in love with Tita. I could have asked you what is was about her that makes you look at her that way. How should I be so that my future husband would also have that look for me? It would have been a great bonding moment; and I could have talked to you about YFC, and how important your contribution was.

But alas, your time is over and I would just be stuck on hearing anecdotes about you on your burial. And the “Thank You”s are long overdue. But as they say, it’s better late than never.

I believe that the people we meet in this life are just there by chance. I believe they come into our lives with a purpose; a lesson. So thank you for being a part of mine. It was a short stint, and somehow there are a few regrets from my end, only because I didn’t take the time to know you more and empathize.

You were a great man. And when that time comes that my husband looks at me with stars in his eyes, I will surely be reminded of you.

Fear of the Unknown

2008-11-20T19:23:00.000-08:00

I have been struggling with writer's block for days now. But a talk with a really good friend, former colleague and accomplished writer told me to just dive in, and write. Battle fear of the unknown.

I think this writer's block can be attributed to the pressure I feel now that I have a new job. I haven't written a press release for a while, let alone a decent essay, in my opinion. So the thought of my new colleagues and bosses, expecting a superb material from me on my first week at work makes me very anxious.

Maybe its also because of recent situations that keep me feeling lost. Spontaneity doesn't suit me well. This 'whatever will be, will be' thinking confuses me on the real score. If I should be happy, or sad. If I am inspired or not. If I need to worry, or I can relax. I'm not good with mystery. I want to know the answers, to find my balance; to be at peace.

But rambling about my problem won't do any good; it will only keep me restless for the remaining days that I prepare for work. So what Des said made sense. I should just, go on and write. She had a really good (not to mention hilarious) writing exercise that she shared with me, that I am going to try to do.

Exercises that will be posted here. Writing in the computer instead of in a journal using a pen allows me to edit, view and proofread my work. This also saves memory for our PC, since as much as we can, we try to remove unnecessary files from our hard disk.

So... wish me luck. I know I can do it.

more than words

2008-11-19T03:30:00.000-08:00

I am a writer, words are my weapon. Most of the time the best lines are just up on my sleeves.

But you know what else I wear on my sleeves? My heart.

And its screaming its veins off for you to hear, and listen up. And simply believe this, I LOVE YOU.

its the seven-letter word that follows, and I mean this with all of me - FOREVER.

Nuff said, for now. I'll see you in a month and I'll give you a big kiss and a big hug, then you'll see...

I'm a woman of my word.

Listen

2008-11-18T22:52:00.000-08:00

I refuse to give up my voice again, just so everything will be easier.

If we have to talk, we will talk. No more hiding and shutting up this time.

I deserve to be heard. You deserve to hear me.

I'm done holding my tongue. This is me, speaking up.

Home

2008-11-09T03:18:00.000-08:00

Intro: D – G

D D D/F# G
You have called me by name and I followed You
D G D/F# G
My heart is in flame for I know I'm one of the few
Bm
Though unworthy I am
A
You gave me the chance
G
to be the best I can
Bm A
For I was away and I was astray
G
but here I am standing before You

CHORUS:
D-G-D/F# G
I am home (back into your arms)
D-G-D/F# G
I am home (in the warmth of your love)
Em D/F# G
I lose my hold and You reach my hand
A
You held me up
D
I'm truly home

This song has been my battlecry lately...
six months... I guess that's the longest I've gone without service. And it feels, completely draining sometimes. Like being lost. I know my faith will not falter, but it just feels different to be in that crossroad once again. I mean, I was never the black sheep type of person, but I really felt what they call spiritual dryness over the past couple of months.
Maybe it is because of guilt, knowing that despite of all the blessings that he has given me for the past 23 years, and the overflowing blessings for my family and loved ones, there's just some things I can't fully surrender. I know He can give me everything I ever wanted and more, but for this part of the bargain, I just can't, or won't give it, leave it all up to Him. I'm embarrassed that He's being shortchanged, kind of. So somehow, I feel like I don't deserve to be here. To be in the community. I am living in sin... and somehow, I don't want to completely get out of there.
It's when... I always say that I believe, I trust in His plans, but, for some reason, I am not giving Him the full authority over it. I'm acting, behaving like a normal girl... when I know I am cut out to be special. So that kind of hinders me from serving.

And so last night, when I attended this gathering, I kind of thought it was dragging. Maybe I was so uneasy thinking if I was the most sinful person in that room. That unlike them, I still haven't surrendered myself completely. I felt like I didn't belong in there anymore. I was probably one of the tallest girls in the room, but I felt sooo small around them. But during the prayer, I just wanted to talk to Him, feel Him in my worship. I haven't done that in a long time. And then that's when I realized... nothing has really changed. It's still Him...and I.

Me and my God. That's all that matters. For unworthy as I am. He is still there, will always be there. Welcoming me with open arms. I can't be a princess if I don't have a King. Maybe the people have changed, the setup...but the Master and His servant, the faithful, graceful Master still remains.

I know, He has a purpose for me in the community, which is why He keeps on calling me back. Even without the people I journeyed with. If I were to count my friends that I had when I began my journey, there are a lot who already took a different route. Who chose other things, who had other priorities than this kind of service. Maybe they have their own ways of serving. I always believe that the Lord has His ways of finding each of us. But I'm still here. Eagerly trying. Not losing the zest for it. Believing in His promise. Because everytime I lose my way He never lets me go too far. So I guess I am where I should be. And I will be staying. I know I will find that purpose one day.

I'm still not perfect, still impure in many ways. But I know He will help me. No matter how hard, how long it takes.

And truly, I am home.

Just when I thought...

2008-11-06T19:02:00.000-08:00

Well, I have been hanging out with my friends from my community and its been a blast so far. Still a little bit out of place, but I think that's okay. I mean, I'm comfortable where I am.

Anyway, I later on found that they can be pretty interesting. When I was younger I thought they were all about the service. But I realized that they were, are a real barkada. It feels nice to look at them that way, that I'm no different from them. i'm learning to loosen up around them.

Okay, anyway, I guess its just sad to hear stories of breaking up inside their circle. It's just that, I had this weird notion that being in the community saves you from those kind of things. From heartbreak, especially since you have a solid group of friends to back you up every time. I thought it was some sort of shield. I guess its really wrong that I looked at it that way. Maybe it does have a few plus points, but as one of them put it, if they really weren't meant to be... then I guess its just that. Three of them broke up this year. How sad.

I was rooting for them. They were the couples who I saw were kind of alike with me and babe. Some of them with the same sitch: long-distance relationship. Well... I guess some people just don't get the whole separation thing. I don't know, I'm not an expert on the whole LDR thing and I shouldn't be too quick to judge.

Maybe... like I would always say, they're just going through a moment of weakness. Period of adjustment, or whatever it is you want to call them. Setbacks, hiccups. I'm still rooting for them anyway.

It makes me less happy, but I guess... some learning there. yes, its nice for a couple to belong in the same circle of friends. There will always be someone to level with you, makes you see the big picture a little more clearer. Someone to view it from the outside. Sumbungan sessions that sometimes make it easier for the two to patch up, kiss and make up. And its a little cute for boys and girls kwento about their lovelives. Its nice to have other people involved and witness your love for each other... But really, at the end of the day, it all boils down to the two of you. Your relationship with each other. How you feel; your love, your trust... because no matter how solid and supportive your friends are of your relationship, if it goes wrong for you two, they can't be the ones to patch it up. They aren't in that relationship. So you really have to take time away from the sphere and form your own circle of trust. So that when friends lose the time to be with the two of you, you're both capable of handling the relationship on your own. You're able of making the right choices for your relationship...

Well, I'm thankful for our friends, I love them to bits. And I'm looking forward to spending more time with them... I'm so excited for our Bora trip and i dunno, Pagudpud or Batangas trip when my babe arrives. Yay!!! And I love that we're there for each other. We're counting years man. I'm sure we will be there for every milestone in relationships, separate lives. We're still waiting for the day when Pao will show up with a potential girlfriend. But I'm pretty confident we all will make it. We can never tell what will happen in the future, but surely, our friendship will stay.
Anyway, I'm more thankful, that my relationship with my babe continues to grow, stronger and deeper everyday. That's the most important thing. :))

oh well... 42 days to go!!! :))

its the most wonderful time of the year!!

2008-11-06T01:40:00.000-08:00

I have always been excited for Christmas.
It's my next favorite season after summer. It comes to a close second.
There's an air of warmth that goes with it. The Christmas carols, the preparation, the anticipation... the thought of giving... its something a thoughtful giver likes me works so hard for to show appreciation to my loved ones. Yes, that's probably it. The atmosphere of love; not the commercialized feeling brought about by Valentines. It's not cheesy red, but festive red. It's true love nga diba? By Jesus Christ. To the world.

Well, I don't know, kasi pag Valentines, it's all hearts and feelings, and mostly... for young people, its for the person they like, they admire. Its for the most popular girl in school... the one with the cutest smile. Well, I don't mean to be shallow, I know Valentines has a romantic, kind of religious origin, and I'm not bitter with Valentines, I celebrate it, but... iba yung pasko eh. It has no qualifications. It's genuine. You celebrate it with your family, good friends... people who really matter to you, without the mushy inclination. It's true love.

And maybe its because it was the month of me and my babe. After all, it was December when our love affair began. I remember Christmas vacation, kilig ligawan moments on the bus, hanging out with our friends at town, more ligaw-tingin... My talk at a retreat house in Cavite where he came with me... :)) Completing the simbang gabi, hoping that I get my longtime time wish (which I got, obviously), holding hands during the YFC Christmas party, and the gimmick at town afterwards, where I stole a kiss from him.. I remember exactly what he was wearing. Exchanging Christmas presents (my first gift for him were shades, he looked good in them) and the first Christmas card I sent him, which pretty much gave away my feelings for him. And a lot more :) Life was great after that Christmas. That's when I knew he is God's gift to me.

So this Christmas is special for me, because... he's gonna be here! :) Last Christmas was tearful because he was away. This time its gonna be so great! I'm gonna be with the one I love... :)

Haaay... I'm in dreamy mode again. Can't wait! :)) it really is the most wonderful time of the year. :))

All I want for Christmas... is YOU. :))

super daming nangyari...

2008-11-06T00:11:00.000-08:00

Well, Kuya Paulo and Ate Charms' wedding went by successfully naman, despite the setbacks... Had a few learnings, but if I were to evaluate myself, I'd say that I really did well. Grace under pressure, even without makeup during the ceremony. So one learning that I can share here is to never underestimate time; how fast it flies. For one minute, I thought I was on schedule, with everything working as planned, and then this diva cake supplier arrived really late, next thing I knew, I was getting dressed in an empty bridal suite, with every one already at the church except for me. But well, everything turned out fine, the marvels of delegating. Imagine if I had all those things in my hand. Well, major learning there at least. The rest weren't that stressful, and I had big help from SFC peeps, so it was a piece of cake.
whew... my first wedding. It was great, and it's such a blissful feeling when guests approach you and tell you that the event was successful, that it was a beautiful wedding. It's like those days of hard work and no sleep paid off. It was flattering, to even hear bigwigs (with that, I mean respectable people who can actually hire you and potential clients) say that I should stop practicing and just dive in the field. It feels good. Like finally, I'm in the right track...

The next day I had a really bad headache (4 nights ka ba naman magpuyat eh), but was okay with it, since I got a text from the couple with their deepest thanks. Anytime for the two of them :) their vows got the entire SFC girls crying, it was, hands down, the most beautiful wedding ever. :) Okay, I may be a little biased, but maybe its because from the start, I was rooting for them and after eight years and eight months, they start the new chapter. It's amazing... its love. Anyway, aside from that, it was major practice for me as I begin to take charge of my auntie's wedding, and aside from that, I may have a new client booked for this coming year :)

I know, I promise I'll have my website and my calling card ready na for 2009. That's a goal I have to work on.

Anyway, after months of looking and finally giving up, it comes. A new job. Just when I'm all set with just making my biz take off. Yes, its the company where my dad knows some people. So he kind of helped me get the job. Well, I know... its true that I left my previous company so that I can be free from my father's shadow. It's an honor to be his daughter most of the time, but sometimes its also sickening to be first known as his daughter and not an interesting individual. But well, its their loss if they stop getting to know me from the daughter introduction. I'm so far from being just his daughter. I am a lot more to this world. And I deserve to be known as that. Someday... I will no longer be his shadow, this carbon-copy that reminds them of this great advertising genius...

But for now, I decided to take the job. It seems to be an interesting field, and the job description is inclined with writing, PR and Events, which I absolutely love. Plus the fact that I also need to save for something I have been dreaming about. And the learning and the experience that I will get... so, yes... it's a go for me. That is, if I pass the medical and psychological exam hulabaloo.

So now, that I had a week of rest from the "wedding of the year" CFC version, it's time to focus on the next wedding, which is a month from now. I am just so excited, and I know that it is really my thing, my niche. So I hope and pray... and do my best to be really good at this. :))

and then, among other things... had a blast shopping last weekend. And spending quality time with my family. And anticipating the Chris Brown-Rihanna back to back concert which I will be watching with my homegirls and the boys. Yaay!!

Another good thing to watch out for, we might go to Macau and HK this month. It's because each year, our family tries to go somewhere and spend time together, having our usual ugok bonding moments. So I'm looking forward to it. And HongKong Disneyland of course!!! Its somewhere I really like to go to before I get hitched. To be in my ultimate childlike self, and see Mickey Mouse and the castle and Stitch! so hopefully, we'll push through.

These are good months! Especially since its close to December. YEY!!! :))

a grand gesture

2008-10-19T20:27:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, when you doubt how much I love you, I want to do something really big, really life changing. A profession of love that was made for the books. Like scream out your name and 'I love you' then jump off, or take my life the way Juliet did when she thought Romeo has gone. That way, our love would be one of the greatest love stories ever told...

Something grand, to prove to you and to the entire universe, that I could never live without you. Literally. But then, why should I take my life? I'm not that weak. And I'm definitely not that stupid.

Although there are times that i seriously consider it. I mean, what's the point? If I go on, I just know that my heart will keep beating...for you. And its unstoppable. And whenever you feel that you are less loved by me, its like my heart loses its purpose... it is there to love...especially the person who deserves it the most. If it ceases to make that person feel loved, then why should it go on? You might as well tell the heart to stop beating.

Sometimes, I am on the verge of doing something...eternal. Because I want my love for you to endure until my last breath. I want something grand to let you know that I love you, eternally. For all my lifetime and even afterwards. That way, you will never ever doubt how strong, how big, how deep, how timeless my love is for you.

That way, you'll truly believe what I mean by forever.

I know, I'm getting a little too dramatic. So much for the hopeless romantic me. I just want you to feel most loved. Or maybe I just want to be with you badly, to wrap you in a tight embrace, that way you'll feel and know, that you have nothing to worry about. There is no contest with me. You win and I love you the most, hands down.

A laughing, este loving matter

2008-10-07T02:15:00.000-07:00

Somewhat inspired today...

I read my friend's blog entry in multiply... about her and a special friend. I don't know if they're together because they broke up some years ago, yet nothing has really changed between them. Now I don't know if they're officially a couple again...

Anyway, it just made me think of my relationship with my babe.

Awwh, how I wish I could also post what I feel in my multiply account where all the world, or at least where people we know can read it... But right now I'd rather keep it here. I'm still finding the balance, or at least the line where my babe thinks what I'm writing is nice and amusing, and when he thinks I'm gettig ahead of our plans. I know... I used to resent that, but sometimes, or most of the time he has a point naman. He's just a private individual, that's all. And he doesn't want me sharing half-baked plans to random people on the internet. He's a less talk, more action kind of guy...

So, I'm confined by the "walls" of this blogspot... where I can freely express and be public about our love life, for lack of a better term as of now.

As I help out friends and family with their upcoming marriages and in the preparations, pre-nup photos, I see how their personalities, as a couple and individually come out of the wedding essentials. So I think of me and my babe... and can't help but marvel on how we are as a couple...

I picture us, laughing our heads off, having a good time. Because that's what we do best - having fun. I think we're a pretty fun couple. Well, minus the booze and the clubbing and making fun of other people. We strive on having a 100% pure lifestyle... yet we have a good time. And our friends don't seem to mind. I thought it'll be hard... without the lifestyle I used to have. Some people though that I might find it boring and difficult one day, without the parties and excess lifestyle. But, they don't know him like I do. He's the funniest, most humorous person I know! He can make anybody laugh! People are drawn with his energy. So now when I look back at the lifestyle I used to have, all that drinking, getting wasted and a bad case of hangover the next day, I realize that I don't really miss it. I just miss the dancing though... I remember the time we were out on a bar with our friends, one minute inside the cramped bar and he immediately made his way out the door. We ended up in Timezone instead. Another time was when we had a night out in Subic, and we got him to stand up and dance, with all of us nudging him...by the time he agreed, the dj's set was almost through. But I loved that moment of dancing with him. My favorite dancing moment though, was during the YFC Disco Nights... well, we pretty much hammed it up with friends separately during the hiphop tunes, but when the slow songs started playing, he took my hand and we danced. For a minute there we were the only ones dancing...its like we were the cue that other's were waiting to pair up and dance. It was like a scene from a romantic flick. What made it more special was me knowing that he doesn't like dancing around a large crowd.... that's the dancing memory that Ill always remember him of...

My father believes that our family is like a sitcom. Which is how it should be. There's not too much drama or rambles or fighting involved. Yes there will be minor hiccups each day, but nothing that won't be resolved by talking and laughing and making happy memories together. So my family is like that, and its such a blessing that my fiancee is the perfect fit, perfect addition to our cast. Like, have I told you how hilarious he is? well if I have, that's because he's really THAT funny! He'll give those comedians a run for their money. So I can't help but imagine how we're gonna be when he's officially a member of our family.

I think we've moved on from the dramatic phase of our fighting, when we spend sleepless nights on endless arguments. Where neither of us wanted to give up on our sides of the story. Walking out on each other, with friends around us, overhearing our fight. That was kind of exciting and embarrassing if you ask me. Yet we've grown... I believe both of us have become more mature and levelheaded in dealing with our problems. No more dramatic scenes that will leave us(especially me because I'm usually the one making a scene) embarrassed. It's nothing a trip to the basketball court (for him) and writing in a diary or blog (for me) won't clear.

Its just a fantastic relationship minus the drama. Its a sitcom nga eh. A real-life sitcom. With each fight ending in laughter. And cuddling. It's Aga to Agot in Oki Doki Doc. It's when he makes me smile even when I'm fighting every urge to do so...

Now that we've been together for more than three fun and exciting years, I'm positive that boring is nothing of what I signed up for. And in the years to come, I know I'll still be happy with him, fooling around, chasing each other in our own living room, smiling that smile I have every time I remember him.

youuu!

2008-10-04T20:05:00.000-07:00

I know... I was so hurt in my last post...
and you know how I always equate words with feelings.

So... let me say what can be felt anyway...

Yes, you did hurt me, at times in more ways than one. But, in spite of it all, its your love that can overpower all the emotions that I feel. How you hurt me is beside the point. Gets? It's how you love me, how much, how deep... How you care for me and protect me. That's all that matters.

So... I don't care how many times you hurt me, or if you never do.. yes, it might be true, that no one can cause that much pain as you do, but the reality is, it's also you... and only you, who can take all the sadness, the pain, the sorrow away.

You make me so happy, you know?

I laugh the hardest when I'm with you... you make me smile, so effortlessly, even in times when I don't feel like smiling. That happiness, that light, powerful joy only comes from you, and when I'm with you. Only YOU can make me that happy, so happy. That even when everything else is "happy", its not when you're not there. It's like a camera being on color accent mode and you're the only color it recognizes. Everything else is black and white. gets?

And this feeling, I know, will stay with me forever... So...my answer remains... YES. Now and forever.

Its YOU... no one else.

Hearts that can bend, whatta title

2008-10-04T06:25:00.000-07:00

Albert Camus once wrote, "Blessed are the hearts that can bend, they shall never be broken."

This may be true... Maybe it has learned to endure. Maybe it loves and wants to keep loving, so it leaves no room for brokenness. Maybe it is surrounded by too many hearts who care for it, what's a little stretching, a little flexibility test to see if its strong? so the heart bends especially when necessary.

Yet, as flexible and enduring this heart can be, it doesn't mean that it doesn't feel pain.
And it doesn't mean that it hurts less. Because it hurts just the same. Yes, it's not broken, but the agony is not something that it is spared from. Especially if the one who hurt you is the one you gave you want to give all of your heart to.

So there. So much for this.

NEW...

2008-10-04T06:04:00.000-07:00

this post officially revives this blog...

Welcome... me back.

Something inside has sparked. Something inside me lives.

Because of this somewhat old, somewhat new blog spot.

Thank you Joyce. :) Like I said, you'll never know the effect you have on people.

Anyway, I'm happy, in an unexplainable way. I mean, happenings are kinda sad, but it feels good to have an outlet again.

One where you will not be judged, of broadcasting things about your life, to pre-empt things in the future, to spoil someone's excitement, where people won't say na pinangungunahan yung plano niyo by revealing it to other people. Yung hindi nila isecensor at mamasamain yung mga pinaglalagay mo.

Those are my dreams, my wishes... how could you say that they're not any good? I told the world how much I wanted to be with you, yet you think I'm going way over my head. Not one hint of pride...

Anyway, this is me now.

No more biting my tongue, well at least for this blog... somehow, it's liberating.

Hence its, sitting down on the outside, and standing up and screaming on the inside...

On goodbye, leaving, holding on, letting go and moving on... (Third of a series)

2007-08-26T07:20:00.000-07:00

On goodbye, leaving, holding on, letting go and moving on... (Third, and last of the series)

I actually have no idea on how to start this entry, because this could just be the most emotional one that I will have, plus I just know I'll blab on and on about it, and hey, it's not really goodbye, letting go and moving on in that sense of the word... But well, fine. It's gonna be "Random thoughts by Cosmogirl" na lang, originally "Random thoughts by Aimee Morales."

Okay, yup, this post is about me and my babe, and our long-distance relationship. In a way, this post is also part of a series of entries about me and my GG. By now, you should already know what it means in Cams-speak, but for the sake of the newbies, it means God's gift.

Random thoughts begin...

WARNING: SUPER LONG AND MUSHY BLOG ENTRY!

Well, like I mentioned earlier, it's not goodbye, moving on and definitely not letting go, because it's a sure thing that our relationship is going strong. We're just spatially or geographically separated for the moment, because he's working abroad now, but we're still very much together. Now that we're clear on that( I mean, most of you already know about it anyway), let's move on to other parts of the kwento...

Him working abroad, I knew it was gonna come, because that was how he mapped out his career. We've been talking about it naman way before pa, the moment he passed his board exams. That he'll apply for work here in the Philippines, but knowing that this is really not a good place for mechanical engineers (with the work compensation and everything), he's just in it for experience, and to learn more about his field. And then he'll try to apply for work abroad. He told me naman about his plans from the start, psyching me to be prepared, and explaining to me that he wanted to do it for his family, and his future (our future?).

Being this woman who loves all things beautiful and artsy, like literature and shopping, and is a fan of "There's no place like home" mentality, it never crossed my mind to leave the country and look for "greener pastures." But it's different with him and it's different when you're a man. It's already hard to earn and spend money when you're single, what more if you're a man who has to provide for a family? He didn't wanna leave home, but he feels that he has to, to become a good citizen and Christian, to become a great dad and father someday. Whoa, whatta speech. And in my case, I just believe that I have found the love of my life, and honestly, I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. I didn't wanna be away from him, but if it means speeding up our savings for the future, then I just have to support him.

I was kind of ready for it, I guess. Besides, it was really part of his job, even when he was still in his previous company, that he'll be going abroad to check the powerplants that they design, or some sort. There were several times when he said that he was about to leave the country, but always ends up not pushing through with it. I was kind of ready for it, in a way. But in all honesty, nothing prepared me for that day.

Note:
You can read this blog entry by installment. It can be very long to finish in one sitting, I understand.

It was some time in May when he told me that his officemates forwarded his resume to an agency, for work opportunities abroad. He got a call for an interview, and we really prayed for it. He asked me to pray for the offer, and for God to reveal His plans. Months before that, he even considered leaving his profession to be a full-time worker in YFC. But we discerned it and he chose to stay as an engineer. He was half-hearted about leaving, I was half-hearted about letting him leave as well, but we prayed for it. If in that way that we could ensure our future and have the resources to help our loved ones and other people, most of all, if God wills it, then let it be done. A few weeks later, he got called for another interview. And after a week, it was set that he will be leaving for Abu Dhabi.

What followed were weeks of rollercoaster rides, full of ups and downs. I was happy for him, that he finally got his break in his career. But thinking about that day, about being a way from him just leaves me staring into space for hours. What made it even harder was we didn't know the date yet. The agency still had to arrange his VISA, working permit and the likes so we didn't know when it was gonna be. We didn't talk about it at once because it seemed so far pa, but we knew that it was coming. We were torn between taking it slow and making the most of the time left. It was June when he casually texted me that the agency called and that he'll be leaving on the sixth of July. Boom, that just ended my self-denial. He really was gonna leave.

I was a mess after that. I could stare into space for hours, with only that in mind. I was slowly losing my mind. One weekend away from him and I miss him already, what more for almost two years? Again, I was torn between dwelling on my thoughts, or just making the most of the time with him. I was a complete disaster. I was so into spending most of my time with him (and that, I don't regret) but he said it makes him uneasy and even more anxious about his leaving, so I cry everytime, knowing that I'll miss him so much. Good thing God, and our community was around. If I didn't pray, I would've been crazy by now. My prayers, my faith in God's plan kept me sane, is still keeping me sane up to now.

I'm sure you wouldn't want me to dwell on how mad (crazy, I mean) I was during that time, so fast forward to weeks before his departure. I really took time to make sure every minute's worth it. As much as I want to spend every single minute with him, I tried to arrange every despedida for him, or some sort of get-together with some of our friends on different dates. And some were successful. I went on leave three days before his departure, made sure I'd spend as much time with him as I can. I watched his last game at MHI, we had dinner with some of our trusted advisers in the community, went to Batangas for a weekend with our peeps, he played basketball with his friends from his village, he even had dinner with my family, we also had our date for our monthsary, few movies and just chill time in his house. We tried to enjoy and take our mind off his departure, but it was just hard not to think about it. So I engaged in my private moments of thinking, staring into space, not saying as much because I just hate to be a party-pooper and spoil the rest of his time here.

The day before the sixth, I was already hesitant to leave my house to go to his place and see him. I didn't know if I can take it. But of course I had to be brave and make the most of our time nga. So I still went there and found him packing his stuff already. And I swear for a moment there I stopped breathing. This is it. The day went by so fast. We were packing, then I accompanied him to the gym, then we went to the mall to meet his dad and brother for a movie (Die Hard 4), and to buy more stuff for him. We went to mass and tried to go to confession, but the priest had to leave for a previous engagement. Then we headed back home to pack. Some moments we just keep quiet and contemplate about what is happening, some moments we both try to back out, him telling me that he'll call the agency to say that he changed his mind, and me, telling him not to leave... or we try to recall if we forgot to put something in his suitcase. After dinner, some friends came by to say goodbye. And despite them pushing me to sleep at his house (my boyfriend's leaving the next day, what better excuse, right?), we know we just couldn't. And I didn't want to come with him to the airport the next day (Aimee warned me about it, it can get so ugly, you can just lose yourself at the airport, then you can get so ugly!!), so I waited for most of his friends to leave and we had our moment to talk.

Trust me, no words can just explain how it felt, lying beside your boyfriend, you're both staring in the cieling. And you try to let this song help you tell him how you're really feeling. We hugged and for that moment, I didn't wanna let go. I cried, but stopped myself from crying too much, I didn't want to make it harder for him. His bestfriends and neighbor were still waiting outside and it was one o'clock in the morning, so they had to drop me home. I remember tossing and turning on my bed, trying to sleep, and thinking whether I should see him off at the airport, or I should just stay at home and cry. I fell asleep, after an hour.

And despite Aimee's warning (and I believe her), and my babe telling me that it's okay if I don't wanna go with him to the airport (to make it less hard for him to say goodbye), Kuya Raymund told me that I just cant, and shouldn't miss the airport scene, since it happens like, once in a lifetime for some people. And I still wanted to spend more time with him, so I came the next day. They fetched me from my house and we (his brother, Kuya Aris, his bestfriend Doy and I) drove him to the airport. We met some of his officemates who are going with him. While at the car and while waiting, we all tried to act calm and normal. I held his hand the whole time on the road, still making the most out of the remaining hours. In the airport, we talked about normal things but honestly, my mind was spinning, my heart was thumping.

Then it was time for him to go. And everything was in slow motion. And when he said that it ws time to say goodbye, I held my tears. He started crying as he hugged his brother, which was painful for him since it was Kuya Aris' birthday, and they just have this thing only brothers can understand. He hugged his mom, and for a fact, I know, and I've accepted that he's gonna miss her the most. And then he hugged me. And that's the part where tears flowed down my face. I tried to hold on longer, but I knew that he really had to leave. He just told me to take care of myself, I wanted to tell him a lot of things about how much I'm gonna miss him and I don't know what I'd do without him but I guess, we both were really in a daze that time, there was not much room for words. So he then hugged Doy, who was kinda like his brother na rin. Babe walked away from us, and as cheesy as it may seem in movies and drama anthologies, those things happen pala in real life. Lalo na as we watch him walk away, and he turned his back and waved, and I waved, I remember that I was trying to smile, when it was actually piercing my heart.

And tears couldn't stop flowing. For a while it was me and his mom, and then I realized, it was just me who was still crying. Babe texted me as soon as he can, but I was still crying in the car. And at every text message. They dropped me off in my house, where I cried as soon as I realized I'm alone. Texting with Doy and Aimee helped ease the pain, but I just can't stop crying that day. I was supposed to go to work in the afternoon, but figured out that I couldn't. So I just spent the whole afternoon with my mom for some errands, trying to get a hold of myself, but everytime she looks away, I think about him, cry and pray.

And hard as it may seem, I still came back to his house that night. It was Kuya Aris' birthday. And I wanted to make sure how they were doing. Or in a way, I wanted to be with them, knowing that there are people around me who are thinking about him too. I didn't stay longer, knowing that no one would be there to take me home. When I got home, Babe texted me that they reached their stopover. And that was the start of our long-distance relationship.

It's been a month and twenty-six days now. And we're still going strong. Honestly, I know we will. We can do this, we can wait. There's a powerful, and unbeatable force helping us to get through. There are days when I just get so crazy missing him so much, but there's no better way to fight the depression calling our almighty backer up there. Sure there are times when we can't help but argue (it's inevitable, we're still a normal couple despite the LDR), but we see our way through it. We exchange emails on Sundays to Thursdays, and call each other during the week ends. No chats online yet, but I guess, this setup is working anyways.

In fairness, the distance has taught us to be more mature in our relationship. It taught us to be more patient and understanding. Less unecessry bickering, and more listening and trying to reach out to each other. I guess it's true when they say that absence only makes the heart grow fonder. I just can't wait to be in his arms again. And so does he, I think. This long-distance relationship can be iffin hard, but I know it's gonna be worth the wait. Besides, it's September already! In a while it'll be December, and then I will only have to wait for a year!! Haha, that thought gets me through, more than anyone can imagine.

So there. That's the story, but there's a lot more happening everyday. I don't know how to end this entry, so I'll just end by thanking the people who care about us (enough that they even read this). Who checks on us, if we're doing okay, as a couple and individually. Well I assure you, we're doing great =) Please keep on praying for us.

And sharing with you a part of this song, which is basically my theme song for this phase. It's by pareng Rod Stewart. And this I dedicate to my babe: "When I'm with you, I just close my eyes and I 'm with you, and all that I so want to give you, it's only a heartbeat away."

With us, there will be no goodbyes. This separation of us is only temporary. Let's hold on to that, and keep praying Babe. I'm not letting go, not ever. God is so great, and I'm faithful that this is all part of His beautiful plan for us. He included this LDR part to show how wonderfully he crafts every love story. Each one different from the other. That despite the hardships and sacrifices, it's all going to be worth it. And I believe that this phase is just a worthy chapter in our life together. And we'll appreciate it when we look back, finally one, and basking in His glory. :)) I'm proud of you, and you know it already, I love you forever, Babe.

More notes:

I still cry everytime I remember the day before he left, and the airport scene. Well, I still cry everytime, going to his house, seeing his room, and more...
It took me four days to finally finish this entry.
If you ever reach this part of my entry, thank you. :))

Desperate...

2007-08-19T22:48:00.000-07:00

I just love my new Desperate Housewives notebook!

I don't wanna talk about how I got it, let's just say that I fell in love with it the moment I saw it, and I knew I would absolutely be lonely without it.

It came from BuenaVista International, and they don't sell this, fyi, so at that moment, let's just say that I turned desperate because I have got to get my hands on it.

So here's to this notebook, that I'm just so smitten with! I gotta say this, I never believed in love at first sight, until I saw you.

Yep, my obsession with desperate housewives has come to that point of Sex in The City, and The OC, where I compare myself to every heroine in the series. For this one, I feel like I can relate to each desperate housewife: Susan, who's fab and pretty much perfect, except that she's quite a klutz that ruins every moment for her. Bree, who has an eye for all things beautiful, and who thinks too much, trying to make and keep things as polished and perfect as possible. Some people think she's twisted, but all she wanted is to be accepted and loved. Lynette, who thought she wanted a high powered career, but later on realized that her family life is the most important to her. And of course, Gabrielle Solis, who's still iffin hot even after marriage (my wish in something something years), and who seems so shallow and superficial, but whose one goal is to make her husband happy, and keep him faithful. Idol!! I just can't explain how much I love them, but if you knew me, and you know how I love The OC, and Maging Sino Ka Man, well this is in that level!

By the way, I just so relate with the line on each page, that goes "I just can't live in this detergent commercial anymore."

Well, it's true. Everything's not gonna be peachy all the time. That's why I hate fakers. Hel-lo? Don't you ever get tired of smiling, being all dolled up and acting so happy all the time. Oh, wait, I forgot, that's all you do!! You don't work hard for everything that surrounds you, and hey, that's where I come in!! ***

Well, that's the difference between us, you see. I work for everything around me, My balanced relationships, career, my entire lifestyle. It gets crazy sometimes, but that's one quality of a desperate housewife that I admire so much. They sometimes lose their heads over the little things, minor booboos, wondering why several things just can't be perfect no matter how hard they try. Well, it may be just the most cliche line we've heard in our entire life, but here it is: the truth is, nothing's perfect. Nobody is perfect, well except for God, we all know that. But for us human beings, we're simply not. We have flaws. But our imperfections are what make us beautiful, because it means we're real. And reality, real people, real relationships, real happiness needs work.

But then again, there's nothing wrong with trying to make things perfect, as long as you acknowledge that you aren't and you need help in making life as is. Besides, desperate goes hand in hand with passion. If you're passionate about something, or someone, there are times when you resort to desperate measures to reach your goal.

So if you feel like, or you think you're perfect, then you might be drowning with the soapsuds, because you're living in one heck of a detergent commercial! And you better step out of it, because one day you might just end up suffocated with all the bubbles, or like Bree, you might find yourself checking in a mental institution. Or like Gabby, you'll get the heartbreak of your life and find out that the man you trust to love you, have betrayed you with your slave.

By the way, I forgot to mention Edie and Mary Alice, who just completes the gang. I just love these girls! And as you can notice, I've been updating my blogs and multiply, trying to do as much before I get my hands on the dvd of the third season, by then, you'll just have to wait for the party.

***Oops, sorry guys, just have to be dramatic and rant a bit in that part, which is true in my everyday life, by the way. And it also serves as a reminder for myself, like I said, I tend to be so OC and try to make things perfect. But I don't wanna end up like this woman I know, who is, if you ask me, hopeless!

On goodbye, leaving, holding on, letting go and moving on... (second of a series)

2007-05-25T21:11:00.000-07:00

On goodbye, leaving, holding on, letting go and moving on... (Second of a series)

Yup, I have a lot more to write, I have been meaning to do this waay before pa. But I guess I just had the time, and the will to do these things now.

And this one about my SERVICE. Or should I say my sanctuary, which is YFC...

again, everything happened in a daze that I'm left staring in my monitor, not knowing where, or how to begin. But heck, nothing will happen if I don't get started. So I guess random thoughts na lang. Ika nga ni Aimee, "Ang Sa Akin Lang..."

GOODBYE and LEAVING. The two are meant to be inseparable. Because if someone leaves without saying goodbye, then maybe something's wrong.

Starting on a high note, let me share with you what I felt was our cluster's thrust for this year. In Revelations 21:1"Behold I make all things new."

I guess this year was just that. A year for change. A year for all those: goodbye, leaving, etc. But with the thought that all of it was because He knows we're ready for change. We're ready to see another page in His plans.

This year, Koko and I took the next step. Not get married, silly. Crossing over to SFC. This year as well, Samboy was called to lead in a higher service, which is in YFC Torch.

Okay, lets start with that. It was kinda weird when he left. Yes, he is great and with that level of spirituality, he's a sure commander of God's army. He's always inspired many of us. That's why David and I were all set to step down because we were confident that he'll take on the work of being the clusterleader. It was just great and we've gotten really comfortable with him that it didn't dawn on us that one day we'd be separated from each other. But I guess, yun nga, we all had to grow in our service. We treated each other as a barkada, brothers and sisters even, to the point that we had kind gotten so complacent. There just comes a time when I'm already confused if its still service we're doing, or pure fellowship na lang. So there. We needed to step out of our comfort zones, and Samboy was the one who took the first step.

Eventually, a bunch of us followed. Babe and I moved on to SFC, then he had to leave for work abroad, which was the bigger step, because with that, he really had to leave YFC despite hesitation. Also, a bunch of us "oldies" had to focus on work so we had to give way to the younger ones.

"Behold, I make all things new."

Yes, YFC in our cluster is in a new phase. A new generation of great, dedicated leaders. No more complacency but giving everything to the Lord. No more childish cliquishness but unity and solidarity with the sector. They reach out to every member like a friend, brother and sister.

I'm proud of these people. I've seen them grow up and mature. It's true pala when you see these young kids joining YFC, new members and while you nurture them you think, They are the future of YFC." And they are, indeed. My homegirl Kaye who took my place as cluster leader, and baby Jorgia, they used to just tag-along with us in our meetings. But hey, young as they are, we already saw the potential. Now they're leading the cluster and chapters, from what they learned from the old gen and they continue to take in whatever new lesson, with the guidance of our trusted and supportive couple coordinators of course.

There are also some who first didn't strike us as the type who would take YFC to heart, but emerged to be great leaders as well. Like Jan, who leads the pack now like a true servant. My cousine Maita. E-ats never like the title, but without her noticing, she was already doing the responsibilities. She assumed the leadership no matter how she tried to stay away from it. I'm proud of my girls. And Andy, who stood up for the challenge, despite his feeling of unworthiness and questions in his head. Well, if there's one thing I learned about leading in YFC, it's not about whether you think you're good or not. It's taking the first step and having the guts to answer the call. Because if God has chosen you, it means He believes that you can do it, and you can. And if you're on His side, you don't have to worry coz He is always near. And I'm proud of all you new leaders. Thanks for ensuring us that YFC South A1 is in good hands.

Yes, I still miss YFC and my cluster has been my second home for years. I has sheltered me from the confusion, and loneliness of youth. It's there that I found myself, and the man I love and plan to spend the rest of my life with. The bestest friends, from PFF to my boys, and even couple coordinators. And most of all, it gave me my faith. That keeps me standing despite all the strong winds that come.

But I'm ready to see the world again, but not anymore in the eyes of a youth. Let's face it, we are growing old and I need a different kind of nourishment. And I'm ready to claim all the promises the Lord has for me in the future, as I will be nurtured by another family ministry, SFC.

Besides, YFC was not a dream. It's reality, and with it comes real relationships. So I'm still having the time of my life reaping the benefits up to now. I found my babe, and even though he's away, we're still very much together holding on for our future of forever (that's a different blog entry altogether). I have my former couple coordinators, who became our real friends and trusted advisers (from faith to work to financial matters like investments, the conversation can really get anywhere!). And my solid group of friends. My household. My boys. Partner, manny and pao. and samboy, dondon, boks, and everyone else. They've been with me eversince. YFC may not be forever for us, but you as my most trusted buddies will be with me forever. It's more fun now actually, to see us grow, now with our special someones, with our own money (Pao - manager) hehehe. with maron, randypau, khatz, jinkie, the gang grows bigger and bigger. Thank you Lord for these wonderful blessings.

So it's really not goodbye. Just moving on and smiling while looking back. And from where I see them, I can say that they're headiong somewhere good, kinda towards my direction anyways. :))

On goodbye, leaving, holding on, letting go and moving on... (First of a series)

2007-05-18T03:45:00.000-07:00

On goodbye, leaving, holding on, letting go and moving on... (First of a series)

I haven't written here in a long time...Yeah. And I meant to write this entry for about five months now. So i reckoned I should take after former officemate Jaja (yes, there's no delaying gratification) and post series of entries, so that it won't clog my thoughts, thus, blocking my mind everytime I take a chance at blogging.

This is the one about WORK. but it's really more than that when you think about it.

With leaving and goodbye, I meant to separate these two, but I don't know which part of my sharings are for leaving, and goodbye. Because sometimes, people leave without saying goodbye. Maybe because they're not ready to let go yet, they're not ready to leave. And there are also some who just didn't have the chance to say goodbye. Someone robbed them the opportunity of closing this chapter which makes it so iffin hard, not just for them, but also for the people they're leaving behind. Just like my former bosses and colleagues.

Yes, it has been five months since they left. In a snap, they were instructed to leave the premises, their jobs, us. I wouldn't wanna go back to the fateful day, it's just so hard and confusing on my part. Moving on has a lot to do with this. Then Karen followed, then Jaja, and although hers was a different case, one that's most understandable and less-complicated of all, Rio left as well. I guess it just pains me that they never got the chance to say goodbye, they never told us what to do next (except for Rio where she had that chance), and most of all, I didn't take the chance to say goodbye to them (also except with Rio). And holding on has a lot to do with this area.

So let's move on to the part called holding on. How contradicting is that? Pretty much, holding on led me to delaying gratification intended for my colleagues, mentors. When they left, I didn't wanna accept it. I held on to the chance that they might still come back. Taking them away just like that seemed so wrong that I believed they'd still find their way back. I held on to that for so long until I lost my chance. I never took the chance to text them, ask them how they are, thank them for everything they taught me. For never leaving me out of place, for guiding me with things I needed to know about this job. I guess most of the things I know about running this thing, I learned from them. It's painful to watch them leave, and not knowing where you stand after. This feeling of ungratefulness, to set thanking them aside, for how many months, was because I was holding on, crossing my fingers that things will shape up for us, and I didn't need to say goodbye. But apparently, there was no use holding on. Because whether I liked it or not, I had to move on.

Now, now, I realized that all the credit for delaying gratification shouldn't go to the 'holding on' part. Moving on was partly to blame also. And just as goodbye is inseparable to leaving, so is moving on to letting go. After they left, we just couldn't let everything crumble, we're not a small company after all, and what we do mattered to a lot of people. So all of us left just needed to step up. Before I knew it, there wasn't anymore time to wallow and look back. There was no time to take a breather and digest everything that happened. Everything's about moving on, looking forward, getting things done. Coz whether we like it or not, they're not there anymore. So we had no choice but to let it go. I remember feeling irritated at people trying to brainwash others, of "what really happened." Of stating the reasons of their termination. I used to cringe at the sight of them talking about it. But again, amidst everything, they're gone. The ones who had to leave, and the one who made them leave. I just had to let it go. And we just had to prove that we are gonna be okay. There was no room for complaints (okay, there's a little room for ranting), just making sure we have everything covered, because our clients were counting on us, because we believed in our programs, and because we love this network we work in. We are after all, ABS-CBN's PR Group. Because nice and accomodating as they are, a scoop is still a scoop for the press. How we'd handle this crisis would reflect on the network.

So moving on was a decision we had to do. We let go and moved on, stuck together until our new boss and managers came in. We got out of the rut we were stuck in for a while, gracefully. Now I believe we're moving forward. And I guess that goes for all of us. I heard that we all have rockin' jobs now, which is good. I bumped into Ms. Peachy and Ms. Leah two weeks ago, and it felt good to see that the both of them have moved on, and when we talked and Ms. Leah hugged me, it felt good. It's always comforting to get a hug from a friend, and someone you look up to. It's just that I have gotten so busy and was pre-occupied with work, that texting them, thanking them just flew out of my mind. Well, it pops up every now then, but something happens and I have to do it coz it's urgent. Anyways, I meant to do it sooner, but I guess it's never too late to show appreciation and be grateful to people...

So now, whether or not they're gonna be reading it, I want to express my thanks to them. My orig PR family: Ms. Leah, Ms. Peachy, Kuya Gian, Ate Karen, Jaja and Rio. They taught me almost everything about PR, na baon-baon ko ngayon. Yes, it's all good now. I've learned to love my new officemates, they're my family too, but my orig PR family will always have a place in my heart, they're irreplaceable, because I never had a dull moment with them, and they were the ones who welcomed me to the Kapamilya Station with open arms. The videoke night, bashing sessions, 9501 and Pixie's moments, will remain priceless to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Thanks as well to our Lola. She was fierce, she was harsh, but in all fairness, we learned from all of it. Especially me. She taught me to "be proactive". I used to be so scared of her. But I guess if she didn't push us to the limits, we wouldn't have been the better individuals we are now. I wouldn't have been this person if it wasn't for her.

Now that we've all moved on, I wish you well in all your endeavors, I'm sure you'll all be successful. Hey, you ta
ught me the ropes after all ;)

and that ends the first part of my series :))

Friends?

2007-03-07T03:02:00.000-08:00

Friends...

since when has it become such a lonely word?

Oh, i dunno, since he asked us to start of as such?!

Bitter? I really don't know. In a way, I guess I asked for it. Like when we were together-together, I would ask him if he wants us to be friends muna, para walang commitments, walang responsibilities, He can be free. It's just that, we're waay far from a future together, I don't want us to stay together for a long, long time and just get too umay, and sick of each other. I wanted to give him space to breathe, rest assured that in five years or so, when he's ready to settle down or something, he'll choose to be with me.

Whenever I say that to him, he'll freak out, and ask me flat out if I was planning something, to get him out of my life. Of course not, I would revert.

And now it just feels weird. He asked us to be friends...muna. And I agreed. Yep, I agreed, can you believe that? Well, you see, the night before, we had this big, big fight and decided to break up. I thought it'll take nights for him to talk to me again, but apparently no. He texted me and told me if he can have his GG back (GG - God's Gift). So we started texting again, and just a while ago, he asked if I want us to start off as friends, to start from scratch, no commitments, no responsibilities and the like... bam!

Just when you thought everything was fine... that everything would be back to normal...Oh well...

Anyway, so I verified from him quite a number of times, if that's what he really wanted. And he just kept saying that it's up to me. But hel-lo? I was so not in the position to argue with him at that time. I was not in the position to assert what I wanted. And besides, he does have a point somehow. I mean, what's so bad with becoming friends? We can do what we want, without limits, we won't fight about stuff like commitment, broken promises, priorities, stuff that only make love a lot complicated. And for the record, I asked him if being friends meant being free to date or even look at other people, not talking and seeing each other not often as before, and this is what he replied: "Di ako maghahanap ng iba. Ikaw lang ang mahal ko, alam mo yun." So, I guess there's really no need to worry right?

So the bottomline is, I agreed. Let this one be his call, for once. Bahala na siya dumiskarte sa aming dalawa. As for me, as long as we're still together, then I'm good. As long as we still love each other. Because I still love him, and last time I checked he still loves me. As long as we stay together. It won't hurt to try that setup, right?

I may seem so okay about the whole thing, but the truth is, my mind's spinning with the change. Agreeing to that setup means not being in a steady relationship with him, it means throwing away all our plans together. It means a greater possibility of waking up one morning and finding out that he has moved on. It means a greater possibility of having no future with him... and as it slowly starts to creep on me, it breaks my heart...

But heck no! I will be brave this time. If we're really meant to be together, then we will be... Just keep the faith...

So, now, let's do this thingie?

Love actually

2007-02-15T00:34:00.000-08:00

"Love, love, love..."

It's playing in my mind right now...

There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game. It's easy.

Haha, another one of my cheesy entries, or are all of them cheesy? Sigh!
Like I said, I had my fair share of hearts day experiences, so all I can say for this Valentines is, Cupid got me real bad.

Like I said in my previous entry, I wasn't really expecting for my babe to do something grand for me this Valentines, I mean, he does sweep me off my feet everytime, but something larger than life? Not in this lifetime, I thought. But days before V-day had me really panicking. Knowing that my babe never really goes for outrageous dates, I took the liberty of planning something for that day. And then I told him about it, and he said he just might not be with me on Valentines. He might have other plans with his family. Emphasis on the might, because there I was, telling him that we have plans, and then he blows all my excitement (yes, because I had planned for us to attend the dinner party my balikbayan uncle.) by telling me that he might have other plans. MIGHT - not yet definite. I just had a fit about it, I mean, its Valentine's day, you're supposed to be with someone you love. Okay okay , of course he loves his family more than me, that's a fact I've accepted with open arms, but it's Valentines daY!! I can take it if he has no grand plans, but no plans at all? I hated it.

So I thought to myself, maybe I am making such a big deal out of it, maybe I'm just overreacting. Because Valentines day, is just any other, ordinary day. And so I joined my officemates in the "I hate Valentines day!" club, and began ignoring my babe completely when he greets me "advanced Happy Hearts day!" I even managed to drop the line, "What's the occasion anyway?" with a straight face. Although tumitiklop talaga ko when he says 'i love you', I just melt everytime, and I start feeling so mushy again. Warning: MUSHY ZONE and LONG BLOG

I just lose myself with all the i love yous (pagbigyan mo na ko, Valentines eh), it's different kasi when you know that he means it, and it's not an i love you na labas sa ilong, he means it and says it with so much passion, and care. Haaayy...

Yet I managed to act, unaffected with the whole hearts day hulabaloo, convincing myself that I really should stop getting so starry-eyed and mushy all the time. So at Valentines day, we had no plans, none at all. I just told him that I will drop by at his house, something that I usually do so it seemed like it wasnt big a deal (although I would be going to drop my expensive and extensively prepared Valentines gift for him). And although I left work earlier than usual because I knew I would be battling with 'holding hands pa-sway sway pa' couples (not only that, they were holding humongous bouquets of flowers and boxes of cake to block my way) on my way home, I still got caught up in the long line at my service shuttle. It was such a bummer!!! the line was soooper long (remember that supersticks ad? I hate it), and worse, I was sandwiched between two opposite couples. The couple in front of me was in cloud nine, they were so sweet they made me wanna barf. It was just the type that I hate, the "because it's Valentine's day, lets pretend that everythings perfect" type of couple. Hel-lo? There are people around! or am I just jealous because the girl had the perfect bouquet of pink tulips in her hands? and the guy was holding a neat box of cake while my babe mentioned the night before that he wouldn't be giving me flowers, or anything for that matter because he's broke. And then I just thought, what the heck, Valentines is just made up by commercialism anyways. Like businessmen just invented that holiday to sell their flowers, cakes and jewelry. And being the more mature, cynical person that I am, I decided, I'm not gonna buy it anymore. I'm not gonna waste my money on Holland tulips and Tiffany's and Valentine concerts. I've had enough, I thought.

Anyway, the couple behind me were different. The girl was sulking because her boyfriend arrived late. And the guy was all apologies but the woman went on and on with her ranting. One realization: Nagging is irritating pala talaga. I wanted to strangle her because her boyfriend was making annoyed faces already and she just wouldn't get a clue. Isn't she ashamed that people were overhearing their conversation? Haha, look who's talking noh? Well, to shed some light to some of you, some girls just have trouble containing their anger, yeah its true. Ikaw kaya ang maghintay ng matagal sa boyfriend mo when every other couple's in seventh heaven already. Like me, I have to admit, wala kong pinipiling lugar, when we have to talk, we have to talk. I don't care what other people will say, basta if I need to clear things up with my boyfriend. I will do it at once. But don't get us wrong, we're not warfreakish and scandalous. Our voice is still gentle, but firm. The girl was even pleasant enough to save my slot in the line while I pay for my fare. Anyways, after getting dizzy with the lovers all around the place, it was time to go.

And then one realization hit me again. Just as things settled down inside the van, the girl just stopped nagging, and clasped her boyfriend's hand. Her beau, who took in all the humiliation and swallowed his pride a while ago, just took his girl's head and rested it on his shoulders. Awwwhh...then all the cynicism vanished and I was back to my lovestruck, hopeless romantic self again. Who dares question the power of love? it can make you forget all the hurt, all the anger in just a split second. It can take away all the pain, all the doubt, all the negative things and fill your heart with so much happiness and contentment. It can make you wanna fly in an instant. It can turn your life around. Indeed, love does conquer all. Extreme cheesiness, enough. And I realized, yes, this is what we've been celebrating for decades, centuries even. Valentine's Day wasn't made up by sleazy merchants who want to earn. The power of love is worthy of a holiday! I'm back to loving Valentines again! So when I reached my Babe's house, I was all ready to rejoice, but when I got there, he just got home from buddy-time and basketball, hasn't taken a bath yet, and there were no flowers in sight (yes, there's this assuming part of me that just won't give up), that did it, my mood fell. Clearly, he hasn't prepared for anything. I just got so depressed. He then started to ask me why I looked so sad again, and I didn't want to make it seem like it was a big deal, because I told him days ago that it wasn't therefore I had no right whatsoever to act all upset, so I just told him that I was really tired from commuting. And then this is the part I loved, when he just wrapped his arms around me and started making me feel all right, greeting me happy hearts day, but I was just too disappointed to reciprocate. Then he excused himself to go to the bathroom, while I wallowed in misery, hating myself for being this overly assuming, materialistic person on Valentine's day. So when I was close to tears, burrying myself in his pillow, he took my hand and motioned me to look at him. And that's when I was overwhelmed with what I saw... Tadaa!!! It was a big basket ('basket' being the operative word meaning it was a big one) full of my favorite flowers. OMG!! I was so surprised, for real this time. Cupid got me really bad! I mean, whirlwind of feelings in one day? C'mon! It was utterly more than I expected. Grabehh!!

So yeah, it pretty much made my day, after that, I was so happy even to just watch a basketball game on TV, and eat a simple dinner. But I'm all good. We hung out for a while (my favorite part of any day, hanging out, chilling with him), talked about my gift ( it was a "commitment contract" na nag-effort talaga ko, I even got a witness to sign it, good thing he was touched by the gesture) and then since it was getting late, and the flowers he got me were so humongous that commuting was not an option, his dad drove us to my place. And then we just said our goodnights, happy valentines and kisses on the cheeks. It was so old-school, but I was totally swept away again.

Yeah, so that ended my Valentine post (after like, more than a week of writing it, things just come up eh). It was actually very simple but sooo heartfelt. Like I feel his love at every move he does for me, to me. And that's reason enough for me to be merry. Sigh! Oh, if you wanna take a peak at the basket of flowers, and the commitment contract I made for us, check out my multiply site, just type in http://cosmogirlcams.multiply.com to get a feel of the party that is, my life. Haha, tumagline pa talaga!! Anyway, I'm gonna be posting photos from valentines, and our post-valentines date really soon. And yes, unexpectedly, this song began playing in my mind again...

Love, love, love...
Love, love, love...

on love... and happiness

2007-02-05T03:17:00.000-08:00

And now it's time to be happy!

Valentine season has officially started. Some people are just soo in the mood for love, they're excited about Lovapalooza and are cooking up plans that seem larger than life. Some, loathe for the day and simply abhor it. Well, I've had my share of "I hate Valentines!" days and even more the "I'm counting down the days before my favorite day" phase. Now I think, I'm just okay with it. Just chill, celebrate it, but not sensationalize it and make big plans like it's my birthday or Christmas. I'll probably spend it with my babe, have dinner, watch a movie, depending on what he feels like doing on that day. My new mantra: Never, ever force him to do anything that he doesn't like to do. That way, I don't get blamed for anything, and I wouldn't be disapppointed if he ends up not doing it. So I guess, some time to chillax with him would be alright. Although it has to be special somehow, and I would love to get white roses (hint!), it could come on Hallmark day, sooner or later, I wouldn't care, basta I just like to have them. Anyway, initially I had planned for us to watch the You and Me concert of sweethearts Rachelle Ann Go and Christian Bautista, but I don't think it fits in our budget, and it would be such a hassle to go out pa, even though it's on the 13th and not exactly V-day. Basta, anything, anywhere with him would be fine, more than enough. :))

Some random happy thoughts:

It's time to shop for cards again! I'm just a sucker for Hallmark's Between You and Me line of greeting cards. I could read them again and again and still swoon, smile, cry, whatever it is that it's trying to make me feel. Yep, I'm one emotional lady. I get him one almost every month, and two on special occasions, hehe. Hope I get one from him in this lifetime, then it would make my entire day.
I officially love youtube.com! I never thought I'd be a fan, but hey, I'm all for it now. With its help, I finally caught up on all the episodes I missed of Maging Sino Ka Man and I watched almost the entire Season 4 of The OC there! I'm so anticipating the last three episodes of my all-time favorite TV series.
Even with Marissa gone, The OC has got me hooked! I totally love Season 4! As much as I loved the first three episodes. This one's even my favorite, because of the less drama. I love everything about it! Although it's a little short on parties, and fashion, it's still filled with exciting episodes. I love Ryan and Taylor! Okay, I used to love Ryan for being Marissa's hero, at any time and at any cost, but I'm loving Ryan more now, when he's being sweet and affectionate with Taylor's help. I guess I could identify with Ms. Townsend, because I am such a sucker for my guy. I would give it a hundred percent just to show my affection. And I do get paranoid a lot of times. And just like Ryan, my babe reassures me, every single time that I get paranoid, that everything's alright :)) (OMG, I have gotten so cheesy again) Of course, I'm solid Summer-Seth supporter. And I just love it now that Julie has given up her scheming antagonistic nature. Haay, I can't get enough of it!! and that's why I'll probably end here and dedicate a separate entry for this.
Haha! Sooper laugh trip. My homegirls and I went to the drugstore last Sunday, and just as we were waiting for E-at's turn, we came across Mwah! A new brand of nail polish. And what's cute about it is that it's named after famous male celebrities! The owner must've been boy-crazy! I'll let you read the names, it's hilarious! Joaquin's PHOENIX, Johnny DEEP RED, Brad PINK, Jericho ROSE, John Lloyd BLUES, and the two funniest, Mark HerRUST, and Sam MILKY!! Haha, laugh out loud!! It's being sold in the market for only twelve pesos, and I'm gonna buy a lot of these and give it as gift packs to my friends! Can't wait to hear their reaction! :))
Go on, and be happy!

a sad, cynical one...

2007-02-04T06:47:00.000-08:00

well, it was a rather sad week at work... Sigh! My bosses were driven out of the office, followed shortly by our Ate, Karen who resigned, and now it's just hard to bring back the happy and fun mode in the workplace. It's not much fun to eat lunch, now that there's only three of us. I miss the gang of high-spirited, smart and bubbly individuals who welcomed me with open arms and made me feel really good about working here. Okay, and so I seem like an exclusive person, but they are the first officemates I had that I considered family. Oh well, I haven't really put much time in knowing how they're doing, maybe because I'm still in denial. Still won't accept the fact that they won't be setting foot in our office ever again.

And so, yeah... in times like these, you just can't help but think that life's unfair. That you have no control whatsoever of what is happening around you. And now, we're in limbo. And with everything that's happening, I still had the energy to read a book and came across a hilarious one. So now I share with you witty, cynical quotes from The Portable Curmudgeon, compiled and edited by Jon Winokur...

Life

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents, the second half by our children.
- Clarence Darrow

Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.
- Oscar Wilde

Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim.
- Bertrand Russell

Cynic/Cynicism

A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past, he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future.
- Sidney Harris

The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.
- George Bernard Shaw

Love

Love is the triumph of imaginations over intelligence.
- H.L. Mencken

Man

Perhaps the only true dignity of a man is his capacity to despise himself.
- George Santayana

Marriage

Marriage: a souvenir of love.
- Helen Rowland

Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real and the ideal never goes unpunished.
- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Martyrdom

It is often pleasant to stone a martyr, no matter how much we admire him.
- John Barth

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
- Oscar Wilde

Missionary

Missionaries are going to reform the world whether it wants to or not.
- Oscar Wilde

Missionaries, my dear! Don't you realize that missionaries are the divinely provided food for destitute and underfed cannibals? Whenever they are on the brink of starvation, Heaven in its infinite mercy sends them a nice plump missionary.
- Oscar Wilde

OK

I'm not ok, you're not ok, and that's ok.
- William Sloane Coffin

Optimism

Optimism is the madness of maintaining that everything is right when it is wrong.
- Voltaire

Optimism - the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
- Ambrose Bierce

An optimist is a man who has never had much experience.
- Don Marquis

I just love Oscar Wilde! I've never been the literary kind of fool, but his quotes are totally uproarious. I ought to start reading about him one of these days...

It's always easier to be cynical and blame everything and what's happening to the world, but hey, one should always try to face the world with optimism. In my opinion, those who are cynical are usually the cowards. They are weak, they choose to give up and just say that everythings ruined, life's unfair and things are probably gonna get worse. But optimists are brave people, ready to face the challenges of life, knowing that there's always a rainbow after the storm. And what is this victory that I'm talking about? Maybe its the thought that they just stay long enough to finish the fight. Or, well, trying not to be too mean, have I mistaken cynicism with pessimism? Or, am I really being an optimist, or I'm just still in denial. I mean, things can't get any worse than this. Something good has got to happen, right? Camille ends up contradicting herself again. But don't mistake my cheery mode as one that's celebratory. I am sad. For what's happened. But you can't let life end there. You can't just accept that you lost, sulk in a corner and allow life to take it's toll on you, bad. You gotta fight it, that's what they always say.

Well, just look out world, I know its been so cold and windy lately, but hey, the sun's still shining! Brighter days will surely come our way! :))

My advocacies

2007-01-28T23:14:00.000-08:00

Just want to share one side of me that some of you might have not seen before.
I am an advocate. Yes, you heard it right. Have you ever thought of me as such? Yes, despite my laidback, anything goes nature, I do have a stand, and I support worthy causes... Here are some, and hopefully you just might be inspired to support them too.

Dove's Campaign For Real Beauty http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/ - this definitely tops my list. I got teary-eyed upon seeing the ad, with the song True Colors playing on the background. Well, because I know sometimes I can't help but be superficial and take too much time grooming myself, hating my flaws. But this taught me that real beauty comes in many shapes, sizes and ages. And that you're beautiful, just the way you are.
Gawad Kalinga http://www.gawadkalinga.org - this is something that makes me proud of being a YFC and super proud of being a Filipino. The song "Hopeful" is playing in my mind right now. Coz I'm hopeful, yes I am, hopeful for today. Take this music and use it, let it take you away. Coz we're hopeful, hopeful that He'll make a way, I know it's not easy but, that's okay, 'cause we hopeful. No more slums. No more violence. No more poverty.
One Campaign http://www.whiteband.org/ came across this group when I was interning as a journalist in Libre. One of the reasons why that OJT is so special to me because it brought out the advocate in me. Just standing up for what you believe in. Anyway, this campaign, more known in our country as GCAP - Global Call Against Poverty. End Poverty Now! Be part of it and MAKE POVERTY HISTORY.
100% PURE
True Love Waits. 0% Alcohol. Virgin and Proud. Another reason to be proud as a YFC. Yes, it's iffin' hard to live a 100% Pure life. It's a constant struggle along the way. But hey, to all of these, we say, "Yes, Lord!"
Save the Barako Campaign - http://savethebarako.org/ it's also something I wrote about while interning at Libre, but I just really thought that whoever thought of that campaign was brilliant. I mean, if you live in a country where rare, exotic coffee beans can live, why would you let them go extinct? The purpose of this campaign is to raise awareness about the plight of the Philippine coffee industry and to help save a rare coffee bean variety with a rich Filipino history. I'm no nature hippie, and I don't drink coffee, but I think this is something worthy to get involved in. Just visit the site, if you may.

Yeah, sometimes you just gotta stand up for what you believe in, because who knows, your little voice may just create a big impact in this world. And of course, if we want to live in a better world, we gotta start change, in our little ways. In the words of Mahatma Gandhi, "Be the change you want to see." If you're interested in any of the advocacies I posted, c'mon, it won't hurt to visit the site. You visited my blog, try going somewhere more causeworthy for a change. And enjoy!!

Well, after a few more entries I just might go back to being the shallow, easily-pleased, can't stop talking about shopping girl, but I have to admit, it does feel good to write about these things once in a while. Not for one second did I even swoon and interject something about my lovelife in this entry. Snaps for me :)) Maybe I should do this more often...

random thoughts...

2007-01-24T02:32:00.000-08:00

I ought to change my blog skins soon. It's just that the photos seem expired and it seemed super duper girly. Wow, I've outgrown the uber-girly cosmogirl stage... It's just a little off kasi when I want to post something serious. Parang hindi kapani-paniwala kasi pink na pink ang blog ko! So yeah, I'll probably do it this weekend. I'll probably be home this Saturday, or in the malls to watch a movie or buy a top, because my babe will be in Iloilo. Or I can stay at home, get a good start at this book I've been meaning to read, while having my pamper-time, hair spa, foot spa, pedicure, the works! (tapos magrereklamo ka na super girly nung blog mo! anu beh...) Yep, I'll probably to that, because I'll be attending Erika's debut on that night.

Sorry, I forgot all the introductory palabok in this entry. I just had to type it before it escapes my mind. Because funny how 'blog-worthy' things pop in my mind, but I'm so busy that time that I end up forgetting it when it's downtime and start to blog. And so when I face the monitor, my minds as empty as the message board. Yeah, what a bummer. I ought to buy a non-work related notebook soon to keep me posted on things.

Anyway, random thoughts:

Wouldn't know how to describe work lately. I know I have to be busy, but I end up doing more petiks than before. I hate it. Its just that, during the start of the year I vowed to be this diligent and motivated career girl, plus the fact that there will be awesome change in the office soon. But that one flopped event just ruined my momentum and now I'm back to my laidback, non-proactive employee. I so hate it, I ought to slide back into my career cosmogirl again, really soon.
Ever get the feeling that you're having fun, but a part of you feels so unaccomplished? That you're not entirely happy because you know you're not doing what you love? If you are, then I'm not alone. Its just that, I love the people I'm with now, the people I work with, the media. I love the fact that my dad's proud to call me his officemate, the fact that I get to rub elbows with stars, and still maintain that low-profile life. But then I know I love writing more than anything. I would love to go back to the hardcore, feature writing. The one job I imagine doing my entire life. I couldn't even ask myself if I wanted a career shift, because that was what wanted since I was young. This work I have now is something I never thought I'd do. But hey, like I said, I'm enjoying it. Plus the pride that I give to my family, each time they tell people that I work in the country's biggest and best media network. But oh well, it all boils down to my future. And I'm also having a hard time to gauge my performance. Whether I'm gonna be getting a new contract or not... I guess I just have to get my resume ready... just in case.
I'm itching to go back to boxing. Wow, it's been a year. I need it, I want it. Maybe I'll start relocating my handwrap and window shop for a new pair of boxing gloves this weekend.
Just went to MOA with Kups and Chen. We had a lot of fun, as usual. sigh! Everytime I'm with them, I just miss the good ol' times in High School, when we would roam the malls and hang out as long as we want. No work to worry about the next day. Just pretend to be attentive in class...
I want to have a MOA date with my babe! I want to watch Night at the Museum at IMAX and go skating at the olympic sized Ice Skating Rink. I want to experience 3d with him, and cuddle and hug with the "snow falling" upon us... Maybe when he gets back from Iloilo.

Speaking of my babe, I gotta go now, we'll be having a rendezvous tonight (wow, using those words in everyday talk huh?). It's getting a little late. Ciao!!

the night i slid and tried to redeem myself

2007-01-22T21:08:00.000-08:00

I wrote this while I was drinking, with my high school friends and new cool peeps to hang-out with. I wrote this, not because I want to appear overly artsy and deep-gal, and impress the new people we were with that night, but because I want to find the truth, get a better gauge of my feelings, and understand myself better through writing. I wouldn't know if this would be a good written material to you, but suit yourself anyway...

Is this party really a PaRtY?
The night I slid and tried to redeem myself

I wrote this while I was drinking...yep, rum-coke, that's what they call it.
After more than a year of abstinence...

Who draws the line between what is fun, and what is make-believe?
Do I really enjoy it, or do I want to appear that I'm enjoying it to seem cool around their presence ?
What are my dreams? I've gotten so confused. Just when everything seems to be in place...
A while ago, I went to the church and prayed for stability, but now I'm more confused than ever.
Will I be doing this for the rest of my life? Or I'm just pretending (to have gotten over that 'phase' ) and I'll be backsliding in the near future? I'm so scared, I dunno what's gonna happen next...

And then after a few rounds of contemplating, and passing for a shot, I finally smiled, pushed away the shot glass, and began to write again...

And then I think of you...
The first, only and enough reason why I'm like this, why I chose to be like this, why I shoved away the shot glass and said pass to another round...and turn away from it, for life.
Why I chose to be in the light.
(These perceived cool people,) they are even one of the reasons why I chose to be with you. Why I will always choose to be with you.
To face the future with you, amidst the fear I feel inside. Though afraid...that we might get lost..
Than stay in my past without you, where I can predict doom.
Hold my hand, don't let go of me.
And although I don't know what the future holds, I'll stay with you. Knowing that together, we'll find our way.

my post about US. 2nd year Anniversary

2007-01-13T17:31:00.000-08:00

two years of togetherness...

Yep, we celebrated our 2nd anniversary last January 3. It was a tuesday, so we didn't get to spend the whole day together, but we had dinner together. It was simple, but definitely unforgettable.

I was actually having a fit about it days ago, because it seemed to me that I was the only one excited for that day. I even almost gave up, and told him never mind, he doesn't wanna celebrate it anyways.

Work was busy for me so when that day came, it seemed so usual, nothing extraordinary, or rather, the thought that we were celebrating our second anniversary was the only special thing that day. We were texting and I wanted sana to have dinner and a movie perhaps, but he insisted that we just stay home because he wasn't feeling well. And then I dunno if I was being intuitive, that I knew him so well, or ga-feeling lang talaga ko. I kind of sensed that he was up to something. He better be, I thought. So I pretended to be a little disappointed and said okay. So I left the office a little early, and dropped by G4 to get him an anniversary gift. I got him a stuffed piggy, not because I'm a Chinese Feng Shui fanatic, but because I just found it so cute I just had to buy it.

Fast forward to when I reached his house, I saw him run to their backyard, and I thought, Aha! I knew it! I know where his surprise was planted. But I wouldn't wanna spoil everything by being a know-it-all (I would hate to ruin his surprise), and seeing how he carefully tried to surprise me, I pretended that I didn't see anything and went to meet him inside the house. While at the shuttle I texted him that I was so hungry, so he didn't prolong the anticipation and showed me his "surprise" - the candlelit dinner that he prepared for us. And although I was just pretending to be surprised, I really appreciated everything. The fastfood-bought food, the additional dish his dad cooked for us, the papaya which he knew I needed, the candles. It seemed strange, but he still swept me off my feet, still does, never fails.

So we had a sumptuous dinner, with his dog Grigio panting as our background music. He's jealous of me raw, says my babe. And then we went to his room to talk more, and open gifts. He got me a really cute belt bag that I totally loved (it's pink!) and he loved my gift. Of course, I fell in love with it the first time I saw it. We named it "Babita" and we took a picture of us for, me and him, babita and guyito. Just spent the rest of the time chilling, talking about life, work, plans, or non-plans. I quarreled with him for quite some time, just about things that I get paranoid with. And as always, he reassures me that everything is, and will be fine. A few hours later, he had to bring me home, because it was getting late.

So that was it. It's a little ironic actually, how things seemed so kulang, so bitin, but left me feeling so complete, and contented. Besides, its not actually how we celebrate it that makes it special, but just the thought that we've been holding on, together, loving each other for two fruitful years. And like I always tell him, I just pray that we'll be counting more years together, even until we're both too old to count :))

in a daze again...

2007-01-08T19:47:00.000-08:00

"Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" the last installment of the Harry Potter series

Wala lang!

Hey, I'm back to blogging here, this is the only one I can access here in the office...as of the moment. The system is really twisted, some days I can't go to this page but I can in friendster and multiply, some days I can't access blogger but can go to friendster and multiply. Oh well, good thing I keep multiple blogs.

Anyway, just got so excited about Harry Potter book seven, after I read about it in the paper. Well, dizzizit for JK Rowling, sometimes the ending is the most important part of the book. Some people just look at it that way.

So how were the holidays? It was a blast for me, literally and figuratively. Spent most of my days: Christmas shopping, spending time with my babe, fam and friends. 'twas the usual, actually. Hung-out with my babe and energy peeps, shopping with my homegirls, lunch with Kups and Chen, visit to my boyfriend's place, him visiting me and mass together for Christmas eve, Noche Buena with family, with wine and choc'lates, opening our presents under the Christmas tree, Christmas day with my bakasyonista cousins from Bicol, MMFF movie with them (it was SuperNoypi this year), hung-out with my babe several times more, shopped nonstop for presents with my homegirls, hung-out and movie marathon at Partner's, a couple of lunch-outs with my fam with my brothers' girlfriends, dinner and coffee with my homegirls plus Chen and boyfriend for Kup's birthday, waited outside our house for her birthday, night-out with my peeps at Malate (attendance: moi, babe, Partner and Tetet, Tito Bong and Tita Tin, Randyboy and Paula, Manny and Khatz, Samboy, Pajong and Jopet) then SEx afterwards (Sinangag Express yun!), New Year's eve at Marikina with an upgrade at our fireworks display, and videoke nights while munching on junkfood and wine for the New Year. Hay, sana araw-araw na lang Pasko. It was sooo much fun, but it went by soo fast rin. Good thing there's always a camera to capture those moments. Can't wait to upload the photos on multiply, this weekend perhaps. http://cosmogirlcams.multiply.com abangan niyo, to get a feel of the party ;).

Other things to look forward to this weekend: Tagaytay and time with my Babe, my sister's birthday, and... just the weekend. Time to rest, de-stress and chill with my loved ones.

I have a lot more kwentos, like how my babe and I spent our 2nd anniversary, and some trying to be deep-gal moments about what I really wanna do with my life now...

Oh well, this is gonna be a series of entries I guess. But just chill, and enjoy the party that is, my life.

Happy New Year!

Getting a new one...

2006-12-18T02:33:00.000-08:00

Okay, so this is gonna be a series of entries, because there's a lot going on in my mind right now that I so want to share with you party people, starting with...

all the realizations that came, and memories that came back when I read my past entries in my 'Diary of the Ice Queen' blog. Natatawa ako ng todo sa mga kabaliwan ko, sa mga maling lalakeng minahal ko, and for the perfect timing for me and my babe.

Actually, it seemed like falling for the wrong guys have prepped me well for my relationship with my babe. But they can't take all the credit. Yes, they have helped me sort the trashy from the ones for keeps, but some stuff, I experience for the first time, and first hand with my Babe. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Some stuff that I wrote or quoted before, that I seem to understand better now...

"And with love, there are no rules. Some may try to control their emotions and develop strategies for their behavior, others may turn to reading books of advice from 'experts' on relationships - but this is all folly. The heart decides, and what it decides is all that really matters." - Paulo Coelho

Spoken like a die-hard romantic don't you think? But this has never been truer to me than now. It's fun to read all those books on relationships, on how to handle your man, stuff like that. But deep down, you know who's the boss, and it isn't even a who. The heart decides...

Another one:
"So now we have to go and find our destiny."
I said this one pertaining to the end of the me and noi phase. And it's comforting to realize that it had indeed come true. I'm so happy in love with my babe, his bestfriend, and I know he and Karen are also there for the long run. It's a great feeling, knowing that God hears prayers, the deepest desires of your heart. And if you surrender everything to Him, and if you're just patient enough, He'll give it to you, plus more than you ever dreamed of and hoped for...

I want to end this entry by saying "Thank you Lord!" For being a faithful God.

I changed my shift sched at work, so I'll be staying longer in the office now than before... So that means more lull time and more blog entries. Watch out, there's more coming up!

Pushing myself to the limits

2006-11-29T02:25:00.000-08:00

Facing my fears...
Pushing myself to the limit...
Giving my best shot...

...all for the sake of faith, dreams, love and happiness.
I don't know how long I can take all this pressure, but all I know is that I'm pushing myself to the farthest I can reach.

Weh, papaka-deep girl na naman...

And then, insecurities bite again. It sucks because I know I'm so blessed. I'm happy with the way have been brought up. My family, friends, my job, everything. I may have other dreams that I want to pursue, some silly things that I need to troubleshoot, but all in all, I'm contented. So why am I feeling insecure with that girl, his college days crush? I dunno, maybe because I read his testimonial on her friendster account when he was so crushing on her. He was like all praises for that girl, while he knows all my imperfections. She seems so bright and 'sunny' all over, while he knows my moods, he know I can be such a snob, a brat, a b*tch, at times, especially when I have migraine attacks. Maybe because they loved her the first time they met, while I have been trying to make them like me since forever. Maybe because she's the typical girl-next-door that every good boy can fall in love with: chinita, pampered, athletic, outgoing, friendly to guys, while I'm... just me I guess. Pinay na Pinay with no trace of foreign ancestry whatsoever, commuter, madungis minsan dahil sa pagcommute, gaining weight because I'm so lazy to exercise, somewhat introverted, minsan isnabera, minsan mabait. May topak, malabo magsalita, mag-explain. Hindi magaling magbigay ng advice. Clumsy, laughingstock. And he knows all of that.
Anong laban ko sa babaeng tulad niya?
Well, fast forward to our fight last night, in front of our friends tito bong and tita tin, because we were arguing in the rain and they reckoned we get inside their car and sort things out. How did things get this bad between us? Maybe because we always thought love will be enough. But it won't, at times when we need to talk but we'd rather avoid arguments and confrontation. We were so afraid to hurt each other other that we end up doing it soo badly. Well, we ought to talk pa to iron things out, but I'm glad that we ended the night (well, it was morning na actually) having said the things that really matter, faith, trust, friendship, keeping promises, apologies, and love... And it didn't matter if my eyes are all puffy now. At least, I slept sound with him calling me his love again...

Whoa, i'm so anticipating Christmas na. Two weeks to go and I'll be off on our Christmas vacay. I'm so excited to take a break and just spend quality time with my loved ones.

...and a week passed without me touching this blog entry. So yeah, we had 'the talk' already... and what happened, let's just say I'm in my mushy zone again, and I never wanna get out of here! I know God answers prayers. Well, sa araw-araw kong dalangin ng pagtibayin niya yung amin, alam kong aayusin Niya kung kahit gaano na kagulo.

oh well, time to work again, ttyl pals!

and here I go again...

2006-11-25T03:36:00.000-08:00

Yes, here I go again... Busy-busyhan?

No, I've been really busy the past few days. Remember when I said that my 'petiks' phase will take its toll on me one day? Well, that day has come. And now I remember when I was complaining to Tito Nelson about the first job that I had, he told me one valuable lesson, "Hindi talaga nauubos ang trabaho Cams, you just have to find a way na makapagpahinga ka ng maayos para hindi ka masyadong mapagod..." and man, he's soo right.

So here I am now, trying to maximize my time for rest... by blogging? hay... ang labo ko talaga...

RAndom things...which aren't so random to me...yeahyeah, y'all have heard that crap.. anyway, here goes:

*It's weird how time flied so fast today... I just waited all week to spend some quality time with my babe, and when we finally did, it ended in a blast. Bummer lang, it was so bitin. I went to his house in the morning so that we could hang out and talk, kaya lang I keep getting phone calls from work, nainis talaga ko. I mean, Saturdays are for me, the day when I choose to be with the people I love, the one person I love. Because Sundays are for the people I love most, my family. and Sats are MINE. But all this engagements at work keep on interfering even on my rest day. Anyways, we ate lunch together, his dad is a great cook by the way. And then we went to the dentist to get his retainers adjusted. Then we hung out at my place naman. But since he has a basketball game at four, he had to leave na rin. And then after he left, his friend just texted me to tell him that the game was cancelled. Awwh... and now I miss him badly again. We fought last night on our way home, and I was crying at the shuttle, it was so embarrassing. But we always patch things up, because as always, at the end of the day, it wouldn't matter who made who upset, and who started the fight. All that matter is that I'll be holding on to him, resting my head on his shoulders, and he never lets me go. Awwh, mushy, cheesy, yes, I am both.

*I always remember my favorite professor, the master-artist-writer Sir Jun Cruz Reyes whenever I want to take my writing seriously. He told me that what he loves about my style is my tongue-in-cheek approach. The ability to make fun of myself, laugh at myself when I made the wrong decisions, sablay choices, and still have the guts to write about it. I dunno, I'm like that, I know when I shouldn't take myself seriously. But I also remember him telling me that at one point, that style is okay, to endear myself to the readers. But there should come a time, if I really want to be known as a writer, that I detach myself to this kind of writing and take on more serious issues. "Lumabas ka Camille, hindi sa'yo umiikot ang mundo. Lumabas ka, tingnan mo kung ano ang problema ng karamihan, kung ano ang hinahanapan ng solusyon, at yun ang isulat mo." One learning that I will always bear in mind. From one writer to another. Yes, I know. The world does not revolve around me. It's not all about me.

But in this case, this is my blog, so it's quite about me. ME. Me wishing I could go back to my college days and pursue writing. Being a hardcore writer, maybe a novelist. Because now, it's a little of writing and a lot of PR-ing. Not that I'm complaining. I love my job. It's just that, I believe I was born to write. About things. About views. About justice. About freedom. About love. About life. Then again, this is ME wishing I could go back to my high school days and make time to join the school paper. But hey, I can't go back. So I guess this is just ME wishing for more time to hone my craft, to write about things that really matter to me, like my 'graphic novel' that I started writing ages ago, stories about youth, family and love. Dreams and faithfulness... okay Camille, tingin mo sa pagdugtong mo ng words na yun, nagpapakamalalim ka na? No, not really. I just wanna share my passion. weh, nagpapaka-deep girl ka lang Cams eh.. Why do I always contradict myself? Ayan tuloy, they're thinking I'm a joke. But hey, if you know me well enough, you'll know which among the things I say is true.

*Oh gosh, I miss being carefree again. I so miss high school. A week ago, I had the chance to hang-out with Kups and Chen again. Sobrang saya! We were with Chen's boyfriend Alfredo this time, because the bf comes with the package, and are inseparable. But it was still the same threesome. Because I have to admit, Alfred's cool with Chen hanging out with us. Sumasakay rin siya sa mga kalokohan namin. Eh loko-loko rin kasi siya. Kaya nga jive sila ni Chen eh. At ngayon ko lang na-appreciate yung relationship nila. Plus the fact that we now have a driver and bodyguard (Hehe, peace Alfred!) Anyways, I just realized I miss all the fun we used to have! And it's so reassuring to know that we haven't changed at all. Okay so now we spend our own money, and we don't confine ourselves to Las Piñas and Alabang, aba, paMaka-Makati na ang mga loka! And Chen and I have boyfriends now, serious ones at that. But the friendship hasn't changed. We may have been more responsible now, but together, we're still the mischievous girls that we are back in high school. Playing pranks at people, and at each other, even! Laughing at funny memories, and our usual antics. Naghihiritan pa rin kami. Chen is still our resident ate-slash-sugar mommy, ever so thoughtful. She always remembers to bring snacks for us everytime we go out, just like when we were in high school. Jai is still the wacky girl, the daredevil among us three. Our source of laughter. Everything Jai does is funny because she does it with flair and (over) confidence. And then there's me. I'd like to think that I am the rational one among us three. the very laidback, dependable girl. And I know I haven't changed towards them. Because I will always love my girls. They're like sisters that I grew up with. We're not like the typical "tabing-ilog barkada" as kups and I call them (haha, yeah, i know we're mean.), but I know I can always count on my girls. And I think we've been through a lot. Even more than those who brag about their solid friendship (na uber predictable, and boring). We talk about each other's flaws, and we laugh at each other's katangahan, at sobrang pinagtatawanan namin kapag may nagdadrama. But we're real with each other. We tell one when she's being gaga, martir, and all other things sensitive people might end up crying and hating us. Hay, I soo love them. Along with Ardiz, Mamaw, Jehn and even Lhena. Awwwh, I miss them tuloy.

*I had the chance to hang out and bond with Ate Mabel, my aunt from Bacolod tonight. I realized we have a lot in common. Some things that we talked about are too personal to disclose here. But rest assured, just in case relatives are reading this, WE ARE GOOD GIRLS. Just a little spoiled maybe. And I just knew I have it in my blood. Yes, she confirmed the hearsay that we are a family of jealous people. We are so passionate when it comes to the people we love. Kaya selosa talaga kami. Because we're very loyal. And here's a toast to us, for our frustrations on relationships and our hopes for a happy future with the people we love.

***okay, this entry is getting so long na, and I have to sleep early pa for tomorrow. And I'm just so sleepy I might just doze off any minute now. Til next tym, sweetie. Byers.

girl tree...

2006-11-25T03:00:00.000-08:00

Got this thing from my officemate Karen (tnx ate!), and just like her, I would like to think that I am one of the apples on top. And (yes, getting mushy again) I believe that my my babe was the brave one who climbed to the top to get me... (hay, ang feeling ko na naman... eh bakit ka naman mangengealam eh blog ko nga toh!!)

------------------Girls--------------
-----------are like apples------
-------on trees. The best ones-----
-----are at the top of the tree.-----
---The boys dont want to reach---
--for the good ones because they--
-r afraid of falling and getting hurt.-
-Instead, they get the rotten apples-
from the ground that arent as good,
but easy. So the apples up top think
somethings wrong w/ them when in
-reality they're amazing. They just--
---have to wait for the right boy to
---- come along, the one who's-
----------- brave enough to-----
---------------climb all---------
---------------the way--------
--------------to the top--------
-------------of the tree.---------

deep girl for nothing

2006-11-14T18:03:00.000-08:00

a lot of you might think that I only make sensible, blog-worthy entries when I'm troubled or depressed. When I'm sad, that's the only time you get to see the deep, contemplating me. Is it because, "I'm Cosmogirl", I'm supposed to be telling you about 'the party that is, my life', about relationships, friends, gimmicks, shopping and makeup in a very chick point of view... I know, I can't get enough of talking about those, right? And talking about deep, serious, heartbreaking, soul-searching stuff, it's not part of my image...

But it doesn't always have to be that way...

Okay, now I'm kind of pressured because of what I said, add to the fact that Im gonna be late (again!) for work. Parang nawala na yung mga makabuluhang sasabihin ko at gusto ko na lang bumalik sa pagka-mababaw.

I lost my wallet, two days ago... and losing it came with realizations when I never expected it to hit me at that time.

Babe and I were not talking in the shuttle because he was pissed AGAIN at how I managed to make him wait for me AGAIN. These are our issues, but anyways, by the time we got off the transportation, we patched things up and he was already wooing me to feel better, because I was so sad that he never runs out of reasons to be mad at me =( so when we were walking towards the tricycle stop, he asked me if I have coins. And then, that's when I remembered about my wallet. I accidentally left it in the shuttle. And just as I was about to cry because that was my first time to lose a wallet, and it had a lot of important things (like ATM, IDs, health cards) and money (yabang!) in it, and I know that it's been such a long day for the both of us, and he's really tired, plus the fact that his teeth is aching because of the expansion screw so I know he was gonna be irritated at me again, but he just held me tightly, apologized ( which is a big thing for me, because given his pride, I usually do that part) that he was too hard on me a while ago, and told me, "Don't cry na, hanapin na lang natin, andyan pa yun." Grabe, for some reason, dun bumaba yung pride ko. Because here I go again, always thinking that I'm the 'right' one in our relationship. Pero hindi pala ganun. At times that I really feel so low, and I'm in my 'wala na kong ginawang tama' moods, he's there to catch me, carry me and sustain me (and get some sense in my head at times when I'm being such a brat). And that is what's really important to me. And everytime he clasps his hand with mine, I feel safe, I feel secure. I know he'll never let go of me. Of course I got that 'sermon' from him again when when brought me home that night, but at least he was gentler this time.

While we were walking and looking for that lost wallet, I found myself thinking of the money in it. I wanted it badly so I can pay Wena for the loads of awesome stuff I bought from her, so that I can buy a top from Zara for Lifestyle Network's event tomorrow, where all the bigwigs in fashion is gonna be, and so that I can splurge all my earnings at that Bazaar. Then it hit me. Have I been thinking of money too often than before? When I wasn't earning yet, I never cared about how much money I have in my wallet as long as it sustains me throughout the day. As long as I have little to buy trinkets for my babe and for my peeps. As long as I have a few extra in case I get lost in the big cities and resort to getting a cab. As long as I can grab a bite at McDo when I feel hungry on my way home... Gosh, I just realized that I had gotten way too materialistic. Blinded by all the designer brands, the fasyon, the extremely sheltered life. I was almost shattered when I lost that money. Maybe because I worked for it. But that's not reason enough for me to start feeling so poor. Like just three days into the next payday, I still thought it wasn't gonna be enough. For all my luho. Money suddenly became my refuge, I relied on it to make please me. Then I realized, what two very important people (babe and my father) told me that night, "Pera lang 'yan". But I know now that without the expensive clothes, designer labels and extremely sheltered life, I am still blessed. I have a good job with a modest salary, the status of my family still enables me to have a well-sheltered life. I am happy and healthy with my loved ones, and I know that rich or penniless, they will love me nonetheless. Those are the things that really matter.

So, with Christmas coming up, the challenge for me is to be like the Cams that I used to be when giving gifts, put more thought than amount into it. And to spend more for others. Not to care too much about salary, and money. And cut down on shopping sprees, and window shopping!!! Yes, a bazaar is still a bazaar, and who could resist fab finds on discount? Okay Cams, have it your way, shop, but not til you drop, and do not haggle!! You do that at Divisoria, not at Glorietta or Rockwell!! Are we clear on that?

Okay, back into my uber Cosmogirl mode... Have to go to work, byeee!!

kilig mode: I'm loving this song ryt now, by idol Sarah Geronimo...

"Carry my love through all the seasons, carry my heart inside the reasons
You are my prayer at my every thought, that I will guard at any cost.
You are my safe inside the storm, and in your arms I am at home.
Every emotion that's uncharted, gives me a joy from where we started..."

I'm cheesy and I know that!!!

oh yeah!!

2006-11-03T17:14:00.000-08:00

hey there party people!

it's still quite early in the morning, but I decided to update this blog. As much as I can, right? That's how important you guys are to me!

anyhow, some random things... that aren't just random to me. Of course, i won't be posting them if they aren't important...

*babe gave me flowers last night. It was our 22nd monthsary. It was so sweet. I actually couldn't remember the last time he gave me flowers. So last night really made me happy. I wasn't expecting anymore, so when I entered Pao's car and saw my babe holding flowers, I found myself smiling, in the rain. Funny, he even said it wasn't for me, and I was actually starting to believe him! But when we got to Tito edric's house, he finally said that it's for me, and i hugged him really tight because I was really, really swept away again.

Okay... I forgot to put on the WARNING: Mushy Zone sign.

*Anyways, while we're at it, watched You, Me and Dupree and there's this really cry out loud line that Kate Hudson said. It goes like, "So you lost your mind at our dining table, and your bestfriend is a cray person, but I know who you are. And I love who you are. That's why we never walk out of each other." - awwh, I dunno, guess that's somehow like what I share with my babe. I always say it, ours is such a rollercoaster ride. But I love him for who he is, and it may sound silly for some, but I know him, so I get his little quirks, and I understand and accepted his hang-ups and annoying qualities. Because all that matters is that he loves me and I love him. Like yeah, I admit I can be such a spoiled brat at times, but he knows me also. So I'm not walking away from him. I might get upset sometimes, but I'm not going anywhere.

*Awwh, I miss the dvd marathons, and watching The OC over and over again. By the way, I already have the complete season 3. I just can't get over the fact that Marissa died, really. I still am so devastated. It's just really unfair, when everything's already in place, Marissa's in good terms with her mom, everyone's happy and they're all going to college, Marissa dies. Awwh, I am so affected with this!! But anyways, it has to happen right? The OC's not The OC without the dying, and the love-hate relationships, and the rollercoaster turn of events. That's why I'm soo excited to see what's gonna happen with my fave couple Summer and Seth, and how Caitlyn is gonna take Marissa's place and popularity in Harbor. and also, what's gonna become of my fave bad boy Ryan, and the new inner circle member Taylor. I'm so gonna buy the fourth season!!

*ButI have to focus on work for now, I'm gonna have my first ever press conference that I'm gonna handle on Monday. tough, really tough. But I know I'll be able to pull it off. Just do my best and pray.

*I'm so excited for Christmas shopping!! I couldn't make up my mind on my Christmas list yet, but I think I actually have a hefty shopping to do soon. I just love shopping and giving presents to the people I love. Would it matter if it's cheap? Nah! with my taste, I bet they won't even think of the price.

...okay, so this is getting rather long, I have to hit the showers and prep myself, my babe's gonna be here any minute soon. TYTL party people!! ciao!!

it's multplying...

2006-10-31T00:35:00.000-08:00

"i've got chills, they're multiplying, and i'm losing control."
"you better shape up, coz I need a man, and my heart is set on you..."
"you're the one that I want, hu hu hu, honey, you're the one that I need, hu hu hu, honey."

...i miss the grease musical. It's so perky and rocky, ooh, i just love it!

yes, i did not make any sense in the first part of my blog, but hang on to the rest, you might just find something sensible.

I had a day's rest today. Actually, I went and interviewed someone from work, but he just lives nearby, and it went by like a breeze, not longer than an hour.
So i spent the rest of the day updating my blogs, uploading pictures in my multiply account.

By the way, if you noticed, I haven't updated this blog in a while, we couldn't get access to it in the office eh. And then when I get home, I'll be too tired and sleepy to blog by then. Most of the time, I'm out of the house on weekends... Yeah, I guess I've gotten pretty busy these past few days. Anyways, the only happening thing I can access in my office internet is multiply, so I've been updating it very regularly, my blog there is the most updated by far. So if you miss me, visit my multiply account and get a feel of the party, that is, my life. Check it out: http://cosmogirlcams.multiply.com
I miss being cosmogirl here. I've learned to love this spot, my ultimate party place, which is my sanctuary at the same time. It's in here where I can be cosmogirl and deep gal at the same time.

by the way, people at work have been calling me cosmogirlcams. Two of 'em are constant bloggers to so I gave them my blog address and that's when they started calling me that. Hey, it's been a little over a month since I started work, and well, what can I say? "I love it!" I'm loving it actually. The peeps are really nice and I feel so at home with them. Like work doesn't seem so dragging because time flies so fast in the office. One moment we've all just arrived, setting ourselves into work mode, the next thing you know, we're already out having lunch. They're a really cool bunch. There's this little 'devil wears prada' sitch going around, I think it's inevitable in every workplace, but she's outnumbered by us so we still remain the happy people that we are...

I've gotten so comfortable at work, that I have been so lenient in my diet! Well, we eat all the time, we love desserts! But I can't not take it seriously this time. I have chubby cheeks and double chin on my Bora photos! (we just went to Bora by the way, check out my fotos at multiply) And my tummy is bulging, I could no longer hold it in!! My babe has been teasing me about it quite often now. I soo hate it! This time, I'm dieting for long-term! I know Christmas is fast-approaching, but I really have to do something about it. I'm swearing by healthy eating by deck deli, and less desserts from now on...

Speaking of Christmas, I'm so excited already!! Uh-oh, I have work now and people are expecting me to shower them with gifts, but fyi, I have just started, and the salary I get is just really, basic. The job just sounds so posh and big-time, but the pay is not that big. But I love giving presents. I love shopping for presents!!

Okay, suddenly I didn't feel like blogging anymore, I'll save all the kwento for a more boring day. Right now, maybe I'll start writing my Christmas list. Ciao party people!!

on to happy days

2006-10-17T07:09:00.000-07:00

Happy again...
forever is my babe.
Happy with my forever.
Haha, ambush in the morning always works for me. Yes, I made things easy for him again, but that's how it is eh. Suddenly pride and principles doesn't matter anymore. He made all my efforts so worth it anyways.
The way comforted me and hushed me to stop crying, how he embraced me tightly so I would know, and would believe him that we're okay now.
"Hindi na, hindi na, sorry... Tama na..." he said while stroking my back coz I was crying so hard, and kissing me on the forehead at the same time.
And that's the end of him making things uber hard for me. Oh, I just love him to bits. He has his attitude, that I just don't get at times, he's arrogant and self-righteous, and is extremely moody that he can make me cry, but I love him nonetheless.
I know problems and misunderstandings would happen again, as it couldn't be avoided, we're two very different people. But I would still choose to be with him, and I could say that, without batting an eyelash.

it's never the same...

2006-10-10T18:05:00.000-07:00

Excuse me if I'm in no mood to party now...

I just feel so lost...

I don't know what's happening. Worse, i don't know what's gonna happen. I doubt that things will be back to normal again. After all that he said and admitted.

Even if we choose to be with each other again, I know it's gonna take a while. But that's just a possibility more than a definite thing, that's just a 'maybe' instead of 'it will be'. Unlike before where he said that he just needs time for us to think and assess what's going on in our relationship, now there's actually no guarantee that he'll be coming back. He even said, "Siguro dadating yung time na ireregret ko tong decision ko..." I don't know if that's final or for the moment lang. I so want to believe that it's the latter. I really hope it is...

There's a tiny weird feeling that hit me. I would again go back to the times when I would be excited. Brought about by the clueless-ness of what's gonna happen the next day. More so, in the future. Waking up eager to see what the world has in store for you today. That each day is a whole new adventure rather than just a chapter leading to the most anticipated future. A little part of me is eager to experience being happy go lucky again.

But then, what is that compared to that wonderful feeling of knowing that today and tomorrow's an adventure, but not an entirely different course from the other. Because today, or tomorrow, someone's gonna be there to make you smile. To laugh at your every adventure, to assess with you. Cry with you at every failure and comfort you at disappointment. Someone's there to give you a pat on the back when you're at the lowest and urge you not to give up, and go on. Yes, because he's with you at every adventure, though sometimes he let's you take some part on your own, because he knows you can do it by yourself. and you let him have his way at some parts to, because you know he'll do great. But you know that you're at the same course, you complement each other. You know that when you're tired, he'll be there to carry you. And when he feels he can't go on, you'll be around to give him a little push.

And then the most anticipated future is just the culmination of all the adventures that you surpassed together. That it would certify that you're ready for a higher level. A whole new, and different course...Wouldn't it be better to wake up knowing that you're moving up at your adventure rather than starting and starting at the bottom...

I don't know... So what now? Is this just a chapter, a level in our adventure, or the sad ending where I take a fall? One that will hurt me so bad I don't know if I can ever stand up again...

Everythings okay during the day, yeah i get caught staring in space a lot of times, but it's not totally miserable... But when I'm alone, at night, I cry myself to sleep. I sooo miss him...

Babe, come back :'(

of blackouts and bonding

2006-09-30T19:24:00.000-07:00

The typhoon that hit Manila was the strongest one that I've ever encountered. I know when I was in fourth grade or something, there was actually a super typhoon that lasted for four days, I don't remember the details, but I remember there were no classes for almost a week. Haha, but well I'm working now, so the no-class rule doesn't apply to me anymore. So where's the fun in that?

There was no electricity everywhere, and it was iffin hot at home, and dark. One secret, our house is kind of haunted (totoo!) and we're one big family of scaredy-cats. Hehehe. I can't really sleep in the dark. I so wanted electricity so I could sleep in the comfort of the aircon, at the electric fan, at least, and knowing that when I get so scared in my room, I could always get up and see my father still up, working in his office and my brother playing PS2. Now everyone's just itchin to go to sleep, which makes me soo lugi because it takes a while for me to fall asleep. And so I end up getting more frightened, it's crazy.

I hear people complaining everywhere, for the shortage of water, of food, for boredom...

But despite all that ranting, I guess some good also came out of that blackout thing...
I got to spend a lot of time playing with my brothers, sister and cousins, and it's not the grownup asaran bonding, it's the hardcore batang kalye kind of play, it was so much fun! Well, we all had nothing to do, all our cellphone's batteries had ran out so we couldn't even text. We took turns charging our phones at my cousin's car, and while were at it, we were out on the street, hanging out. We played all sorts of stuff like Pinoy Henyo, Monkey-Monkey, Ice water-ice water, matamataya, pizzapizza pie, and all games whose names are to be repeated twice. It was so much fun! (I know I've said that already) I missed the days when I was a kid, I was such a tomboy. All my playmates were guys and we played dodgeball, agawan-base, patintero, etc. Hehe, I just missed being carefree and running, and getting all sweaty.

And then it was time to sleep. We reckoned we would just be pissed if we forced ourself to sleep when it was super hot. So we also played games while at the bedroom. Mga pauso kong laro, anything to forget the brownout and the heat.

Come weekend, there was still no electricity. I missed surfing the net and blogging. Good thing my boyfriend came over and made my day, as always. I just love it when he comes over and bond with my fam. Like last Saturday, he spent the entire day with us. He ate lunch with us, and played football with me. So, what happened? I just got so nervous because we didn't ask permission from my cousin and the street was kinda narrow, so I didn't do very well. But he spent the whole day with me, plus the effort that he rode the bike from his house to mine, I just love it. It's a perfect weekend for me.

Okay, so this blog is just about him making me so happy by spending time with my family. Haha, nope. I just wanna share my blackout experience. And how I used to measure happiness by all the things that I have, stuff that was made to make life easier, and other things seemed to be dispensable. But it's the other way around pala. Although life would never be so great without electricity, light and water, I know I would manage if I have the people I love, laughing and partying beside me. But without them, I could never live.

Be inspired...

2006-09-30T09:25:00.000-07:00

Need inspiration?

Came across this story in my new planner... REad this, and I remember telling myself, "She is my new idol."

Read on...

Whistle While You Work

Her husband needs a whistle to call her back home. At the crack of dawn Leonida, the only nurse in the whole of Luba Abra, is already out of the house, attending to the sick. It is hard to predict what time she will be home again, she goes where and when she is needed. She assists at every birth in the town, attends to the every sick child, comforts the old and dying. And when there are accidents, she is there first, attending to the wounded and even performing minor surgery usually reserved for doctors. But there are no doctors in Luba Abra.

Disappointed that people did not seek treatment because they couldn't afford medicines, Leonida set up Botika Binhi, a cooperative that sells good quality medicine at prices the poor in her community could afford. Today, all the barangays of Luba Abra are members of Botika Binhi. Maybe someday, members will come from all over Cordillera.

Leonida, however, must stay within earshot of the whistle. Piercing through the iar, the shrill call will always send her rushing back home to her husband. Despite all her achievements, she chooses to be at his beck and call. When he whistles, she comes home to be at his side.

Her husband is bedridden. He is paralyzed and can't move without assistance. He needs a nurse like Leonida by his side always, he needs a loving wife beside him always. Yet, he lets her go, to serve others, just as he serves him. He manages on his own, clutching the whistle, knowing that when he blows on it, Leonida will come back.

...I don't know with you but I was really touched with the story. Is it the hopeless romantic in me, or is it true love, perfectly showed in there? I never dreamed of becoming a nurse, but I want to be helping other people, in any way that I can. But if it's my babe who has the whistle, and just one blow, I will rush to be at his side, in a heartbeat.

First Day High!

2006-09-20T17:18:00.000-07:00

First Day High!!

I have lots of kwento so I'd like to get started with my routinary Bridget Jones school of writing:

(Note: The current weight status category cannot be viewed until further notice. The author still hasn't come near any weighing scale, but crosses her fingers hoping that she's lost that pounds with her effort in dieting.)

Currently Reading: Successful Public Relations - the Insider's Way to Get Successful Media Coverage
Yep, still educating myself for this career. I have been skipping some chapters though, like the ones intended for establishing a PR company, etc. I'm focusing and bookmarking the ones I can use like writing a good press release, dealing with the media, etc. And speaking of that, let's move on to the next category. C'mon, ask me about my...

Current Career Status: Working... and Loving it!
Yep, I have already started in my fab job two days ago. Well, I don't wanna be such a party-pooper by saying that the salary isn't that big, but it really compensates, mooore than enough. How fun can it get? My boss is really nice, my officemates are a group of happy bunch and very accomodating, I got a warm welcome from them, and wait til I tell you about the nature of my work.
Did it help that I'm hearing YFC praise songs being played in one of my officemate's cubicle every morning? Yeah, I just know I'm in the right place. I really think I'm gonna like it here.
The people here are really nice. Well, okay, not really sugar-y nice, they come with a little mean streak, and that's how I like it. Because hey, we're in media - slash - showbiz. We were made to be a little more observant than others. Hahaha. I'm having such a blast.

It's pretty cool actually, how through this job, my world gets bigger, and smaller at the same time. People, old friends from my childhood, from high school and college are all making a comeback in my life, and working in the same company. It's a small world after all. And then it gets bigger with all the media, press people I'm meeting almost everyday (more of this later)...

Most of my officemates are my age, so I could pretty much relate to them. But I'm really at the point of grasping everything, so I'm still a little reserved when it comes to relating with them. I wouldn't want them to think that I'm being epal, that nakikisawsaw ako when I don't really know what they're talking about. Plus the remaining fact that I'm not really much of a talker. Remember when friends complain about me not making hirit and just listening and laughing all the time? Well, at least my laughing at everything pretty much compensates for me passing with talk. I hope they get me soon, and I warm up even more with them. But it's really nice, unlike my old job where I feel like a social outcast, eating alone, I actually have friends here. Or so I hope. We eat lunch together, talking and laughing together (but they do the talking and I'm laughing).

And then there's work, Haha, actually, no hardcore work yet. I've already been assigned to an account, but just a few writing jobs here and there. Tagging along at press conferences, meeting editors, columnists, etc.
Speaking of which, I really have to work on my PR skills, as I am already making a career out of it. I guess I've gotten so used to being exclusive, and I appear to be so exclusive that my communication skills have become quite rusty. But hey, always make an effort to become better. So I'm really doing my best to work on it, not being my usual "isang tanong, isang sagot" self, I'm actually trying to engage in a conversation with people I have just met. You know I was never a feeler or closey type. I treat people, acquaintances with respect, but never push myself to be uber close to them and be calling them tito and tita on the first day of meeting. I usually wait around for them to warm up to me. But that's not gonna happen now. It's my job to get to know them so I have to make the first move.

My speaking skills aren't the only ones that need a boost. Of course my confidence needs a push, along with my appearance. Don't roll your eyes this time, I'm serious! I just realized that my laidback schoolgirl porma won't work for me anymore now that I'm trying to appear professional and confident. Gotta ditch staying on the safe side and be more fashion-forward. Coz if not now, when? In a broadcasting network where everyone is trying to look beautiful so they won't feel left-out with all the tv stars running around the place, looking sloppy and negligence in one's appearance is a crime. And I'm not just talking about my clothes here. With beso-beso being the mode of greeting in press cons, it's a sin not to look made-up and presentable. Add the fact that people know my father, and my sloppy dressing might reflect on him and I don't want that. So now I'm being just like my mom, religiously following my skincare regimen (although sometimes nakakatamad talaga!). That is why next week, I'm splurging on clothes, makeup, the works! Yey!

Okay, I knowI'm boring you already. It's just that everytime I talk about beauty and fashion, I get so carried away.

Oh well, you might think that I'm soo shallow, like if I go shopping for new outfit and be more talkative, do I think I'm gonna be successful with just that? Of course not. I know it's waaay more than that. I know I need to be sharpening my brain instead of my eyeliner, but as of now, I'm troubleshooting these "shallow" stuff to prep myself for a heck of hardcore, challenging job. I know all this relaxing will take it's toll on my pretty soon, that's why I'm making the most out of the so-called "petiks" time.
Besides, PR is also about presentation. How to make it look good to the public. Well, before I do any serious work on that, the first one who will be looking good, is ME. ;)

5 parts ego?

2006-09-15T01:15:00.000-07:00

Hahaha... Just having fun with the quizzes...

How to make a Cams

Ingredients:

5 parts success

3 parts humour

5 parts ego

Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Top it off with a sprinkle of fitness and enjoy!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Camille may explode without warning

M
EXPLOSIVE

From Go-Quiz.com

21...

2006-09-11T19:25:00.000-07:00

twenty-one...

Gosh, four years from now, I would be 25, and I've always looked at 25-year olds as mature people. It's when they're old enough to make wise decisions, and when you make the wrong ones, you can't get your way out by claiming that you're just a kid. It's scary, the thought of it makes me cringe, and I'm four years closer to that.

I don't know why I suddenly felt nervous, maybe because I have made a lot of wrong decisions in my life. But hey, I made great ones too... and those are the ones that count. But I'm just so afraid to be responsible for my decisions yet. But hey, things wouldn't really change much. I just have to take account of whatever choice I make. My parents and trusted friends will still be around to guide me in making the right choices.
Or, it could be the age. Looking at all those fabulous, successful young women in magazines, made me think that I'm quite late in getting to the Successful Women Arena. I'm 21 already, and I'm still depending on my parents, with no significant achievement to date. It's depressing when you look at it that way.

But hey, now that I'm 21 and therefore qualified as an adult, I have to stop whining like a little girl. I have to take charge. Deal with whatever it is that life throws at me and throw it back at them. I have to start taking life a little more seriously, like at work. Because at 25, I want to be this successful career media woman, who has made a name for herself, and not just some media lord's daughter.

There are some aspects in my life though, that are non-negotiable, and I would not allow to change (or if they would, into better). Like close family ties, my growing relationship and unfaltering love for my boyfriend, my bond with my close friends, my service to my community, and my faith in my God. These things will I never, ever let go of.

Wow, deep-girl material, don't you think?

My birthday was, a little different from before. My family and I didn't celebrate it in a nice resto, because my parents and sister were away. But hey, I still had a blast, in the kitchen, that is! With the help of Ate Celyn and Big Momma (our helpers), I managed to whip up an incredible dinner for my guests: my brothers and their girlfriends, and my cousins with their visitors, pajong, kups and my babe. I cooked Seafood Pasta and cheese-pesto garlic toast, the helpers made barbecue, and I perfected my recipe of Blueberry Cheesecake! I have been trying to make the perfect cheesecake ever since I developed an interest in baking.
It was a rather grown-up way to celebrate my birthday. I cooked for my peeps, like I spent almost half of the day coming up with a menu, buying ingredients at the supermarket, and whipping up a feast in the kitchen. None of those waiting for gifts, ranting when people came late, with no surprises, none of that. I'm just happy I showed off my cooking skills, and they loved my cheesecake. Hey, that's an achievement!
Well, there was nothing grand about my birthday, but at least I got a card from my babe, and he stayed up late to be the first one to greet me, and that made it really special because he's been so busy lately, and he never sleeps late. Like if it's already ten o'clock, he'll be so sleepy na. But he waited for the eve of the twelfth to be the first one to greet me. Ain't that sweet? And the message of the card pretty much made up for him showing up late at my dinner. Hey, I love him, so as long as he's with me, everything else doesn't matter much.

Okay, getting a Bridget Jones-y again...
Current Weight Loss (in pounds) - still not ready to answer that! Hmp!
I was actually mortified, when I went for my medical check-up and the nurse noted my weight. I gained weight again! Hmp! I have been dieting for a week! Ugh, it's just so depressing and discouraging. But hey, I have to be optimistic about this. The more reason I should be getting my mind set on dieting. So I'm not getting near any weighing scale again until I'm certain I've lost some pounds. On one of my window-shopping trips, I saw some really nice swimsuits, and they're not overly priced. More motivations, that's good. In fact, I'm getting used to not eating rice and drinking more water lately. Borabora, watch out, you're gonna see me when I'm a babe!
Current Career Status: Getting ready for a fab career!
Yeah, finally I accepted a job in a broadcasting network, where I will be writing. It's pretty neat actually. It's kinda glamorous and very challenging, but I'd still be able to maintain a low-profile, plus I can dress however I like. The salary is...okay, pretty much acceptable. I'm actually getting my mind set on this also, because, DIZZIZIT. A real career in media. My chance to prove to people that I am actually skilled and fit enough to be in the Successful Career Women arena. And to make my parents proud. If I do well on this, I'm insured of a nice and bright future. I can't afford to mess this up. So I'm really gonna give my best on this one. I'm actually studying the job as early as now. I can't wait to get started.
Currently Reading: Successful Public Relations - The Insider's Way to Get Successful Media Coverage by Jim Dunn
Okay, so this is a new classification. I just thought that if I put this here, I would be obliged to read and maintain a bookish attitude. I just finished "How to Find Your One True Love" by Bo Sanchez, and let me tell you, that book is really useful. I would recommend it to single friends. Bo never fails to make sense, be blunt and still be friendly and caring about whatever he's trying to make us realize. About one true love (OTL)? I just realized that true love is different with romantic love. It's making a decision, it's making a choice. The thing is, it's not true that there is only one person out there for you. God's plan is waay more complex and incredible than just one person. He gave you a whole world of choices, a world full of young men capable of being OTL material and a brain to use in picking the right one, to choose the right person. It sounds so unromantic, but when you think about it, he does make sense. As for me, I believe I have my one true love. Because God paved the way for us, in a world full of other good young men and possibilities, but I chose him. And I chose to love him. So I'm always praying for this true love to stand the test of time...
Oh, yeah, I'm currently reading this Public Relations book, to prep myself for one heck of a fabulous and exciting job.
Oh, and I would be going to the mall later with my homegirls, so I better get myself ready because one of my birthday resolutions (yes, i have such thing) is to stop going out of the house looking so sloppy, I always have to look polished and put-together. It doesn't matter if I'm not wearing expensive, designer clothes, I just have to wear it like it's worth a thousand bucks. My mindset on drab to fab!

So...ttyl, i have to go take a long bath and afterwards catch up on my reading. Ciao!

hope guys get to read this...

2006-08-30T18:04:00.000-07:00

I'm the one commenting in italics

To Guys : Things You should know about Women

I don't know why this guy wrote this, but he's a genius. Every single guy on the face of the earth should read this. If they did, girls would probably get treated a lot better than they do...This was written by a guy who has had years of experience. and he's pretty damn good, with women..

1. Whatever you do, don't just show up at their house [without notice]...they run around in their underwear just like we do.

2. DON'T CHEAT ON THEM. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out and you will be mad!

3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your ass at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the hat.

4. NEVER miss an opportunity to tell them they're beautiful.

5. DON'T refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's because they're jealous.

6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it.

7. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms.

8. If you don't sleep with them, DO NOT tell your friends that you did.

9. If you DO sleep with them, DON'T tell your friends that you did. (is it worth it? you probably wont get any anymore if she finds out)

10. You can be dirty minded in private, really...most of them are not offended by it... -Well, no it really, really turn girls off...eeewh!

11. Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales. - Yeah! Especially if it's pizza!

12. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a pussy.. - i don't really mind if I pay, not an issue...

13. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, ONE OF HIS SWEATSHIRTS, and a really PRETTY RING. Even if it's not a serious relationship. - don't know about this, pero, cge, sabi nila eh...

14. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely.

15. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to beat the shit out of him. (just make sure that the guy is REALLY bothering her...)

16. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, PULL YOUR GIRLFRIEND CLOSER.(MEN, JUST DO THIS IF YOU LOVE YOUR WOMAN OKAY, YOU KNOW THEY'RE SENSITIVE) -and i couldn't agree more!

17. NEVER, ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back.

18. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went. (that's a test how much you really love her..)

19. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents, and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.

20. Don't flirt with their moms...that is just freaky.

21. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like shit, so be understanding.

22. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it. - Yeah! If you don't like the way we do things, you do it! hmph! Men...super reklamador!

23. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend.

24. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.

25. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them WITHOUT being asked. (we just want you to make us lambing to make us forget about the pain)

26. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.

27. Memorize their birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life. (surprises are good too!)

28. Don't marinade the cologne, but smell good. (be consistent on how you smell when you're with her.. so that next time, everytime she'd smell that scent, she'll remember you)

29. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or christmas or valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful. (a well-thought of gift is better than anything else)

30. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It will only hurt her more if you draw it out. (and if you're not ready to commit, then don't court her.)

31. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.(NO DOUBT.)

32. NEVER, and i mean NEVER make her do anything she doesn't wanna do. Because if you do she'll think that you're only after one thing. (and i think you all know what that is..)(respect!!!)

If you have read this and you are a girl, then some of these things are actually really true...am I right?! And if you read this and you are a guy, then these are like the best tips you could ever get!

namaaaann...cams, ang babaw....

2006-08-30T01:29:00.000-07:00

and finally, the last of my series of entries today,

MY WISHLIST!!!

my birthday's coming up really soon, and I have been wanting to do this for a long time now...
and don't worry, this one is really for myself, I don't expect you to be looking at it and be giving me gifts on my birthday. Just a simple greeting would be very much appreciated. It's always the thought that counts. But in case, you insist, and I receive a gift written on this list, well, it means you really, really like me... haha!

1. a wishlist! (okay cams, eto na nga eh, so go!)
2. GC at Powerbooks, so that I can get my hands on all those chick lits I've always wanted to read, but afraid to buy it, coz then people might classify me as really, really shallow na...
3. Enchanted Kingdom passes (two or more!) for me and my babe, and friends
4. Dinner at Soul Food, Greenbelt 3
5. A cute puppy! (seriously, this will be the only time I'm wishing for one, since I feel braver only now...)
6. GC at Beauty Bar (puro GCs, kasi I'm really undecided about what to buy in those stores, coz there are a lot of things I want, so GC na lang)
7. Ralph HOT Perfume ( I have Ralph and Ralph COOL na eh, so this one na lang in a cute, purple bottle)
8. A Jordi Labanda notebook (c'mon, I'm a writer. It's not a waste to indulge in these chic notebooks, everything I write naman, I treasure. So I really need a cute notebook!)
9. A Jordi Labanda folder (seriously, I have lots of papers, and I take them with me all the time. So I have to be fashionably organized)
10. A Pussy Cat Dolls cd ( dancing to "Buttons"...)
11. Dinner date for me and my babe, at 19 East, or at Figaro beside 19 East
12. A palm top ( I really wanna be able to write anywhere... anytime...)
13. To be able to see real, natural waterfalls (oh yeah, I haven't seen one in my lifetime yet)
14. To watch a movie at Imax in MOA (with my babe and friends of course)
15. A Complete Season 3 of the OC DVD (need I say more?)
16. GC at The Spa...
17. A Pig-Out Feast (Meat Lovers Pan Pizza in Cheesy Volcano Crust...yummm!, with Extreme Hotshots from KFC, and McMilkshakes) for me and my peeps
18. New boxing gloves, and a punching bag...
19. A White Nike Free Zen 7.0 (too bad this ain't available in the Philippines yet)
20. A nice, cuddly comforter for my bed. With nice uber soft pillows ( o diba, sleep is really important to me)
21. Honestly? Well, a nice long letter from my babe, and from my friends is the best gift I could ever receive on my birthday. I just feel so, disconnected with people already. And what's up with people not saying how they feel? I just want to hear from you guys so badly, and with my babe being so busy nowadays, I'd just love for him to write me a long love letter...

Oh well, at least my wish of having a wishlist was granted... I hope more will come...

Getting shallower by the minute...

2006-08-30T01:06:00.000-07:00

Listening to "Beautiful Days" by Kyla
Grabe, it sounds so dreamy... Haha, yun lang. No more sensible thing to say about it. I just think of my babe whenever I hear it...weeeh...mush...

Listening to "Me and You"by Cassie
and now I want to dance. Acutally I remember Shiza, my previous officemate and room mate at Tagaytay, every time I hear this. It's her fave. And any song that makes me think of happy memories with friends, it's in my fave list. Plus the tune is just so dance-y, that I can picture me and my homegirls groovin to this in a posh club. Speaking of officemates, it sucks that I didn't even get to be close to some cool people at work, people who made me feel at ease while I'm there. People I know, I would've been close to if I hadn't resigned. oh well, kaya nga may friendster eh. Hehehe.

party or no party...

2006-08-29T19:05:00.000-07:00

well, sorry if I haven't been so Cosmogirl-y in my entries lately...

It's just that, I was sick for two days, my skin's breaking out, and i don't know about my bod, it's just...so not me.
I don't feel so peachy recently. Haha, but I guess, ligo lang toh. And I might talk my mom into visiting our derma today, of course after the novena. It's Wednesday, fyi.

I miss partying...
And I know I have been using the term party too many times, and you might be mistaking me for some girl who loves the nightlife, splurges her money for expensive club entrance fee, prowls the bars like a cat, who likes showing skin when she dresses, who drinks and dances like there's no tomorrow.
I am so not that girl.

How do you define a party girl anyways?

Is she someone who calls up her friends on a lazy night, to have some fun. By going to some Über expensive club to dance and drink and splurge their money on whatever it is she buys there. She meets and flirts with some people, or if she's really hot, she goes with her boyfriend and have their good time there. The next day, they wake up with crazy hangovers and well, life goes on... She'll be shopping for another party top to wear the next time she goes out.
**or I might know someone like that, but hey, she's sweet, and she's harmless, and she's my friend. So I love her regardless.

If that's who you call a party girl, then I'm probably just a poser.

Because partying for me is, really, just having fun. Day or night. With or without cash to spend. I go out and hit the clubs, alright, but not too often(I'm lucky if I do that once 5 times a year), and I don't go out for booze, I'm really just for the dancing, and the company of my friends. Especially my homegirl, Kups, who is every inch a night person, and loves to move freely at the dance floor. So if not for her or my homegirls, gffs and pffs, I'd rather stay at home and party with my own crowd. It can be just chilling at the Cortez's, or hanging out with the djv people, it's all good. The natural high works best for me. I don't have to worry about a crazy hangover the next day (because i hated it when I was still drinking). Wala lang, just don't read my blog expecting to read entries like "Gosh, we drank a lot last night, I was so wasted," or "I saw (famous person) at (expensive club) last night, he looked so hot.", because you're not gonna see any, and you'll be disappointed. Because my party is my life. The people I meet, the fun I have learning new things, acquiring realizations, scrutinizing every detail of the conversations i had with people who matter and makes sense.

Okay, so did you get my point? Because I'm pretty sure I did. Quoting Joycey - "Ang lungkot naman nun kung di ko pa magets sarili ko, sarili ko na nga lang. " - i really love that girl.

So, I had a great time hanging out with Kups the other day. I accompanied her to ABS for her exam, and she went with me to Makati to give my clearance form to Manpower. The rest of the day? Hahaha, window shopping! The search for the perfect tinted moisturizer. Okay, so before that, we were hungry so we went to go grab a bite, but where? This is our thing. We love to eat, but more than that, we love to sit, and chill and rest our tired feet while eating. So a place with soft chairs, nice couch, preferably with pillows, that's our idea of the perfect lunch resto. Pizza Hut in G4 is pretty much full, and Fridays seem a little too expensive for a casual lunch between bestfriends, so we headed out to Greenbelt because I told her how I soo want to eat at Soul Food, because the interior is so cute, and the food doesn't seem uber expensive. So we went there and gave it a try. The verdict: i wanna celebrate my birthday there! (if not at Fridays) The food was good, the interior's really posh and homey ( Kups and I felt so at home, we hugged the pillows like it was ours), the price is just right, and it's situated right at the heart of Greenbelt 3, which makes it look so happenin'. I really hope to have my birthday there. Loved it...though I'd still want to try the one upstairs near the movies, where they have real beds. Food and slumber ? wow, go have a pig's life! But speaking of bed, Kups and I have found the perfect place for our much-anticipated night out with the homegirls, Kaye and Tae. Bsta, it looks cute, I'm pretty sure they'll like it there. We're not telling where we're going yet, because everytime we'd plan to go out and where to go, it never pushes through, so just trust us on this one. I'll be posting pics anyways. So, we also promised we'd buy a gimmick top one of these days, and we'll push through with the gimmick, coz that promise was like, ages ago pa! And we'll be buying our makeup too...

Which brings me to the topic. I am just so fascinated with makeup. I never thought I'd be that girl. My makeup mantra is very minimalist. Moisturizer with sunblock, blush (if I'm going out talaga), lip gloss and I'm all set. But I never realized how important make up is! I mean, admit it, we don't look perfect the moment we wake up. We look good alright, but not really, picture-perfect. And that's where makeup stands. They were made to make us look so put-together and confident. Like I never thought I'd care about applying mascara and curling my lashes, but well, I found out that it really opens up your eyes! Making you look Veronica and Betty, Daisy duck adorable. Your eyes will look uber sweet and romantic, that it makes you appear so dreamy...
I'm not an expert in makeup (at least not yet, but when kups and I go to that makeup class, we will be!), but I guess the key is, to look for products that suits you, looks natural on your skin, and takes care of it as well, and use it. Of course, keeping in mind that looking natural still works everytime. So yes, Kups and I have finished the hunt for a good tinted moisturizer. Actually, it isn't perfect yet because it's not bagay with my skintone (since when did my skin become porcelain?), but as opposed to the P1,700 worth moisturizer (which fits a golden girl like me), I need something I can use everyday (because I hate the feeling of foundation piling up on my skin, so a tinted moisturizer is basically the solution for that), and has sunblock. So I'll go for the less expensive one, since it's more practical. And really, I would be so conscious if I buy a 1,700 peso worth of beauty product, I mean, i'd practically try to save it again, until it decomposes. And I wouldn't want to buy the one from Body Shop, because it shimmers, and the tube is so small it will probably last for less than two weeks. So yeah, I picked the one from Loreal, although it's in a shade of porcelain, it looks matte when you apply it, has SPF 50, and is cheaper. Aside from that, once in a while, be on the lookout for new breakthroughs in makeup and get your kikay kit an update. I'm so excited to be buying Maybelline's Dream Mousse foundation and Loreal's Mascara. Kups and I tested it a number of times, and we still get amazed at how it makes our lashes appear longer. Especially hers, I mean, mine's long by nature, but Jai has short lashes. So when she used the mascara, they gave her flutters a great boost. While I looked like I had lash extensions, it's soo long, I looked so gay! (in a good way ha)

Sigh! Amazing how I can talk about makeup for a long, long time and not get bored at all! I just knew the beauty industry is somehow my calling.

Oh well, tomorrow, I promise myself I'm getting a facial, a mani-pedi, and I'm gonna tweeze my eyebrows. Lucky if I get my hair cut, I've wanted bangs since I was little, but I'm afraid I look more sophisticated, less cutesy without it. Haha, now I know I'm boring you!

My entry started out so deep, ending super-shallow. But hey, this is still Cosmogirl, expect the unexpected.

Insecurities bite...

2006-08-29T18:27:00.000-07:00

Last night, was one of the lowest nights I've had...

I dunno what entered my mind that I suddenly had the urge to open other people's friendster pages, and I came across that of my boyfriend's ex crushes...

and i read his testi for her...

and I cried...

It's just that, he's all praises for that girl. And although he wrote that testi waaaay before we got together, I just felt this big surge of insecurity gushing at me. While I'm reading it, I saw that he was really into her... and I just felt super low...

I feel like crying everytime I think about it. Did he just settle for me, because he can't be with her? Am I just second-best? I don't think I could ever live with that...

It sucks because I know I'm not his ideal girl. I don't know if I ever will be...

I know it's insane, because he has proved to me, in every way that it's me he loves, and he'll be with me forever. We've talked about that a million times already.

But why do I feel so insecure? It's like I always have to keep getting better to measure up to those girls. I know he's not asking that from me, but I just feel like I have to do that. I feel so competitive... What is wrong with me? shux...even I don't know...

If he would have the chance to have a new life, would he still pick me to be his girl?
I badly want to know the answer to that...

and a series of entries...

2006-08-29T17:22:00.000-07:00

i can't believe that people actually read my blog (or am I just trying to be humble?)...
Doorman has even gotten so popular. Hahaha...

Anyways, I missed blogging. And I have all the time again.

Okay, getting a little bridget jones-y again...

Current career status: Jobless - again!
Yeah, well, I signed a one-month contract with them, and I just don't see the point of signing another one that binds me for a year, when I'm not really enjoying what I'm doing. Or, I guess I enjoyed it, it's just that, I'm not getting the experience that I needed in handling events, no matter how hard I work, the salary can never compensate the workload, I don't feel proud of my job, my boss is a b*tch, when in fact he's a guy, there are still a lot of greater opportunities out there for me, and I just really missed writing...so much that I think it should be my major profession.

Current weight loss (in lbs.): Still not ready to answer that!
oh yeah, i got sick for some days, so maybe I lost some weight. But aside from that, i had really not made an effort to be losing weight. Although, I have a new motivation to making an effort to lose the bulge. BORA! that's two months from now pa, which is good, a nicer, more fit bod is attainable before my homegirl and I hit the malls again for new swimsuits.

So, I'm gonna be writing a series of entries today, it's just that I really missed it! So, bear with me, and enjoy the party!

I Know Better Now...

2006-08-14T16:06:00.000-07:00

Warning: This is a long entry.

I was about to send this thing that I wrote to a glossy women's magazine, but then I would want my dear bloggers to read this, and also because, I want the whole world to know that I made my mistake, but I had the chance to make it right. And I super thank my boyfriend, the love of my life, for giving me this chance. So, in other words, this entry is for my babe. I just want everyone to know how sorry I am that I almost broke his heart, and I would do anything to heal it. Mahal, I hope you read this (if you know him, kahit kwento mo na lang sa kanya that I wrote this for him)...

Cliche'd as it may sound, I thought that when I find my true love, everything will be perfect. I'm the type of person who values loyalty and trust in a relationship, so I'm not one who looks around and plays around. So imagine my surprise, when I found myself getting confused and lost in my relationship.
When I tell my friends that my relationship is not perfect, they always tell me, "You make it seem like it is." Admittedly, sometimes even I believe that I have the perfect relationship. The setup is ideal. We started out as friends and we fell in love. We both have the passion for serving our God, where young people look up to us as an ideal couple. He's their Kuya, I'm their Ate. Our parents know each other because we all belong to the same community. I just started working, while he's been working for a year, and we've started talking about our future. His mind's set on working abroad, so that after a year or two, we can buy a lot for a modest home. When you see it that way, you will agree with me that our relationship is pretty much stable.
It's stable, not perfect. We've had a lot of fights. Major ones that almost broke us off, and petty ones, that when you ignore, can get so big and turn into a major one. Like we argue about me being so makulit, and him not spending time with me as much as before. But of course, we'd always make up. I'd always apologize for being so demanding, and he'd say sorry for being so irritable. So our relationship isn't perfect. But that's no reason for me to start looking for another. When I committed to my boyfriend, I vowed to give my best in our relationship. I've given up the bachelorette life, and I've stopped looking at other men. I told myself that I would be the perfect girlfriend for him.
So on one out-of-town trip for work, I met this guy. Let's call him Doorman. He's buffed, chinito (I know my babe will laugh when he reads this), and really nice to me. I was just in the trip to assist in the event, so while my officemates were having their seminar, I was pretty much alone. Lonely, because really, I would rather go to that place with the people I love and not for work. So Doorman kept me company. Him and the guard stationed in the country club. He'd show me the greatest spots in Tagaytay, and everything seemed so good. But I wouldn't doubt that the whole time we were at those breathtaking spots, I was thinking about my babe. Wishing he'd see it with me.
That night when my bosses were on their drinking spree, Doorman called me in the bar, and he noticed my voice was shaking. I'm freezing, I told him. And I'm getting scared with the older men hitting on me at the bar. He said he'd go over there, and I told him not to. But he still did, and he even brought an extra jacket for me. How thoughtful, I thought. We spent the night talking. About our relationships. I'd brag to him about my babe, because I know that I'm the luckiest, most blessed girl in the world to have him (I still do). I told him that even though my boyfriend doesn't spend much time with me anymore, I know that he loves me, and he's doing this for our future. He told me that a lot can still happen. When he was my boyfriend's age (he's 28, my boyfriend's 23), he thought that he'd be together with his girlfriend then forever, but a lot has happened already. He's been with two more girls after the one he promised forever to.
That's when I got scared. And confused. I called up my boyfriend because I wanted him to reassure me, but he was sleepy already.
That night, I couldn't sleep well... I don't know why I felt so safe around him. He's so similar to the guys I used to like. Someone with a rough streak, but is mature when you get to know him. Was there an attraction? I wasn't sure. And so, admittedly, I got confused, if I like him.
The next day, was different. We got closer, I felt comfortable around him. And I felt weird because the guard would talk to me about him, what a nice person he is, the guard would even cover for him so that he could tour me to the nicest places in their country club. The attraction in his side was undeniable. But I know that I caught myself on time. I knew that attraction was so shallow compared to the deep feelings I have for my boyfriend. That day, he kept asking me, when we'll see each other again. I told him, that maybe when he plays in our area, if by chance he plays with my boyfriend, then we'll see each other and catch up. He said my boyfriend might get mad. I told him that he wouldn't, because I'll be taking my boyfriend with me, in case we see each other. When we parted, I just thanked him for being so nice to me and showing me all the coolest spots there. I told him I'm gonna miss Tagaytay.
Even until when I was back in the city, we were texting constantly, talking about how great the place was, and updating each other about our relationships. I keep telling him to go to his girlfriend's place and fix things with her. As for me and my babe, things were still as it is, stable. But that night, I confided to a close friend about my "confusion", he told me that clearly, I was just alone and missing the company of my boyfriend in Tagaytay, that I just got too vulnerable, that I thought I was feeling something for Doorman. My friend said, that if I keep entertaining Doorman, I would lose my babe, and I just couldn't live with that. He's the best thing that ever happened to me. Everything seemed much clearer after that. I know my boyfriend and I have our shortcomings, but definitely, the love is alive. He's the only one and I wouldn't trade him for anybody else. My friend warned me though that I shouldn't tell my boyfriend, or else I might just lose his trust.
The next day, when I thought everything would be better, it turned tougher. I was expecting everything to be back to normal, where I would forget that little weekend confusion phase. But being with my babe is such a rollercoaster ride. That when I was expecting him to reassure me, he was making it hard for me to get reassurance.
I guess the truth is, I wasn't confused if I was feeling something for Doorman, it's probably just the romantic ambiance in Tagaytay. I was confused that, what if my boyfriend really doesn't love me anymore? What if all we planned for our future become empty promises? What if he just woke up one day and realize he doesn't care about me? Even more, I got so confused if our love would stand the test of time. I mean, I was just in Tagaytay and I got confused. What if he gets confused in another country? Would he do the same as I did? Would he entertain a nice person who keeps him company while he's alone? I know now that I was not confused. Just afraid. I know for myself that I wouldn't do anything when a guy starts to be close to me. I'm just not so confident that he'd do the same.
Going back to that Sunday, I wanted to see him, but he wouldn't tolerate me. It's Sunday, we agreed it's family day. So I just didn't get the assurance I was desperately yearning for. I thought he just didn't want to see me. The more I started to doubt if I made the right choice in being with him. Things got worse that night, because we got in a fight, and my mind was already spinning (about my career and I just couldn't get that assurance from him). Doorman was nice, telling me that things are gonna be alright between me and my boyfriend, and I thanked him for being there for me, he said that's what friends do.
Monday, things were way confusing. I was still texting with Doorman. Regarding something I left at the country club and apparently, he's still not okay with his girlfriend, and my boyfriend was still pissed at me. The night before I promised my babe that I wouldn't bug him so I just waited the whole day if he would text me. Fortunately, that text came late in the afternoon, asking me if I wanted to ride with them. But things were not as smoothsailing as I hoped they would be. We got into another fight because I kept insisting we spend more time, and he doesn't want to. Eventually, I told him that we really needed to talk. I mustered enough courage to tell him that if we don't, he'll never hear what I want to say... ever. So finally, I convinced him to come home with me.
The fight started out so bad, I was so nervous what his reaction was gonna be. We started arguing again about the stuff we usually fight about. Like he always think I'm jealous of him spending time with his family (which is so not true, you know that now, don't you Babe?), when I just feel taken for granted, that's all. And I was just confused if he still loves me. He told me to believe and be satisfied. I thought the argument would never stop but then it finally came to a point that I told him about Doorman, and I admitted that I got confused if I had feelings for the guy. He fell silent, and it broke my heart when I saw how hurt he was, like all the energy in him evaporated. That's when it hit me. I was so stupid for doing that to him. How could I do something that would hurt the person I love most so bad? I broke out crying while apologizing and hugging him the whole time. Because at that moment, all the confusion disappeared and all I wanted to do was comfort him, and assure him that it's him I love. Only him. I didn't let go of him until he told me that he believes me.
Funny thing about my boyfriend (which is also one thing that I love about him), is that he can make even the toughest situations seem lighter. He started making fun of me, for getting confused, and almost liking a chinito guy who just showed me around Tagaytay. Everything felt better after that. He said that if he was "tarantado", he would've broke up with me that moment. So I started crying and hugging him again. Saying sorry that I questioned his love and giving him a reason to question my love for him. I didn't let go until he told me that everything's okay. I asked him what he would do if he goes out of the country and meets someone, would he be confused like I was? Finally, he reassured me that everytime he meets a girl, and everytime he hears that a girl likes him (He's just soo lovable, girls can't help liking him, but he's mine, finders keepers!), he ignores it completely because he wants to be loyal to me, and because I'm the only girl he wants to be with. I cried more after that. And more hugging. I just couldn't let go of him, I would be crazy to let go of him. I was just so thankful that I loved the right person.
Well, it was getting late so he said that he should leave. I agreed because I didn't want to keep him from his family. Before he left, we locked in a long, tight embrace, and it's the warmest feeling I've had in a long time. At that moment, I felt more than contented and satisfied. I felt complete.
The next day, I woke up getting a text from him, saying that he wouldn't want to be selfish, that if I'm not happy in our relationship anymore, I only have to tell him and he'll let me go. I insisted that it will never happen. Because that would be the only time I got confused, and now I'm believing in our love. I didn't stop reassuring him until he told me that he believes me. That same day, Doorman texted me asking me about the giveaways that I left, and he was trying to catch up with me. I texted him a very brief message about the souvenirs, and finally thanking him for being so nice to me in Tagaytay, and that I hope we'd stay friends even if we don't text or see each other anymore. That was the last message I sent him. He asked me if I'm not going to text him anymore. I didn't reply, so I guess, even though he didn't get it from a text, I'm sure he got the message.
WhenI think about it now, I just feel really stupid for questioning what I have with my babe. How could I go back to liking those kinds of guys? They are even one of the reasons why I feel so blessed that I'm with my boyfriend. And I know all that matters is that I love my boyfriend, it doesn't matter anymore if he loves me the way I do, what matters is I love him. The one who makes me laugh even in the toughest situations. The only one who makes me cry and forget my every hurt when I see or hear him cry. The only one who can make me feel so happy even when we're not always seeing eye to eye. The one who makes my heart beat faster, and slower at the same time. The one who can make me feel a multitude of feelings and still know it's all because of one thing: true love.
Although it seemed like Doorman was the antagonist in this situation, I'll never thank him enough for what he did for me and my babe. My being confused with my attraction for him made me see the whole picture a lot clearer. I realized that the problem was not with him, and with my boyfriend. The problem was me. Because unconsciously, I believed that I was the perfect girlfriend, trying so hard to be one. Believing that my point is always right. It now occurred to me that I'm only human. Capable of making mistakes. That I don't have to be so perfect, because someone loves me for who I am. My ever so faithful, loving and forgiving boyfriend.
Now I know what they mean that love is more than a feeling. Sometimes it's also a decision. To cherish and be faithful and have faith with that person no matter how many trials you come across. I know now that no matter how strong I want to be, I can be vulnerable. I can be faced with confusing situations like petty misunderstandings. But now I know that I only have to focus on the bigger picture and choose to hold on to the hands of the person I love. And we'll never get lost because love always finds it's way.

***Babe, Mahal, I would never forgive myself for the pain I caused you when I doubted. My heart aches everytime I remember the look on your face when I told you that I was confused. It was one one the weakest moments in my life. Now I know that it will be so stupid if I do that again. Now I really know what you mean when you say that I should just believe and be satisfied. I do and I am now. So I'm telling the world that I will never doubt what we have, because I know it is real. We both can feel it. I always tell you that I've waited my entire life to find you. So I'm not letting go, ever again. And I would do anything to prove to you that my love is true and it will never change. You are and will always be my forever. I love you so much.

working...

2006-07-20T06:18:00.000-07:00

Current career status: WORKING (finally!)

Oh well, I finally got and accepted a job. It's cool, in between way under my qualifications and glamorous and exciting. I'm having a good time at work, actually, I'm learning a lot new things, it's just that I think the salary really doesn't compensate the amount and quality of work that I'm giving. Oh well... Let's see how this goes...

Weight lost (in pounds) : Haha, more of gaining pa nga eh!

I think I'm being so hiyang with working, I'm eating so carelessly recently! It's just that food, eating is becoming a refuge for me. When it's lunch time, or dinner time at home, I go back to having my freedom, being the boss again. that is, in the table. Oh well, I have to be more conscious now, part of all this training I'm getting is to prepare myself for more colorful and glamorous work a year from now. I should be prepping myself to look beautiful and powerful...

hay naku, I'm getting sleepy na, I've to get up really early tomorrow. So TTYL. Can't wait for Saturday when I'll finally give you the blow by blow. Ciao!

haay...

2006-07-16T17:54:00.000-07:00

oh well...
another monday... every one's off to work slash school, while I'm here...

Anyways, I just wanna share how overwhelmed I am because our prayers were answered. Imagine, it's been a really gloomy week in Manila, the rain doesn't stop pouring, that is, until yesterday. We had our sportsfest. Well, when we were preparing for it, we were all praying that it wouldn't rain because it would be such a party-pooper, and yesterday, although the clouds were getting a little heavy, it never rained, not even a drizzle. God is good! Aside from that, we were also starting to worry about the food, it might not be enough for all fifty plus of us who attended the event, but when we finished eating super yummy dinuguan and adobo (that my babe's dad cooked) and rice from big banana leaves that we shared (it was soo cool!), we found out that there were still leftovers. Asteeeeg!

okay, so I'm waiting for a call today, but it's cool, I'm just gonna make the most of my time by catching up with The OC (gosh, I just found out that Season 3 will end with Marissa dying, party-pooper I know. We'll buy a complete season 3 dvd soon), watch the newly acquired DVDs, hehe and give myself a pedicure.

So, guess I'll see you around! Ciao!

i'll get my way with english!

2006-07-13T23:01:00.000-07:00

"Don't judge my brother, he is not a book!"

This is turning out to be such a classic, don't you think? Well, I adore Melanie Marquez's guts and "i don't give a damn about what you think" attitude. I super love her English. She's one person I consider to have a wonderful command of the English language.

Yup, because for me, having a good command of the language, is basically it, literally speaking. It's when you don't care about the tenses, the grammar, the subject-verb agreement, but you just speak and use words according to your own liking. And you manage to make it work, and get your message across. Simply put, it's using the language in a way that works for you.

I, for instance, know that i have a lot of grammatical errors on my blog. But I say, "To hell with all of you, scrutinizing every word I say." Just focus on the thought, and see how I make sense after all. Maybe that's why i didn't come around to majoring in lit. Oh well, I'm loving my style of writing now. It's chick slash tongue-in-cheek slash realist. More like Bridget Jones meets Cher of Clueless. Works for me. Hey, but that doesn't mean I'm shallow and all I could talk about is makeup and relationship or parties (although I could always go on talking about them for hours!), I coud be deep if you want me to. Or get a hold of my writngs in college, i could cook up a mean straight businessly English or straight newscaster-like Filipino for you.

And I'm really a pronounciation girl, I wouldn't care if your grammar's all wrong, but you better say it right. I even correct my mom or my boyfriend if they mis-pronounce a word or thing (but hey, that happens really rarely, and it's for their own good. And I still love them regardless). Another thing with me though, is that when I get too passionate talking about something, the words come out so mixed up. Which only proves that my mind is a lot faster than my mouth. Well, I'm forever trying to troubleshoot that tiny glitch...

okay, enough about me... here are some for your own vocabulary:

drama mama - one who draws conflict and negativity to themselves for attention or self-grandification

Fetch - means cool, popularized by the movie "Mean Girls", a little trivia though, this term was already used in a website way before the movie was shown. Aside from that, the word which was a shortened verion of fetching was used a lot in England, earlier than when the word cool was used.

Snakes on a plane - an intense crisis or problem that is totally unexpected and will require all of one's wits to solve. Kind of similar to the phase C'est la vie, Sh*t happens...

K-Fed-Ex - Kevin Federline after Britney Spears dumps him

JMT - Just My Type
Jedi Mind Trick - an attempt by a person to get out of something by using the old tricks.

TTYL - talk to you later

Okay, so that's it for now, try using some new words to your vocabulary. TTYL!

just torn...

2006-07-13T22:37:00.000-07:00

Do you wonder why there are so many "What she/he says, what she/he means" or "Girl/Boy Talk" stuff going around?

I would never admit that I am a political activist, it just isn't part of my image to be that serious thinker. But if there's one thing I absolutely confess I am, is that I'm a feminist. Though not as die hard as those Gabriela gals (though I totally support their advocacies) or one of my bestest friends Diane (and she's even considering becoming a lawyer to defend women's rights, just the thought of it diale, makes me so proud of you. What noble thing. See? We're not really as bad and screwed up as they think), but I am.
The thing is, I believe in freedom of both sexes, yet I'm all for chivalry. I has to be alive again.
So now, I am just so undecided with these "Girl/Boy talk" going around. Are they being sexist, stereotyping men and women? Is it fair to think that all women think alike, and that they really don't mean what they say? Or is it just a lame excuse for men not to take a woman's word seriously? Okay, I'm being too much of a deep gal ha. Or, are these stuff harmless, and those who wrote them, are they just trying to be clever?

You decide...

WHAT SHE SAYS VS. WHAT SHE MEANS

says: Di ako galit...
means: Asar ka!

s: Wait, five minutes na lang...
m: i'll be ready in an hour

s: i have a suggestion..
m: this is what we should do.

s: Ang pangit ko ngayon...
m: tell me I'm beautiful.

WHAT HE SAYS VS. WHAT HE MEANS

s: Do you wanna eat?
m: I'm hungry

s: Gusto mo talaga panoorin yan?
m: Ang corny...

s: What's wrong?
m: Nag-iinarte ka na naman dyan...

s: Ikaw ang pinakamagandang babae sa mundo...
m: hay... eto na naman tayo...

Sigh! wouldn't it be easier if people just say what they really want, and mean it?
It's hard to be such a leftist... But hey, Miss Manauat, you better be smiling right now. You made such a point in our Genders Class. Although, my thoughts aren't making sense sometimes, at least I'm thinking! and not just going with the flow, with the norms... haha... I miss college, and I still want to learn so much more...

weirdoh...

2006-07-13T21:34:00.000-07:00

i think i've had enough anticipating... it kills eh. Just when I got too ecstatic about the job offers (2 in a day, it would really get your feelings soar!), they stopped calling. Oh well, that's okay, I mean I really wanna make the most out of the remaining bum days of my life. Because, one thing's for sure, once I start working, I will be taking it seriously, no horsing around.

Okay, random things...

our monitor still blurry, i can barely read what I'm typing....

i have updated the look of my blog, do you like it? I have also added a new link, urbandictionary.com. I totally love that website. It's so informative. In this crazy cosmo world, you gotta equip yourself with the right, shocking words. I try to visit the site as much as I can.

hey, if you came from my friendster page and clicked the link that brought you here, welcome to my party!

listening to: Lovesongs as of the moment. It's kinda weird, but I find Aerosmith's I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing really, really romantic. "And then I kiss your eyes, and thank God we're together. I just wanna stay with you in this moment forever!"
i dunno, i listen to as many lovesongs whenever I can. Makes me swoon, and feel good. Haha, cams, the ever hopeless romantic. I grew up reading fairy tales eh, and believing that they do, come true.

Hey, I never thought I'd say this, but being the showbiz-y person that I am, I see myself comparing myself to Kristine Hermosa (Yup! funny, isn't it?). Well, in an interview in Star Studio Mag, she just admitted about being a completely different person from her bf, Papa Diet. She's uber-idealistic, fond of fairy tales and fantasy, when her guy is the get real, be practical kind of guy. And that makes us so like them. Warning: Mushy Zone I've always pictured myself as a princess when it comes to the love of my life, but it happened, that he's not exactly your typical prince charming who will sweep you off your feet. He's not the dream guy I've always pictured, and he can be such a pain sometimes, but he's real. And everytime I look at him or think of him, I can't help but thank God for my knight in shining armor. And I see myself five, ten years from now, still loving every inch of him. So much for hating Kristine Hermosa now. I'm soo into showbiz. Sometimes I feel like Heart and my babe is Echo. It's just that, when you see two people deeply in love and passionate with each other, you can't help but think. "Oh, they're like us..."

"Don't know much, but I know I love you. And that may be, all I need to know."

Haha, do you remember that scene from "The Notebook"? When Noah and Halley were fighting. how I love it. They fight all the time, but they just imagine themselves ten, twenty years after, still together. Awwh...

(Singing Debbie Gibson's Lost in your Eyes right now)

okay, stepping out of that zone, I just can't seem to understand what's going on in our country now. I mean, Hello? It's just been a week since Manny Pacquiao won, and we've stopped celebrating already? Haha, I'm being sarcastic. I mean, there's a calamity brought about by the typhoon, yet all the papers and the news would talk about are the nasty destabilization plots, coups, all stuff which obviously seem only political. And with that, I mean, it really has no big impact in our society. Well, okay, I have taken my Politics and Governance subject in college really seriously, and I know that any destabilization in our political system will have a drastic effect. But hey, people are dying! Can't you do your coups, rallies, fights, political rivalry drama some other time and focus on alleviating the condition of the poor people? Can't you government officials unite once again, like you did a week ago, in Manny Pacquiao's fight and victory. Gawd, I respect Manny Pacquiao as a boxer, I mean he's really great. but all the publicity about him, it really sucks! Why don't we talk about poventy, famine? Gosh, really, who cares if Manny Pacquiao will be having a concert with Sharon Cuneta and a movie with Regine Velasquez soon? I know I'm no political activist slash genious, I'll leave that to my cousins and relatives who wants to run governor of our province someday, thus, following the footsteps of our insane relatives. I'm more of the showbiz, entertainment section girl, but hey. I can tell when those people otherwise known as government officials are making such a fool of us naman! Ha! Please don't be too blunt in doing your dirty work. Hoy, wala namang bastusan, wag naman harap-harapan!

I'm sooo into The OC! I have downloaded episodes in advance, and even read half of the entire episode guide for Season 3!

...okay, enough of these random things. But I should really do this more often, don't you agree?

finally!

2006-07-10T16:44:00.000-07:00

Finally! we have internet connection na at home, so I can blog as long and as much as I want again! So you're gonna be partying with me on a daily basis now, huh? Just enjoy the party that is my life.

Oh well, I just hate the monitor though, I can barely understand the things I'm typing now, so excuse me for the typo errors. So, how have I been? Okay, let's try to get a little Bridget Jones-y here.

Current Career Status: Considering employment as an events assistant
Current Weight : I still want to be discreet about that, so let's just say Current Pounds Lost : I
would have an aswer to that next week.

Yeah well, I already got a call from the company I was telling you about, I would also be waiting for their call today, to know if I'm already accepted or I would have to go through another interview. I just am so ready for this, I have been anticipating this thing for more than a week now. I just still don't know what to tell to my 'rents. As I said, it's iffin hard to be a media lord's daughter. It's gonna be hard explaining to them that I have to start small and see what I really want with my life. Plus there's this company in Alabang that wants me to try out for them. If I'm considering the location and the salary, I would have to go with the Alabang thing, it's much more [practical. But I'm looking for the triple X - experience, excitement and exercise. Or should I say excuse to be with my babe more often? I know you were thinking it, but Nah, I really want to pursue this events planning biz with Jai some years from now, so I really need all the training I can get.

And also, I'm just really so sure now. I mean, I have gotten so comfortable with my life now. I do the same thing almost everyday, and I wake up at whatever time I want and do the same thing again. And I'm having such a blast with all the time that I have. I have enough time for my family, friends, service and for my babe. Do I have to mention time for myself? Got a lot of that right now! I'm not so sure if I'm ready to give up all that. And well, I have been pretty much living a sheltered life, even when I'm bumming, like now, I can still ask my mom for money, which I wouldn't be able to do once I start working. It's a scary thought, becoming independent, but financially lang naman. It's weird though, that I pictured myself doing this forever. Not bumming ha, but writing. Yet I never realized how important my time is to me when something threatens to take it away. I guess I just wanna be freelancing in writing. Maybe finish my novel, and become an entrepreneur slash party planner with Jai. But hey, did you forget that I'm Cosmogirl? And there's nothing I can't handle if I just set my mind and heart into it. I'm sure I'll also have a blast working. Watch out yuppies, here I come!

Yeah well, okay, starting work is scary, which is why I'm not really ranting if the company hasn't called again yet. I'm just making the most out of my bum life, a while ago, it was raining so hard and I just had the urge to go outside, so I did. I went to the terrace, and got myself really wet. I'm having a headache now, though...

Hey! Don't mind my ranting, I don't want party-poopers looking at my blog. Just go on with the parties that is, your lives. Ending in a high note, I'm so excited to be working as an events assistant. I'll be going and helping organize parties and all sorts of events and activities for that multinational company. I bet it's gonna be really fun. And if ever I get to like it and Kups doesn't like her customer rep job, I can always ask her to join me, and then we'll start brainstorming for our events planning biz. Hey, we're accepting clients, we're giving consultation as early as now! Be one of the coolest to get our services and make sure your party is worthy of 100% Party-People Level!

anticipating...

2006-07-04T21:22:00.000-07:00

tsk, tsk... just when I'm all set to work for this company, it's taking so long for them to call. So I'm still not employed, but savoring every minute of it. It's weird though. Inside me, there's no rush. I'm using this time to learn more things about art, designing, photography and other stuff I might need in the future. Plus I know that God has something awesome prepared for me. But everytime I talk to people, and they ask me about my plans, or if I go to the mall and I see something I really, really like, I'd want to grab any job that comes my way. Sigh! I'm keeping my fingers crossed though. I can feel the start of my fab career coming really soon. I can smell it. I'm just really itching to start work, if I get accepted in that company in Makati.

Anyways, I'm missing kups though, she's really busy now. But I know we'll have a blast once we go out again...

I'm sooo addicted with the OC! I swear I'm buying Season 3 DVD when I have money. It just keeps getting better and better. And I have never been this involved with a tv series before. Yeah, I love soaps, but my liking for The O.C. has become an obsession already! I can stay glued to the tube as long as it's that show. And I never surf channels. Of course sometimes, I have to miss it, because I have to talk with my babe on the phone. He sleeps really early so I get every chance to talk to him while he's still up. But whenever I miss the episode, I make sure I never miss it's reruns. Grabe! You should see me watch it. I'm like, being hypnotized or something. It's my thing, just like when my babe watches WWF. You can't interrupt me unless it's a matter of life and death.
Gosh, I'm even starting to worry now. What if I work so late that I can't catch The OC on tuesday nights? Of course, I'd still have to talk to my babe. Oh gosh... It is a serious issue for me. Unless I buy the DVD, I realy have to find a way in my sked for my OC Time.
I super love Seth and Summer. And Ryan and Marissa. I get so amused watching them. Yeah, I know Kups is Little Miss Vixen and I'm Cosmogirl, but I think I'm a little bit of both. I'm more Marissa when it comes to dealing with people, always seeing the bright side of everybody. Trying to survive for myself, a good girl with a little rebellious streak. And I would move mountains to be with my man. But also as a girlfriend, I think I take more of Summer. I'm super concerned and I love doing cutesy stuff together. US time is sooo important to me, I hate feeling neglected, because I make sure I never neglect my boyfriend. I hate how my man makes me laugh in the middle of an argument, but ironically, I wouldn't have it any other way.
I love it how my babe is sooo like Seth, who super pampers me, but can be so insensitive sometimes. It's annoying yet I've learned to love it, it's so endearing. He makes me smile all the time that he makes every problem seem like it's no biggie. I hate it but I'm dealing with it. That I'm starting to love it and I know that's how I like it. I love when he warms up to me whenever we have a fight. It's super weird, I know. I also love it that he's a little of Ryan. Who makes the spoiled brat in me grow up. I love that he has more important things to do than tolerate my childishness. He expects me to be responsible, just like he always is. And he is super strong and protective I feel super safe when I'm with him. His being protective goes overboard sometimes though, but I still love it. The weird thing is, I love it when Ryan fights for Marissa, but I would never let my boyfriend lift a finger to fight for me. I would never do anything that would harm my babe. I think I'm as protective of him as he is of me.
I super love the OC. Believe me now?

Okay, so I hafta leave for now. Catch yah again soon.

oh well...

2006-06-28T20:23:00.001-07:00

i'm always feeling so giddy whenever i hear stick wit you, the boy and girl version...

You're my shelter from the storm, keeping me away from harm.
You're a song with beautiful words, something that I never heard...

Oh well, something with that song makes me feel soo kilig all over!

Anyways, just dropped by to say hi!

Encountered this post in my friendster, and i really don't know what to say... Sometimes it just irritates me because girls are being so stereotyped. Like, do you really think all girls will have to beat around the bush just to get their message across? Sometimes, when I run away from you, it really means stay away from me! But then, sumtyms, this is true. So true, that I just want men to read it and know! Sigh! I guess it depends on the person, or on the guy if it applies or not... Ah basta, just read on if you want...

WHEN i RUN AWAY FROM YOU- FOLLOW ME

WHEN i POUT MY LiPS- KiSS ME

WHEN i KiCK- HUG ME TiGHT

WHEN i CALL YOU CRAZY- iM CRAZY ABOUT YOU

WHEN i AM SiLENT- iM THiNKiNG OF HOW TO SAY i LOVEYOU

WHEN i iGNORE YOU- i WANT ALL YOUR ATTENTiON

WHEN i PULL AWAY- GRAB ME BY THE WAiST & TELL MEYOU'LLNEVER LET ME GO

WHEN YOU SEE ME AT MY WORST- TELL ME iM BEAUTiFUL

WHEN i SCREAM AT YOU- TELL ME YOU LOVE ME

WHEN YOU SEE ME WALKiNG- SNEAK UP BEHiND ME, & REST URHEAD ONMY SHOULDER

iF I DONT CALL YOU- iM WAiTiNG BY THE PHONE FORYOUR CALL

WHEN iM SCARED- HOLD ME BY THE WAiST

WHEN i LOOK LiKE SOMETHiNGS THEMATTER- KiSS ME & TELL ME EVERYTHiNGWiLL BEALRiGHT

WHiLE i HOLD YOUR HANDS- PLAY WiTH MY FiNGERS

anyways, can't wait to get home and play with our new digital SLR camera. I'm so making it a hobby right now. And I still have to do some things that'll keep me in my fab shape. Weee! Ciao!

yey!

2006-06-26T00:44:00.000-07:00

Heya I'm back!

and i'm feelin sooo much better now!

I'm Cosmogirl, and I'm a toughie...but i'm also soo in touch with my softie side.

but i love having my support system around me. Guys, super thanks. You keep me sane.

and although i'm a superhero and all, it doesn't mean that everything with my life is under control, because that is sooo not the case. I'm still jobless now, but that doesn't mean that i'm bumming because I'm having such a blast making good use of my time. Hey, btw, I'm so proud of little miss vixen, she's been promoted to being a yuppie! She got a job! I'm so proud of you kups!

so anyways, I'm just so glad, my super rough week has come to an end, and I came out, still fabulous. Okay, so I know I pretty much can save my day, but there's nothing like having a beautiful, super wonderful BABE to come home to.

"You made me believe in love and not the perfect kind,
a really messed-up, beautiful twisted sunshine..."

hey watch out for more of your fave super hero. I heard we're gonna have the internet connection back at home soon... Finally! So catch me for some more of ...

oh well...

2006-06-22T21:39:00.000-07:00

OMG... just thought of doin this...
I'm in Day 4 of a really, really rough week...
Who knows about it? Just really close friends who I think can be really strong for me...

Gawd, can't do anything but try, and pretend to be strong. And Pray. Gets me through my day.

Hey, I'm Cosmogirl. I'm a toughie, and that's long been tested.

But I just can't seem to be that strong girl now...

third installment

2006-06-14T21:41:00.000-07:00

Well, this, I think, is the third installment of my rather long blog entry. It’s just so funny because things keep happening and I always want to share them with you guys, hence, I couldn’t end this entry. But hey, I think I’m finally seeing the light. So just read on, this might be the end of it (just bear with the typo errors, I swear I don’t know what to do with them!).

June 7
I walked along the streets of Makati with my homegirl Kups to look for work. Well, it was really amusing, since we set our moods for this jobhunting adventure, which we knew was gonna be exhausting, so we first chilled and feasted on Pizza Hut’s Cheesy Volcano crust (You guys gotta try it, yummy!) to energize us later on. After that, we began walking the streets, breezing through hotels to drop our resume and ask for their rates. Yeah well, since we’re gonna be having our events biz, we might as well start early on the research. After that, I met with my babe and my homegirl Tae to go to the supermarket because my mom asked me to. I went home with blisters on my feet, and swore that I’m not gonna wear those killer heels again! But was it worth it? Aside from the fact that I almost bagged two jobs that day but I didn’t accept it because my parents felt it wasn’t for me, I think it was great. I had the chance to gab away with my bestbud again, we never see the end of our catching up, and going home with my babe and my homegirl. I’d say I had a great day, if only these blisters wouldn’t stay too long, it doesn’t look so nice…

June 9
Actually, I just spent the day pigging out with Jai and Tae. Well, little miss vixen, my bestfriend Kups, went here to lend me her SLR camera. And I got so obsessed with it! I think I have this eye for things, so I’m trying to venture in another new art for me, that’s photography. We also started brainstorming for Camille’s (tae’s friend) debut. Well, what can I say? I don’t mean to brag or anything, but hey, we’re really good! Maybe perpetually watching The O.C. really helped us think of bright ideas. You know how the heroine there is the Social Chair for their high school (that’s why we could definitely relate).
So if you guys know anyone who’s gonna be celebrating her debut or 7th birthday (since it is considered the big coming of age for kids) or gonna get married, or just need help to throw a really fabulous party or event, just get in touch with me, leave a tag or something. I swear, we’re really good! (We’re super keen on the details and really dedicated) And hear this, the first client (which was supposed to be Camille but I think she backed out, because she wanted to get a condo instead of a party) gets to have our services for free! Of course, if you pass our, well, standards. (wink!)
I dunno, I just loved that day, maybe because I spent time with my homegirls. An elite circle that I call for the girls closest to my heart. My sister Kaye, my cousin Tae, and Little Miss Vixen herself, my bestfriend Kups. We just have a lot of fun together. Nonstop talking and laughing, playing around. Well, someone’s starting to become another homegirl too, Joycey. Naku, I’m starting to miss that gal.

June 10
Just watched All About Love with my homegirls, Tae, Kaye and Joycey. Of course, I enjoyed the movie, you know I have a thing for romantic flicks, especially if it’s from Star Cinema. I had a blast watching Joyce so weirded out with the whole thing. We were supposed to watch The Omen, but we talked her into watching that instead, because we have free tickets. Joycey isn’t really the kikay type like my sister (but that’s what I love about her, she’s pa-cute in her own terms, yet she fits us, in a funny way), so the whole idea of watching a cheesy tagalog flick was so strange to her.
The sad part came in the evening, when my babe and I got into a huge fight… Well… I dunno if I just heard this line from somewhere, or if I have accidentally made it myself. But when I thought things might never be okay again, I wrote:
“I just wanna fall asleep and never wake up. I’m afraid that when I do, I might never hold your hand again, and I’m scared that I could no longer smile again…”

June 11
Woke up from a really bad night, but my babe and I patched things out so the day turned out to be fine. Hehe. Actually, nothing could ever go wrong when we’re together. Gosh, I know I’m sounding so cheesy again. That night, we had dinner with Tito Nelson, Tita Bonnie and the gang at Chef de Angelo. Yumm! And then we all headed to Sitcom to have a good laugh. We had an awesome time there, even when the hosts made fun of our little “iced tea party”. They found it so unusual for a group of people to go to a comedy bar and have a good time without drinking alcohol. Well, that’s not our problem anymore. It may actually seem peculiar for them, but we’re actually getting used to it. I’m so proud of my peeps. Well, I think college will be so full of trials and temptations for them, but I know they’ll get through with it if they just stick to their convictions.

June 12
We went to Pulo for the GK Nationwide build. We were assigned to complete the profiles of the kids who’ll be going to school there next week. Not really that exhausting. But I found myself so blessed to see people working for GK. And it’s not only us who have been fortunate in life, but I saw how GK and God worked through those beneficiaries whose lives were touched by Gawad Kalinga. Before, it was us who were pulling them get out of the fit that was their lives, but now, they are actually helping each other, lifting them from their impoverished situation. It’s amazing. We also helped paint the walls of the would-be school. From boring and eyesore gray, we transformed it into sunny and bright yellow, with plants and a bamboo fence. We were so pleased with what we did, and I know God was truly pleased too. I talked to Tita Tin, because she was gonna be teaching the kids there thrice a week. So I told her that I could help while I don’t have a job yet. So there, I’m gonna be the teacher-aide, and I’m so excited. You know I love kids. The day was tiring, but it was all so worth it. I think I even got more than I deserved, because I got a sweet surprise. My babe gave me a handful of chocolates that afternoon (I told you, I take pleasure in simple, thoughtful things. It melts my heart). And that was the kiss to seal my beautiful day.

June 13
The pressure’s sinking in now, since it’s officially the start of the academic year for most schools. And I’m still bumming! Can you believe it? Just when I thought every company was waiting to gobble me up after my graduation… Well, I couldn’t say that I’m having trouble looking for work. Until today, the count for the number of job offers I’ve turned down is, (drumroll please) four. And it isn’t just because I’m being picky. I’m just being the good daughter that I am, always considering what my parents think. Well, I guess nothings ever good enough for me for them. They just think I deserve better than to settle for any job. It’s really hard being a media lord’s daughter. So to put my time to better use (and its because we have no internet at home), I’m trying to learn new skills, like photography and Adobe Photoshop and Power Director to arm myself with the things I need in order to survive in the world of media.
Anyways, I’m just gonna miss Joyce and Samboy so much. We’ve all been inseparable for the past month. I’ve gotten used to hearing from them, or seeing them most of the time. Well, it’s busy mode again for most of us. Especially for Joyce, who’s in far Espanya now… I just wish the bond we had will stay and continue to grow. Anyways, she’s also a forever girl for me. Small shirts, hehe…

June 14
I went to Makati with my mom, and we just shopped for shoes. I’m finally parking my flip-flops for now, my blistered feet (grrr…) need extra TLC. But I can’t say that I’ve been neglecting it, I dedicate three minutes to scrub them everyday. I bought two pairs of really cool granny shoes. Hehe. They’re so vintage, and they love my feet, so I’m lovin them too. I got home to find my homegirl and a new friend waiting for me, so I did my best to whip up a really delish snack for them. Okay, so I promised Kups I won’t say anything yet, because we’ve learned that anticipating sometimes turns into jinxes. So I’ll just shut my mouth with a silly smirk on my face, for I think good things are coming for my bestest pal.

Well, well, well… Isn’t my life such a party? (wink!) Things just keep on happening and I just get so overwhelmed that my life can’t get any boring at all. Okay, so you’ve come to the end of this rather long entry. But you’ll still be hearing from me of course, okay, I’ll try to update my blog one day at a time, so my entries won’t turn out to be this long. Tata for now! Watch out of my next entry!

2nd installment

2006-06-14T01:46:00.000-07:00

And this is the second installment of my rather long blog. Hey, it’s been a month! I have loads of kwento, so just, read on…

May 13, 2006 Saturday
We were supposed to go to a GK Site for our fifth day at the SHOUT house, to build a house and interact with people there, but the bad weather didn’t seem to cooperate with our plans. So while the rest of them stayed at home, I left the house to visit Chapter B’s youth camp (you gotta bear with the typo errors, Im using the laptop now, it’s a Japanese brand, and the keyboard is driving me nuts!). What I loved about their camp was how they got so independent and organized. They were always following their schedule and it seemed like they could pretty much handle it on their own. Coz what’s funny, and I know Maron will agree with me, was that when I tried to interfere with how things were going, it all started to be confusing. At first I was the only one confused, then everyone started getting confused na rin, it was crazy! Haha! Lesson learned for me. But that made me feel more at ease with the bunch. Guess they saw that even us clusterheads, can be so clueless, so we really need each others help to make these things work. Anyways, as partner and I said, it was good, feeling like visitors in our chapter’s camps. Feels good to know they can really handle it on their own (I’ll say more about this later). We had to leave during the night because we had to go back to the brothers’ SHOUT house for our Lord’s Day. Had a blast with my fellow Youth leaders. We had to hear another talk, and although I was really trying my best to listen, I was sooo sleepy. Haha! Everyone almost noticed my head bobbing up and down as I was fighting the urge to fall asleep.
I guess the highlight of the night was the washing of the feet, which was such a humbling experience for me. If I wasn’t sleepy, I bet I would’ve cried while ate Elai was washing my feet. It was very symbolic, how the leaders washed the feet and uttered a prayer for those under them. It was so humbling, when my turn came, I felt like it was Jesus who was washing my feet (even though they thought I was sleeping while my feet was being washed). It was hardcore service, it was real leadership. After that, I was just so sleepy that the next thing I cared about was going home (Yes, I finally felt it was my real home).

May 14, 2006 Sunday
It was our last SHOUT day. I felt sad and excited. Excited because I was finally going home, back to my bed, back to my family, back to my service in our cluster. But then I was also a little sad, because for the past week, I have learned to call the SHOUT house my home, and the girls my family. But it was okay, we ended the whole experience with a bang. I’m just really glad that I was able to be part of that sunny, bubbly group. I know that I had formed a bond with those sisters of mine.

May 18, 2006
While at the SHOUT house, my twenty two-year old aunt Ate Kristine, from Bacolod visited us, and also to help Tita Maggie, her sister-in-law, settle her papers that she needs in order to work abroad. I was away most of the time, so when I finally had the chance to spend time with her, I grabbed it. Remember, when my lolo died I got to know my other funny and warmhearted relatives from his side, and as I promised, I will stay connected with them. I know this was what he wanted when he was still alive, because after he got married to my lola, he spent most of his days with her family. We only got the chance to get to know his kind brothers and sisters when he died na. And I just couldn’t resist that side of the family. Ate Kristine, Tita Dors, Kuya Marvie, to name a few. They’re all so caring and hospitable and thoughtful. The typical Ilonggo. My babe’s Ilonggo, his mom is. So anyway, we went to Town with Ate Kristine. Tita Maggie didn’t wanna go out of the house while in Manila, because she said her husband was really seloso. And I found out one interesting fact. She said that the Labayens are really the jealous type. Her husband is, my lolo is, my dad? Well, let’s just say that when it comes to my mom, he’s overconfident, but he’s really possessive of his kids. Well, I couldn’t agree more, I admit I am selosa, but in a cute way at that. I guess, if there’s one thing I got from my dad, and from my grandfather, is that we are passionate with the people we love.
So anyways, we spent the day window-shopping at Town, then we moved to SM to do the real shopping. Ate Kristine went to buy pasalubong for the people back in Bacolod.
After dinner, we headed home to freshen up, and, then we were off for a night out. We went to SITCOM comedy bar. It was my first time there, and I just had a crazy time! Laughed my brains out with the gays’ naughty comments and witty antics. I just love hearing gay people talk. They are soooper witty, I can’t help but hold a soft spot for them in my heart. Kinda made me miss the Angels, a group of gays in my batch. I loved hanging out with them, watching them bicker with each other, imitation people, sigh! Missed that a lot. Anyways, Ate Kristine went back to Bacolod the next day, but I just hope she had fun naman while staying with us. She’s really sweet and I love her, even though she kinda reminds me of my boyfriend’s ex-something. Haha.

Weekends of MAY
Youth Camps! Had a blast, partner and I are just so happy for the line of camps that happened the entire weekend of May. Like what I told you earlier, we felt like welcomed visitors at Chapter B’s camp, and that’s how we like it. The following week was also the same. We also believed in their chapter, but we just saw how independent they were, and it continue to moves us and makes us believe more. During Chapter C’s camp, my old bunch went to visit and I just loved catching up with them. Together with GFF Joyce and Pau, PFF Diane slept over at my place, which was a first, considering our almost seven years of friendship. Well, it was so great. She’s gonna be so busy now, with her law school, but I’m glad that even though a lot has changed, our friendship remains. And that is how it’s gonna be. She is part of my forever.
So anyways, Chapter A’s camp, t’was such a blessing. From the past records, having ten or more participants will be good for their chapter. But no, we were so overwhelmed, with more than thirty participants showing up at the camp’s doorstep. And well, I came from this chapter so they’re very special to me. I’m just proud of how I saw everyone mature. We were faced with a lot of obstacles and harassments, but we just got through, with each other, and with God. All in all, 88 participants for these line of camps, 88 souls, not bad. Very, very good. I know He’s smiling up there. So you see, we’re really glad, partner and I. We just felt the affirmation, that our prayer was answered. We were not the prime movers of the activities anymore, we were just supporting them at the sides, and that is how we wanted it to be. Because within the year, we both will be stepping out, moving to a different level in our service, and we’re just more than happy to leave the cluster to this new set of leaders. Haha, it’s so mushy, this transition stage.

June 2, 2006
Mama’s birthday. Well, nothing much really, except that I spent the day with my family and nothing beats old-school family time. Lunch and dinners are always special, since we all have a big appetite. We went to Festival Mall, where we ate at Pizza Company. Well, being the pizza-lover that I am, I think I have tasted the best and worst of ‘em. And as the name of their resto implies, they are the authority for my fave food. The verdict? Well, A for the size, similar to Yellow Cab’s but cheaper, and A for the toppings and cheesy-stuffed crust similar to Pizza Hut’s but bigger. Two thumbs up! I’m adding them to my long list of fave restaurants. I even promised my homegirls that I’m treating them there when I get my first paycheck. And when is that gonna happen?

June 3, 2006
During the past weekends, we both got so occupied with our service, work, youth camps. I was yearning for some alone time with my babe. And boy, I’m just so glad he kept his promise. I just spent the entire day with him, watching the Eastern NBA Finals (the Pistons lost to Miami though, what a bummer) at his house, then we went to Town to watch The Benchwarmers (it was such a hit! The movie was a laugh trip), where I shared to him my inclination for Holy Kettle Corn. I’m just really very easy to please, just sharing those simple things with him makes me happy already. After the movie, we heard mass together, with his mom, and then we went to my place for my brother’s birthday bash. He left our house feeling really sleepy. But I just had a great day, all because of him.

June 4, 2006
DISCO NIGHTS! I just missed dancing so much! The last time I danced the night away was a year ago, and it was followed by a fight with my babe so that pretty much ended my disco-dancing nights. It was such a killer because I love to dance! It sets me free! And when I’m strutting my way at the dance floor, I couldn’t care less even if people are watching me. It’s so liberating. Haha, maybe because people always thought of me as the goody-type, so when I’m out partying with friends, I just show them what I’m really made of. But then, I graduated from being a girl with a double life, and what people see now is the real me. So my partying-like-Paris Hilton days are over. But I still love to dance. So imagine my thrill when partner and I came up with a disco theme for the cluster assembly. The rest of the gang was for it too, since we discovered how fun it is to dance together during the discovery camp, when Paolo taught us the PEMDAS. So we just had the place set up with cool décor (thanks to baby jorgia, you’re such an artist), put up some black lights, which had a cool effect since we were all wearing white, and just danced on to cool tunes (thanks kat, super) with maron’s slammin improvised sound system. I had such a blast, dancing the night away with my super friends, and what's more super about it is that we just had that energy to groove without the booze not like I used to. It was great, we were partying with the natural high. I was glad too because it's the first time I saw my babe dance in a disco so it was soo fun. Finally had the license to dance around him.
and of course, what made my night? (warning:mushy zone)
well, when most of them were tired and wanted to rest on the fast tunes for a little while, at, the dj went to play some slow tunes. Just when I thought no one would really dig this part of the evening, Sam teased my boyfriend to dance with me, and he gamely held my hand and led me to the dancefloor. I was ultimately kilig! I forgot the first song we danced to but the second one was Viktoria's To Be Near You. Awwwh! The moment was so sweet! It started so awkward, because we were the only couple dancing, and he was a little aloof, but eventually we had a lot of fun. I was the one teaching him some moves. Sigh! Well, that pretty much made my night (big grin on my face right now). When I got home, I texted him and thanked him for dancing with me, and he said he had been waiting for that moment to come. awwh...i just love my babe.

Well, okay... watch out na lang for part 3...

2006-06-02T00:39:00.000-07:00

Hello party people!!!

Hahaha, it’s been such a long time, missed me? I’m sure. Well, you gotta bear with your girl, this (blogging) is my fasting for the line of camps that took place for the entire weekend of the month. Anyways, hope you all had fun during the summer. Coz it is almost over!

Oh well, this is going to be one long blog entry, to make up for stories as I have promised, and I will try to remember the details for you to enjoy reading it, as much as I enjoyed every part of the experience. Let’s start with…

May 8, 2006
My first night for SHOUT. I just found out with the many times I have been invited to attend that it meant Summer House Training. Nothing really fancy. It was fun naman, our first session with Ate Candy, our full-time worker and SHOUT master, was really good. Everything was light at first, sharing our childhood dreams, things that make us kilig, where I indulged, going deeper to things about our faith. I learned that God had planned for me to attend this training, maybe because of hope. Anyways, I just like to share the story of Ate Candy, and hope that it inspires you as much as it had inspired me. Last year, she met an accident while on a mission trip, where she and another ftw, Ate Jessie was thrown out of the jeep that they were riding. Thank God for Mang Luis, the man who was living near the place when the accident happened. He saved the two and helped them get to the hospital, even sucking the blood out of Ate Candy’s mouth. Anyways, it’s just a blessing, because on that very same day, Mang Luis woke up early, looking for a way to end his life because he was so miserable with the countless problems he’s been facing. The very reason why stepped out of his hut that morning. That’s when he saw what he thought were two bags of fertilizers thrown out of the jeep. But they weren’t fertilizers, they were the two full-time workers. Who could’ve thought, noh? When he was an instrument to give them new life, they actually gave him hope to continue with his own. Luffeeet… so although I was still aloof with the people, I knew I made the right choice of coming to that place, which was gonna be our house and sanctuary for the next five days.
Ephesians 2:8
For it is by God’s grace that you have been saved through faith.

May 9, 2006
Day 2 at the SHOUT house. We started our day with a worship, take note, at five o’clock in the morning. But there’s no better way to begin your day, right? I was away for most of the day, looking for a job (but still has none while I’m writing this), but I made up to it naman during the night. My buddy, Lovee, and I was in-charge of the fun games. It was, well, as expected, fun. Then the speaker, Ate Karen, another ftw arrived so we started with our second session. She taught us a new song, Forever, which is my battle cry right now. I didn’t expect myself to be so struck with the talk, but I found myself so stunned. Because when you think you are unworthy to serve God, He will continue to use you, and while you’re being used, you’ll be healed of your guilt, your shame, your unworthiness at the same time. The best part of the night was the sharing part with my buddy, where we shared and opened up things about each other, and for the first time, I opened up to someone, what for a long time, only my God and I knew. Thanks sobra Lovee, for listening to me, understanding and not judging me. Love yah buddy. Our time made that second night. Of course, we ended with the common prayer Psalm 91, and the One Manila prayer.
1 Thessalonians 5:17-18
Pray at all times. Be thankful in all circumstances. This is what God wants from you in your life in union with Christ Jesus.

May 10, 2006
Started our day early, as usual, but there was no pressure since we would just have our KIKAY DAY! My buddy and I were in charge at the kitchen, along with Faith, Jen and Anna. Had a tough hectic day, breakfast pa lang, we were preparing na. It was a lot of fun though, had a blast showing off our “cooking skills” which only Jen had, and bonding with each other. Plus, they super loved our cooking! Pinakbet and iced tea Banaba! Haha! Washing the dishes never seemed so fun before. Aside from those chores, all we did was chill. I left the house for a while, then KIKAY DAY was on when I came back. Tita Luds from AVON came and taught us about personality development, and applying day and night makeup. Coolness! I super learned a lot and enjoyed it. After that, we were asked to put makeup on our buddies. But since my buddy already modeled for Tita Luds, I allowed her to use me na lang as her guinea pig instead. But hats off to Lovee, I think she did a great job, pretty good for a newbie. I had the best time, you know how I love makeup and kikay stuff. Then we were all set! Haha, all of us went to the SHOUT house backyard and had our pictures taken. NAGPAPACRUSH!! –new term from Ate Cands. Yihee, South C sisters, the most-sought after. *wink* I think that day reserved for bonding and pampering each other really served it’s purpose. During the night, we heard two talks. In one activity, we discovered our type of personality. There were four. What is mine? MELANCHOLIC. Surprised? I was a little (I’ll have sub-entries to discuss these things I want to share). Ate Cands was the speaker for the two talks, and I just really admired her more than I have before. I realized that she was just human like most of us, she had her share of bad experiences and sin, but she managed to rise from it all and serve God. The days that passed I got to know her better, and I look up to her more as time passes by. I learned about being a true woman of God. Someone whose beauty and brilliance never fades. We just have to unveil our faces of the masks we are wearing for our beauty and brilliance to shine through. And we’re just so blessed that God will be the one to take these masks off our beautiful faces. The rest of the night, err, morning, we broke into groups and had our femme, sisters share their experiences with one another, and God was just so great to put me in my group. Galing! I really treasure that experience for it just changed my life. We didn’t stop sharing until we realized it was already five in the morning. Haha!
2 Corinthians 3:18
All of us who is wearing no veils, then, reflect the glory of God.

May 11, 2006
Like I said, we didn’t realize we were sharing until five in the morning, so we woke the others for our worship. After that, we slept and since my buddy and I were just in charge of logistics that day, we just chilled with the others. I was around in the morning so I was able to hear the Creative Thinking session, and all the while, I couldn’t help but smile and think of my partner, who is creative all the way in planning our activities. I wished he just heard it too, but he wasn’t around that day. That afternoon naman, we heard the Stewardship talk from Ate Karen, and I just can’t help but see God’s plan for me for the rest of my year in service. He brought me there to hear those talks to affirm me, because hey, we’re on the right track, like how my partner and I has a thrust for our last year, which is to train young leaders by delegating responsibilities to them. But more than that, I think God brought me there to teach me a thing or two about humility. Yes, it’s so easy to brag about the activities my partner and I had planned and how we handled our super-solid cluster, but at the end of it all, the successes and the praises, all the glory should be God’s. Your only glory should lie with being chosen by God to take part in his magnificence...

May 12, 2006
Spent the entire day with my babe, glad to take a break from the SHOUT house-bahay routine. I'm so happy to be with him after everything that's going through... Haha, I went to accompany him to the dentist, where he was such a baby! It was a great day for me, although it's raining, it didn't dampen my spirits. I went home to the SHOUT house to find out that the brothers will be going there for our session. It was fun, although they were too noisy, we couldn't concentrate on the chick flick we were watching (although I've seen it for the nth time)...

okay, so I'll stop here for now...I'll post the others soon I promise. Tata!

time to shout!

2006-05-07T20:57:00.000-07:00

grabe, i've had a roller-coaster weekend again...

You know what, I already got a call from that company, the one where i didn't take the final interview seriously, and I dunno. I missed the call. I just saw their name on my call history list, well, I guess that's a sign.

Anyways, I'm firm in believing that my dream job will come soon. In a week's time maybe? I'm not waiting for phone calls anymore. I'm just waiting for God's Call.

And I need this week. I know I do.

Warning: Senti Zone
Remember the dream I told you about? I just grew so paranoid about my babe's safety that I didn't realize I was hurting him, and myself in the process. I can't believe I've turned out to be this person who would hold on too tightly to someone. I've always been this lax person, anything goes with me, but then I realized that indeed, I've become so different towards him. And you know what happens when you hold on too tight. You suffocate the person, you kill him...inside. And I would never want that to happen. We patched things up though, sobrang blessed ko lang na mahal ako sobra ng taong yun. But I know I need to let go of him, not in that way, pero I have to learn to entrust him to God again. I know how I want to take care of him, make sure he's always safe, but at the end of the day, all I can really do is pray, because only God can take best care of him for me... and I need to be independent of him too. Guess I just have to let things take it's course, and just pray and believe that God has my desires in mind.

Okay, so I'll be away for sometime, for the SHOUT week, the female clusterheads will all be staying in one house, to get the feel of going on a mission work raw. I'll be coming home lang to check my emails and stuff. But I'll be spending five to six nights there. I don't have any expectations for this, I just want to chill and be at peace with myself. I expect myself though to get to know the people there, this is my last year in YFC. And I want to give and be my best for it. Okay okay, I have to go pack now, and bake siguro para naman good shot. See you soon! I'll tell you about it when I come back. Tata!

mawnin!

2006-05-04T18:09:00.000-07:00

Haha-happy day!

I dunno why, I'm just praying this is gonna be a good one. Sorry if I make kwento, this might be morbid but I will get to my point.

I woke up in the middle of the night, had a bad dream. It was such a nightmare that I forced myself to wake up kasi ayoko na.
I dreamed that we were in a bar with Chen and my babe and some friends. Chen and I was waiting for our turn in the ladies room when a group of drunk mamas (yes, mama as in goons from an action movie) tried to come on to me and started harassing me, and being the feminist that I am, I gave the man a solid kick-ass slap on the face. But then, that's when the men started pulling out their knives from their pockets, and started threatening to kill us. Chen tried to stop them by acting all kissy-kissy with one guy, and I started to back down too (eewwh talaga!) But I was also making a hand signal to my boyfriend who was chatting with one of our friends while pleading for the man to get off me. I was even saying "Please po, may boyfriend ako..." When my babe finally saw that I was being harrassed, he kicked the table and started running towards me. But even in my dream, I knew that one of us will surely get hurt. Hello? Goons with daggers? So I fought my way out of the nightmare, and woke up. And prayed...

This isn't mushy, but I just found myself praying so hard for my babe's safety. Kasi being the good guy, the kuya that he is, he's always everybody's hero, and I know he will be into a lot of fights, always for what he believes is right. So I am always the prayerful girlfriend. I swear I get so scared sometimes, which adds to my being paranoid about him. But it made me so mature that I told myself that I won't do anything that will lead my boyfriend into trouble. I remember when he got into a fight because his friend asked him to text this guy because that guy was being rude to her, grabe, I was so mad at the girl!!! Big-time! Not because I'm jealous, it's because I never want him to be fighting, because I always get worried. The nerve of that girl to get my boyfriend in trouble! But he insisted that someone has to stand up to bad guys, and he'd do it for me anytime. So,are you loving my boyfriend more and more? I sure am! He might be so protective of me and of the people he loves, but I will do, will give anything to protect him. In dreams or in real life. Ako na lang, 'wag siya. However, I know that the best armor, shield is prayer.
Haha, I told you, I'm becoming more and more prayerful as time passes by.

Speaking of prayer, I promise I'll go to church today.

And I have discovered a new talent, err, skill. I can draw/sketch clothes na! As in! it's really great! You know how I loved doing that when I was a kid, and how I sketched my owned dress for my debut, but this is different because I saw some improvements, and I think my sketches kind of qualify as a fashion designer newbie. Yey! I think my forte is in bridal, evening gowns. Haha, I even finished sketching tae's gown for her debut, and well...the wedding gown and for the entourage of... well, a very special wedding. Haha.

I also want to make a career out of it, just like events planning. Which I think is great, because Jai loves party, I love weddings, so we have events. And Kups loves makeup, I love making wedding gowns, and so... more of the biz... sigh, I just pray that Kups and I get a job soon, so we can start saving for that business. We can name it, The O.C. Planners, or Cosmogirl Events, or Homegirls Inc. Haha, how'd you like that?

Anyways, I'm so excited for the 3rd season of the O.C. on ETC, haha! Cosmogirl and Little Miss Vixen are back on the game!

So, tata for now, I have to take a bath na because we're going to church, and can you believe it, we swam at Joyce's place last night, and I haven't even showered yet (I'm being mean to my hair and skin, with all the chlorine intake, plus the fact that I got so sleepy last night, maybe because of the water stuck in my head). So there, after this, I'm going to make more beautiful wedding gowns. Too bad we don't have scanner, I want to show them to you sana eh. Anyways, ciao!

weee!

2006-05-02T19:27:00.000-07:00

Haha, my prayer was answered!

Weee, I'm so kilig!

yeah okay, i was ranting just some hours ago, and then when I went down for breakfast, the phone rang, and it was my babe. He called from his office to greet me happy 16th month. Weee! I'm just so glad. I knew it. He loves me... and I super love him. Although he said he was gonna be busy tonight so we can't go out, but that's alright, he said he'll make it up na lang on Saturday.

and I'm great with that. Haha!

I'm just so happy and i feel really foolish... like, What am I thinking?

anyways, I'm still going to church later. Hehe, my day turned from depressing to really amazing!

oh well...

2006-05-02T17:32:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah, I'm back!

Had a good weekend, tae, my cousin and homegirl, is here na, so it's always so noisy here at home, we're always talking about her boys (yep, the nerves of this girl, haha!), her true love, and just funny things we can't help but laugh about. I'm so glad she's gonna be living here from now on, coz she'll be studying college here in manila. I'm so excited for her! And I know we're gonna spend a lot of time, me, her and kaye and some of our friends, together, just hanging around, and I bet it's gonna be fun. Just a few reasons to make me smile :)

The discovery camp was very successful. (Read edz, joyce and kaye's blog for more kwento about it) I'm very happy because a lot, if not all of them were really touched, and they found the theme (YFC Big Brother) cool. Just reading their stories make me smile. I also chatted with some peeps who attended, and they said they were really touched. In fact, the place was flooding with tears (including me, my sharing part later) during the commitment part. All the hardwork and preparations paid off. This is a shout-out to my co-service team who made this possible: Good work guys! Kuya Pau, Ate Charms, Ate Cai, Partner, Koks, titos and titas, ang luffeet talaga! Of course, all for the glory of God, who is our Big Brother, and who was the prime mover of all these things, we are merely His instruments. It's a great way to kickoff our cluster's activities for the summer. Camp and praisefests in store for the following weekends of May and June. I'll be very busy, and that helps ease my anxiety about my future. Anyways, I'm still holding on, with the dream job? Maybe... With God's plan for my career, definitely!

Okay, yes, I got into mushy mode during the fourth talk and shared about my lovelife. How my prayers and God centered my relationship with my babe. And as I told Jo last night, I really didn't know what got into me, the moment I started with my sharing, tear flowed. Haay naku... anyways, it really felt good to share that part of my life with them, hope I inspired them to wait and pray for their lovelives too. Anyways, the funny part is, when my sharing ended, my boyfriend came up to me and hugged me really tight. Awwh... it was the best feeling ever. After that, the night's culminating activity was prom-ish, because the boys were to give a token to the girls (a necklace with a heart pendant, which I made, ehem! =P) and ask them to dance. Of course, my babe gave the necklace to me, and we slow-danced, under the stars. It's a first, and I'm sooo kilig. I know they could see through me that I was really happy. Then the next day, during the commitment part, babe and I talked about something, and what he promised me really made me cry. Awwh... and it's something I will never forget, and something that I will always come back to, when sad moments come our way.

Moments like, i dunno...this?

Well, maybe I'm just being a brat, because it's May 3. You figure that out. I guess I'm just missing those times when I get flowers, or surprises every third of the month. And when we make it a point to celebrate it, even in little ways, even without money. He greeted me naman a while ago and yeah, it's the thought that counts, but is the thought really there? Or he just said it because he knows that I want him to? Quoting ate cai, "Mahal mo pa ba talaga ko tulad ng dati?" or like what Samboy said in his sharing, that men tend to become so complacent, when they know that their girlfriends love them very much, is it like that? Haay, why did I even share it here, eh it's too late to erase it. Anyways, like I said a while ago, our moment during the commitment part, I knew it was real, more than what I'm feeling right now, I know that what he said to me is the real thing, and I'm just gonna have to hold on to that. And like what ate cai said in her blog, what's important is that we still care for each other and we still love each other, with or without the sweetness.

Okay, this post is getting too long again, til next time na lang, i really hate to end this one in a sad note, but like I testified, prayers are my armours to these unworthy feelings. I'm going to church later, like we used to do on our monthsary. I know after I do, I'll feel better. So tata for now, watch out for my next kwento.

well, well, well...

2006-04-22T19:05:00.000-07:00

And I'm back on the game!

Well, I dunno what exactly hit me, guess I just had consecutive good days.
Still thinking about my future, but I try hard not to procrastinate and worry about it.

I haD the best time yesterday. Just spent time with my boyfriend, first at his house, then we went to the mall, then hung out at my place. I just really missed him for the past week! I'm glad he spent quality time with me. And you know (ok, the warning:mushy zone is on) whenever we're together, and we're just laughing, playing around, talking about anything, whether it's as shallow as what movie we're gonna watch, or as important as our future, it's the best feeling in the world, sharing every thing with him. When we got home, I gave him a foot spa and pedicure (i love pampering my loved ones) while we try to beat the high scores at text twist. It's a lotta fun...

The other day, i had a blast too! Little miss vixen, my bestfriend kups, went here. For what? Well, we had that headstart I was talking about. Regarding our events planning biz we want to have two years from now. It's kinda cool actually, how we plan about it, we browsed some wedding magazines to give us a picture of how it's gonna work. We even plan to collate some of the clippings of great wedding and party ideas we have got... Wow, I'm so excited about it. But of course, I need to get a job first, and I'm also excited about that! I still want my dream job, or any job that I like and where I'll have fun and make my loved ones proud. Well, this events biz is something I pictured on the sides for two years or so, and then eventually, what I'll be doing when I'm a full-time mom, so that's... a lot of years from now. But anyways, I surely had a blast in planning it, and I know the conceptualization will take really long, but when it happens, I know we'll be having one great party.

But hey, consultation starts now. So if you've any concerns about a party or an event, Cosmogirl and Little Miss Vixen are here to the rescue!

tata for now, I have to help my mom out in the kitchen... We're making mac and cheese, and I'm baking brownies, my forte. yum!

whattaweirdday...

2006-04-20T04:32:00.000-07:00

AngLaboNgArawNaToh...

Haay... I am never a pessimist...

I just found it so weird how this day went...

I left home early to come on time for my global exam in this multinational company. I lost my way more than 4 times, rode the jeepney three times and got off to find out I'm still so far from where I was heading.
Took the test, arriving just in time. Seated in front so I could have no hassles, got the chance to pick out the best calculator they lend to the examiners, but ended up with one with a broken screen. Surprisingly, the test was easier than I had expected, but there it was timed. So I crammed. I think I did okay, but ironically, I didn't pass. But I'm not depressed.
But when I got home, I glued myself to the pc to look for work. I dunno what hit me, I guess it's waiting for this company to call, and it's been too long and they still haven't and maybe they won't. So now I'm feeling like, I'm holding on when I should just let it go and look for other job opportunities. And it seemed like among other people, I'm the most likely to have a job, but ending up having a hard time to get one.
And when I started out I thought there were a lot of companies waiting to swallow me up, now it feels like there is none...
Now, I'm stuck home feeling weird, because my mom's mad because I didn't make her coffee, and I'm just too pissed at myself to make suyo. It's just too shallow. Ask me to make you anything, but not coffee. Well, I should have at least tried noh? I don't know...
Labo! Si Lord talaga, nagbiro na naman!
But as sad as this post may get, ironically, I have good news. My boyfriend's not going to Japan! well, at least not for now... So we'll be spending more time together. Turns out that's the only good news I have for now, but I'm glad, and it made my day :) You can hurl anything at me, I'm not gonna bite. Even though there's a whirlwind going around my mind right now, I don't now what to do after this, but just thinking about the best news I've got today, brings me back to my peace.

Pray for me, it's such a weird day... Feels like I'm turning into a good for nothing fat monster. I hope it's just PMS.

oh well...

2006-04-19T17:06:00.000-07:00

As i promised, how'd you find the davao pics?

Darn it, I was also about to post my Tagaytay trip, but when I was almost finished, whoosh! Nothing came out, and i didn't save it. So there, I was so pissed I didn't try again. That's 20 pictures! I can't believe myself... So just hang on, I might still post it when the mood strikes back again.

Had fun yesterday, with my peeps at town center. PFF reunited. It was just fun to see my fave friends again, aside from Boks and Diale, I saw Aboy too! It's just comforting to realize there are true friends all around you. I really missed hanging out with them.

We hung out at Joyce's place, the bunch played Poker, I just hung out and talked with diale. About our future, work... well, we are getting older indeed.

And then I called my babe at home, it was crazy at first, then I found out that he was in a bad mood because his company's sending him to Japan for three months. It didn't end well, good thing I had the chance to drop by his house, and the moment we saw each other, all anger disappeared. He just wrapped his arms around me and asked my opinion about him going to Japan. I told him I didn't want to, but if that's what's best for him, then he should go. I left him undecided. At least we stopped fighting, but I still feel bad for him, he didn't wanna leave because going to Japan for three months meant being away from his family, and not being able to serve in our community.

And of course, it's just that I'm gonna miss him. Yes, I know we have talked about it, we knew it was gonna come sooner or later. We have been prepped for this. That's the setup in his company, because their field is really based in Japan. And I know I can wait. I have waited since forever to find my true love, what is three months to see him again? It's just that, a week that I don't see him, I already miss him, what more in three months?

But well, we're praying for it. I know the Lord will guide him in making his decisions. I support him all the way.

I just hope I also get a job soon, to put my mind on other things. I have an exam in a big company later, I didn't review. But I guess it just meant that if I passed, maybe it's worth a shot. Anyways, I don't kknow if I shoud hold on to that dream company. Not calling yet. Well, I guess one hand's holding on, while the other's busy with a lot of things.

the long awaited davao post

2006-04-17T21:57:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I promised to tell you about Davao, here it is. I reckoned I'd just tell you about it through these pictures. Enjoy!

the entire cast... oh, koko's not in the pic, and tita mae. This is at the airport.

roomies. me, kaye and jorgia. And I could tell it's David's hand.

caught up with the red bull team at the airport. titos and tita with coach yeng guiao. We're the Lucky Ones, eh? (it's an inside joke, you don't have to get it)

huh! taksil! posing with enrico? I hated this person when he was still playing for Ateneo.

ready to board, watch out Davao!

me and my babe with partner. Pose muna before flying.

David asked us to act like we were fighting, haha, for a photo lang. Convincing ba?

I super love this pic, but not as much as I love the one in it.

Adventures in Davao!

Grabe! I had to stand up for the pic, I was soo full with the eat-all-you-can!

on our first night at the conference. Had a blast with the worship, the talks, and everything else. The rain didn't for one second, dampen our spirits for hearing God.

on a yfc night with my GG (God's gift). happiness. 'nuff said.

Leisure time the next day. Hit the BEACH!

happy, beautiful people in the boat. Getting ready for Paradise Island!

girls on board. Huh, we didn't know the beach was gonna be so great, we didn't bring our swimsuits tuloy...

hottie on board. Yihee. Macho ng boyfriend ko noh? koks in his usual pa-hunk pose.

PARADISE ISLAND

Can you see the fishes in the water?

THIS IS PARADISE. We wish to be back here in the near future. Still together of course.

check out the sand. Astig noh? David, so ready to swim!

can you see the surf board we're all trying to fit into? haha, boys all wet, girls just walking along the shore

isn't the beach wonderful? I really wish I brought my swimsuit. Koks in the background.

the boys of summer. Naks! Inggit talaga ko, I swear I'm going back to that island.

roomies on a break. "Durian Delivery! Sa Room 308 ng Galleria ba ito? =P"

feeling hawaiian. With flowers on their ears and pineapple on my hands.

a field trip to Paradise Island's zoo.

the girls with the ostrich as background. Tall. Giraffe ka ba? hihi.

all-smiles. Wacky pose huh? Really full of ENERGY.

dinner time during our 2nd night at the conference. Just fooling around. It rained again, but we couldn't care less.

We had a blast listening to the talks but when it got late we all went for a little nap, yes, on the ground! We slept in our makeshift blanket (carton) while star-gazing. We woke at the sound of a really great band from Camiguin (shame, i didn't catch their name, but they were really good). At 3 o'clock in the morning, we heard mass.

After the conference, we went back to the hotel to pack our things. Some slept, I didn't because I was expecting my uncle to come for us. So there, we had brunch with one of our fave uncles, Kuya Marvie and his girlfriend Ate Bam. It was nice catching up.
Then, we headed home.

Don't you love these? I wished we bought them, but this is just me, koks and kaye having our picture taken at a souvenir shop.

homegirls with tito bong. There were only four of us, with koks on the plane home, but hey, we managed. We even found a way to have fun at the airport while waiting for our flight, which was an hour delayed.

And that was the end of our Davao trip. Told you it was loads of fun. Looking forward to Bohol next year.

About the good news, well, I am the good news. We are the good news. the good news is that the Lord is alive and He will change the world for us. But We will be an instrument of this change.

It was very comforting to realize that. I can't help but procrastinate at times, but when you get down to the bottom of things, you really don't need to worry. All you need is to hold on to Him. He'll never let you fall. Regarding my dream job, well, it's not calling yet. But as I said, i'm taking everything in stride. I surrender evrything to Him. Not my will, but His.

So much for this blog, watch out for another long entry with pics.

try lang

2006-04-17T20:52:00.000-07:00

hey I forgot to tell you, before I get started with my serious (ows) entries,

that I finished reading book six of Harry Potter. It was... i dunno, no words could ever explain my HP experience, JK (naks, close kami ng author) always renders me speechless. Well, it was exhilarating!
Even though Bokoy ruined all the excitement, the moment he handed me the book he told me that Dumbledore will die and Snape is the half-blood prince (well, you already know that, don't you?), finding out how Dumby died and how Snape killed him was worth all the days spent reading it. It just sucks that Harry broke up with Ginny in the end , but it's all for her sake (wow, I sound so fanatic here). I just hope they get back together on the last installment though.

so there, hafta start uploading the pics now... in a while.

and back again

2006-04-17T20:31:00.000-07:00

Hello there! Soo glad to be back!
I'm home, finally!

Owkei, so I owe you lots of kwento like I promised. I just got the cd of the davao pics from tito bong, but I haven't got the chance to post it here before we left for bicol. I'll be posting them in a different entry in a little while.

I'll also post about my tagaytay road trip with my high skul barkada. That was a lot of fun.

AARRRGGH!
I super miss my friends, yfc and my boyfriend. I super want to see them all today, but I dun have any money, and my babe's working and he's gonna be playing basketball after. Maybe I ought to watch his game na lang if ever...or not...

I promised I'll get a headstart with researching the events business jai and i will be putting up, so maybe I'll use the time later to start on that scrapbook.

Anyways, (you missed that didn't you?) about the good news I have for you, nope, it's not about work, still counting on that call from my dream company, yet I siad to myself I'd take everything in stride from now on... Well, I'll include that kwento in my davao entry.

Watch out! Cosmogirl is sooo back!

Wee! I'm back!

2006-04-09T18:28:00.000-07:00

Heya! I'm back! Missed blogging, a little.

Davao was great.

Ok, so I promised you more than that one-liner, but I'm still a little exhausted from the trip eh, I have a lot of kwento, but I'll save it for later. Besides, I'm still waiting for Tito Bong and Maron to send me the pictures or put it in our yahoogroups so I can show them here, but well, we're all in resting mode yet.

For teasers, let me just tell you that I got good news and I had a lot of fun.Ü

Later... My hands are itching to get started with planning the events business kups and I will be starting a year from now. Wee!

On-leave :)

2006-04-06T09:19:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm going to Davao tomorrow (or technically today) for the YFC International Leaders Conference. So I'm not gonna be blogging for three days. Oh well, I hope that when I come back, I'll have good news from my dream company, and well, that I get new tags on my blog. :)

Of course, I'm not gonna leave you without any stories. Well, I have finally sent the email to my boss to say that I'm not accepting the job. My dad was disappointed, he isn't speaking to me and I'm leaving for the weekend. I just have to do it for myself. I can't force myself to do something I'm not happy with. Ryt? It's not like I'm throwing away my future. I know I'll have a job soon, something that will fit me. And where I'll be happy. It sucks that my relatives aren't too happy about my decision, news spreads fast, and they're all telling me not to quit the job, but again, I have to. They're thinking I'm insane, but I know with myself that I should be true to myself if I wanted to keep my sanity. Anyways, after this whole trip and vacay, I'm gonna be out there to prove them that I made the right choice and I will still be successful and they will be so proud of me.

I went to town a while ago with my sister. And with one of my bestfriend diale. It's cute because we're chums and so are our sisters. We all go out together, and it's a lot of fun! I love hearing stories from diale and pau, just watching them bicker and imitate people we know, it's hilarious! We didn't even realize it was late and we had to go home to pack. Anyways, Kat and David joined us too, and more fun of course. I love hanging out at town center with those guys. And it was nice catching up with them. Hehe, we even saw Bianca Gonzales, and all of us wanted to follow her, but of course, it would be a little embarrassing.

Anyways, I never had so much fun thinking about my future career! The other day, I was with Kups, my best friend and Kaye at town center. We just window-shopped, ate at Shakey's and hung out at Powerbooks. It was really fun and comforting, with all the people hating my decision and with all the pressure, it's actually sweet to find your homegirls cheering for you, supporting you with what you believe is right, reassuring you that you're not making a stupid mistake. I super love those girls. I just wished tae was here na to join us. But still, I had fun, Jai and I promised to look for jobs together. We even came up with a brilliant idea. To be bosses of our own company two years from now. We want to come up with an events planning group. I'm so fascinated with weddings, and she's ultimate party girl. We love happenings and celebrations. We always have this feeling that we're so great at organizing things. So we just decided, let's go for it kups. We have background, we can pull that off. We were always asked to be emcees at debuts, and most of the time, we make the programme ourselves. We're so excited about it. We'll have our first try at Kaye's debut. Hehe. We just have to save up for now. That, and my dream to marry my babe, is what's driving me now. We're planning to attend seminars about wedding planning and make-up to learn more about it.

Well, I have to go sleep now. Flight's early tomorrow. Pray for us ha. I'll be back soon for more kuwento, hopefully, I will have good news for you when I get back.

so confused..

2006-04-04T18:44:00.000-07:00

I'm super confused right now. I have been offered a job at a great company. BUT I am thinking about declining it.
My parents are disappointed now, lalo na my dad who helped me get in at that company. In a way, they have a point. It's the largest network in the country, and people, mass media graduates my age would do anything to have that job. And here I am putting it in the dumps.

It's just that, I know myself. I know I wouldn't be able to commit super long hours of work (read:editing til morning and weekends and holidays) to write about something that doesn't quite interest me. Aside from that, I can take the work, but not the aftermath. I would like to picture happy, beautiful faces in my sleep, not the faces and bodies of corpses haunting me.

I have to quit while I still can. I'm never the type to decline people, you know. But I have to do it now, because I don't want to get their hopes up and then quit in the middle of work and eventually leave them hanging.

My whole family thinks I'm crazy, my brothers think I'm letting a great opportunity pass and worse, my dad thinks I'm just getting lazy to work considering that I'm going to Davao for the weekend for the YFC International Leader's Conference. But believe me, that's not it. If I love the job, I would be there all the time. Which leads me...

It's only my sister who can understand me now. She tells them that I did the right thing. She agrees with me na sayang naman if I force myself into it when I know I'm not gonna be happy with it. We really think alike. Or maybe she just wants me to get the editorial assistant job at our fave magazine. But I asked her, what if I don't get in at Candy? Sabi naman niya, it's ok raw, basta wag na dun sa ngayon, other opportunities will come. So there.

And yeah I guess, I'm still clinging to my dream company, the name I mentioned earlier. I didn't want to accept the job with the network, because I really hope they'll call me. I don't want to give up my lifelong dream for a job that I'm not even happy about.

Haay...I'm really confused. What do you guys think?

after the storm.

2006-04-02T18:11:00.000-07:00

haay...today's our monthsary. 1 year and 3 months. The weekend was kinda crazy for us actually, I seriously thought we wouldn't be celebratin today anymore. But hey, LOVE. It's real powerful y'know.
That's why be happy for us! We survived another storm! Thank you Lord!

and then another. I went to the ILC Sendoff yesterday, I was really empowered. It's just that I was really down the night before nga because of our fight, but the Lord just spoke to us, and He just told us to surrender our relationship to Him, put Him in the center of our lives, and then everything will just fall into place. And it did. I know he loves me, I l0ve him. That's what's important. And we put whatever we have, the love we share between us, all in God's hands. 'Nuff said.
I was praying yesterday, and thoughts about work entered my mind. I was procrastinating again. But then I just lifted everything to God. I'm leaving it all up to him. Whatever career he wants me to get into, I know it's all part of His will. I believe that He didn't put me here, He didn't give me this much blessings just so I could enjoy my life. I know He has greater plans for me. He has blessed me this much so I could share it to others. So I could be an instrument of proclaiming His love to more people. I just know it. He gave me this talent so I could reach more people, tell more people about His magnificence. And I trust that He will put me in a career that will make these plans come true. I know that His dreams for me is a lot bigger than what I'm picturing in my mind right now. So I'm just waiting for the time when the Lord will strike and will leave me in much greater awe. LUFEEET!

Watched the coverage of Claudine's wedding last night, and it was, as my sister put it, "Lahat ng gusto ko sa isang wedding, andun na." The exchange of vows almost made me cry. Ah, the wonder that is LOVE. And I was off to daydreaming again. I slept picturing my own wedding in my mind. Haaay... I will wait for the day, when my babe and I will express our love before the Lord and before our loved ones. Oh gosh, sorry again for the excessive mush.

Hey, I'm so excited for the summer. We're going to Divisoria now to buy shirts for our family reunion. Yes, we have reunion shirts, it's a once a year thing so it's the most anticipated event of the year (more important than new year now, noh kaye?) so there are a lot of preparations and kind of big-time talaga. Aside from that, mama promised to give us what's left of the Landmark p.o., so my homegirl and I has a lot of shopping to do. Cute espadrilles, more spag-strapped tanks, waxing kit (can't get enough of these hair-removing products, can't find something that's perfect for me) and a lot more! So have to go and eat breakfast.

Comment and tag if you like, i truly appreciate it!

2006-03-31T16:38:00.000-08:00

wow, so early in the morning...

anyways, wow, tonight's the big night. So you bet, i'm gonna stay at home. Hehe.

had fun last nyt with my berks, I know it was the oddest place, we were in the wake of ecka's dad. But we haven't seen each other for quite a while, so it was expected.
At least we made ecka forget her worries, even for a short time. Of course, BERKS yun eh, only the wackiest people around! Sayang nga lang wala sila nina, zheegie at wena.
Anyways, I know ecka. She's a toughie. Kaya niya yun... Alam naman niya na God knows what's best. Plus her berks are just here to back her up.
and then there's ate levs. She's also goin through a tough stage right now. Daddy's girl kasi yun eh, anyways, we'll be praying for her dad's recovery. Nakaka-down talaga mejo, because her dad is like, one of the coolest. Levy tells him everything. And he's super nice to the berks too.

Well, it's too early to turn into senti cams for now, if there's one person in our group who's blooming these days (aside from me, of course, and wena, wh0's always blooming even without a lovelife), it's Irene! Well, what can I say? FINALLY!

It's just that I never thought I'll see the day that we won't be worrying about R anymore. I really almost believed that she will love no one but him for the rest of her life. If I could comment on her lovelife with that guy, I'd say it would be a cute story to tell the kids, but it's getting a little too overrated, and complicated. So there. Finally, he's out of the picture (as of now). And I'm rootin on this new guy for her. Aside from the fact that he knows how to do magic, is really friendly and easy to get along with, he makes her smile. Which is the most important thing for me. Because it's just useless to hold on to someone who's so far away, and has left nothing for you but tears. This new guy for her, they really match. They're so cute together. I was solid for the old guy before, but this one, I like him better for my dear Arinef. Of course, I know better now than to say that she has finally found someone who will only make her happy, so I will just say that, at least that someone will be there when she cries. I just really wish that he stays, long enough for Irene to tell him how she feels. Naku Arinef! Na-broadcast ko na luvlyf mo, churii... Anyways, bilisan mo na ha. And stay happy. That's what's important.

okay now, I have to go. It's a Saturday morning, my time with my babe. So I have to get there soon.

Primetime

2006-03-30T18:03:00.000-08:00

haha, how'd you like my new skin?

It's more cosmogirl don't yah think? i've been trying to put music to my blog so you can just chill while reading this stuff, but I can't get it to work...
anyways, i promised myself my blogs are gonna be shorter this time.

So there, I have been praying continuously to get a call from my dream company... or the next company. But none so far. Bahala na, I'll just chill in here, and leave it to God's will. At least, I've finished proofreading my thesis, it has reached it's perfect mode. Snaps for me.

Being a bum is making me soo emotional lately. I watched American Pie: Band Camp on DVD with my sibs yesterday, and there is a part that was sooo kilig! I super loved it! Dyahe nga because I didn't want them to notice that I was shedding tears. Hihi.

and more tv...
watched Princess Lulu, and there was a line there that again, made me so emotional. "Kala ko dati, puro kasiyahan lang ang love. Pero hindi pala. Kailangan mo rin maghirap at masaktan." wow, I found myself agreeing to that. Before I was like this princess who was so idealistic, who didn't know about real love. I was so naive, I thought that when I find true love, it will be perfect and I will be completely happy. But I was wrong. Loving entails sacrifice. But how do you know that it's true love? When you're not always happy when you're with the person, sometimes you cry more, but you still choose to be with him...

drama naman nun... Inspiring na lang. Well, I just loved MMK last night, it was about a drug addict turned taong grasa who was reformed and is now a successful man with a happy family. Galing noh? And it sent me thinking, if people like him was forgiven and was given a new life, what more for us, who's not as sinful? I guess we just have to be humble enough to admit our sinfulness and just ask for forgiveness.

ok, so that's it for now, it's Kyona's checkup today. I love that baby so much. I call her pretty girl. She is growing up to be one, of course like her ate/tita. Catch yah soon.

just testing...

2006-03-30T02:11:00.000-08:00

sorry for the inconvenience, I'm still updating the look of my blog, so that's what's keeping me busy as of now. But i like it na naman, it's more personal than before don't yah think? Love it.
I'm gonna write soon, just watch out.

Good website!

2006-03-28T17:59:00.000-08:00

Nothing much, halata bang wala akong magawa? Well, just wanted to visit unbandictionary.com, one of my fave website, because of the slick words I learn. They are so cute!

I'm gonna post some of my favorites, and see if you can use them in your vocabulary ;)

girlfriend voice
The change in pitch or tone of a man's voice when talking to their significant other. The girlfriend voice is characterized by a higher pitch and a more effeminate tone with speech patterns scattered with pet names and childish words.

Hallmark Day
A nickname for Valentine's day, referring to the over-commercialism.

luvenny
an expression of love to that special someone

Boo
pet name: your hunny,sweety,baby.

Liarholic
A person who compulsively lies about anything regardless the significant of the topic an addition to fabricating stories.

foodie
A person that spends a keen amount of attention and energy on knowing the ingredients of food, the proper preparation of food, and finds great enjoyment in top-notch ingredients and exemplary preparation.

fit
EXTREMELY good looking, sexy, nice bod, can be for men or women, pretty, hot.

...well, that's it for now muna, hafta take care of Kyona, the baby's bugging me. I'll post more every once in a while. Hope you loved them.

My Loves!

2006-03-28T16:08:00.000-08:00

wahaha, this is really shallow. I just want to post the stuff I love. I don't get to post them somewhere eh, so here na lang. So this is in no particular order, random lang.

I LOVE...

Taro ice shakes from Quickly

Boxing at Elorde

Preppy clothes

Alabang Town Center

Hanging out at Powerbooks

Belgian Fries and Buffalo wings

Chicken Fingers and Ceasar salad

Logging on to candymag/teentalk

Reading magazines

Catching up with friends

Getting ready for the beach

Taking care of pretty girl Kyona

Browsing recipe books

Cooking and baking

Shopping

Window-shopping

Spending time with loved ones

DAYDREAMING

BLOGGING

True Beach Babe - lovely firsts

2006-03-27T02:12:00.000-08:00

Hayyy... I wish I could attach pictures to this page, but then again, got no camera. And I'm using my dad's mac now, so I can't post any pictures, got none to post anyways.

Anyways (mahilig ako sa anyways), I had a looong day yesterday, went to Batangas with my babe's family. It was fun. We left Manila at around five forty-five, we got lost along the way, but no worries, i was seated in front with my boyfriend and his brother, hence i was helping kuya look for the place, because as I found out, my babe is not so great in following instructions, or at least, we're not at the same wavelength. The place was really kinda far, so we arrived at Eagle Point Resort at around 9.

The place was good, upon getting their we were welcomed with drinks. Kewl. We settled into our cottage, there were some awkward moments of course, which I shall not disclose here, they are my personal issues and are rather shallow. We were all excited to explore the place so after changing into our swim clothes (haha,my babe had no choice but to allow me to wear my super cute swimsuit! his family teased him of being too conservative). We went for a swim at the pool, but we didn't really stay long. His brother was itching to go snorkeling, and I dreaded the thought of it, because honestly, I'm a beach lover-poser. I always say that I love going to the beach, but all I really do there is to get a tan, go body-watching, and walk along the shores, collecting seashells. I guess I loved the sand, I loved the beach, but had fear of the ocean.

So snorkeling time came, the gadgets or whatever you want to call it, were so expensive to rent. I thought I could escape it, but we rented anyways. I was contented in watching my babe and his brother go snorkeling, but my guy insisted that I try it. And I thought to myself, I'm with a guy who plays any sport imaginable, and is always in for adventures, what made me think that I could get away from these things forever? Not that he was forcing me to do it, but I kinda wanted to do it because he likes doing it, and I wanna learn the things he enjoys doing. Besides, I'm there na eh. How can I pass up an opportunity like that? I also wanted to put an end to the poser stage and really immerse myself to all things BEACH.

And so, after some time watching them from the rocky shore, and more time hesitating, I decided to try it. And boy I'm so glad I did.

The water was clear enough to see fishes without the goggles, but indeed, the view was a lot better UNDER THE SEA. Think Little Mermaid, think Marina. It was great. Lots of little fishes, corals and stinging jellyfish. My babe even told me that it's nothing compared to what I will see when I go further. But I'm good with what I saw. It was something really new for me. Call it breathtaking. Water entered my ears and nose, a dikya (jellyfish, first time I encountered such organism) bit me, but it was all worth it. Babe and I promised we'd do it again next summer. This time I'm less scared and we would have all the equipment.

We rode a banca to get to the resort's beach spot. And it was a rather uneasy thirty-minute ride. Not that anyone was making me feel uneasy. It was my first time to ride a boat. I already experienced island-hopping, but we were riding a speedboat then. So I didn't feel the waves. This one, you bet I felt it. We reached Sepoc Beach Spot just in time for lunch. We had a hearty meal, course it was little awkward again. It's actually my first time to go on a trip with my boyfriend's family, so you can just imagine how conscious I was. I'm always like this naman at the start eh.

The beach was nice, not so crowded and not so empty either. There were a couple of duyans to "chill" in, and some benches for sunbathing. The sand was good, some rocky parts, but I couldn't care less. After lunch, babe and I spent some time together, we tried to explore the place, the adventurer in him went to look for a cave to enter, but he was disappointed. I tried to gather seashells, but I realized I didn't bring any container with me so it wouldn't make any sense. It was really sweet though, my babe knew that I'm fond of collecting seashells ( i gave him a bottle full of them once, when I came from Calatagan), so he was looking for some too. So anyways, we spent some time lying beside the shade (it was one o'clock in the afternoon, a little too hot to sunbathe, really) just to admire the great view.

After that, he went snorkeling again with his brother, and I had some kwento time with his bro's girlfriend. Their story is actually a cute one, they've been together for a long time na rin, they have a cute lil boy na nga eh. Haha, it was a good conversation. I realized that what my babe said about being masungit in their family's blood was kinda true. So we were talking about our boyfriends when they suddenly interrupted us. Now it was our turn to go snorkeling. But she wasn't ready yet.

WARNING: MUSHY ZONE

Anyways, I got back to the shore and my babe instructed me to wear the (finally, the word slipped out from the tip of my tongue) snorkeling gear. He said we were going for a dive. I was a little hesitant at first, but hey, quality time with my man under the sea, count me in! So we went snorkeling, and that experience I will never ever forget! My first time exploring underwater was with the person I love. Yihee, told you this is mush in a different level. It was the greatest (note: while the writer is typing, she momentarily pauses to savor that wonderful experience) trip ever. I have expected to learn and experience a lot new things with him, but I never expected it to be this great. We were underwater, he was holding my hand as we were swimming, we were pointing to each other the interesting creatures that we're seeing. Haaayy... it was more breathtaking than the first try. Underwater, he led me to a place, and since we couldn't talk, he was making a signal of a heart. I wondered what it was until he pointed a large coral shaped like a heart. It was the sweetest thing. I loved it, I didn't even realize that we were sooo far from the shore na! It's the best thing in the world.

After snorkeling, we just hung out, swam for a while and sunbathe, and then we packed our things to get ready to leave Sepoc. The boat ride going back to Eagle point was more nerve-wracking than the first one. The waves were really crazy!! My heart was sinking na, I was so nervous. I was praying quietly nga eh. The cute thing that happened there lang is that my babe's mom, I dunno if she was also getting nervous with the waves, or she sensed that I am, held my hand during that trip. It was really sweet and endearing. Anyways, I'm so glad we got back safe.

Lots of firsts in this entry, sorry I didn't imagine this would be really long. But anyways, I'm just happy that I have experienced those firsts with my babe. I don't regret anything at all, even when I almost died panicking at the boat ride. I'm just glad I'm not a poser anymore.

That was a great way to kickoff summer. I'm so getting ready for more beach trips. This time, I'm not just a poser, but a true-blue beach babe. You bet I'm gonna try surfing as soon as I get the chance. ;)

Career-wise...

2006-03-24T02:17:00.000-08:00

First of all, I really hope people are reading my blog because I'm kind of putting my heart into it as of the moment. I really am trying to be as level-headed and mature as I can be so reading this blog will be worth your while.

For those who are already reading it, aside from me, well, let me just say thanks, indulge, and

"Let me entertain you"
i hope you find my rather plain, exciting life entertaining.

Anyways, indeed, it's haunting me now. Almost a month ago, I conducted a seminar in Sports writing to a class of communications arts majors, talk about authourity with the subject, huh? It was great though, I managed to write a speech so it was organized and I was applauded at the end of it. The open forum came after and one girl asked me, because it seemed that I really had the passion for writing, she asked me, now that I'm looking for a job, will I give up journalism for any other career? And candidly, or not candidly, this is what I told her:

"As of now, I'm not ready to give up on my dream just yet. Writing is my passion and I want to further pursue it as a career. Right now, I want to be a journalist. Believe me it's so hard to get in that line of job. There are a lot of openings in marketing, call centers, but I don't want to give up just yet. I don't want to be a sellout, and that's what I wanna do for my life."

Said like a true-blue La Sallian, don't you think? I was so proud of myself after saying that. If only someone had videotaped that, I would've ran for a copy.

And it's haunting me now. Because I have just finished my final interview at a big company, as a part of communications staff. It's not that I don't like the job there, I'm actually considering it. Because I'd still get to be a journalist (semi nga lang). I'm not lying when I tell you that the job is rather interesting, it's in the Human Resources department. I really considered getting the job, of course, if they'll be willing to offer me a hefty starting salary.

But whenever people ask me, "Gusto mo na ba talaga diyan?" It bothers me tha I can't really say yes. Not wholeheartedly, not even half.
And so, I think I wasn't my best a while ago. It was the final interview, yet my heart wasn't into it like the previous ones. So now, I'm really confused. If I managed to pass my final interview, and they offered me a job that is quite big for a fresh grad, will I accept it?

Still not sure, I'm considering it right now.

But more than that, I'm hoping to get in at this company that I have been dreaming to be working at my entire life.
Well, given my academic background, some would say I would not have enough knowledge with the job, writing in English and all sorts of things, but let me just say, that this is my dream job. And this is my first love. I have dreamed of working there my entire life!
and now I have the chance to turn my dreams into reality.
Guys, pray for me. I really, really want this job. I will do my best to prove to them how badly I want it.
And of course, I know that I am well fit for this company. I have been reading their magazine forever! Their first editor in chief was responsible for this drive that I have.
and so the bottomline is, I have been given a chance to get my lifelong dream. I will grab it, and God-willing, I WILL HAVE IT.

Hearing Angels?

2006-03-24T00:56:00.000-08:00

Well, who would've thought this day would turn out very spiritual for me?

I just came home from a short interview (note: final interview) and a long trip with my mom and her friend. They drive me to the place since it's sooo far from here! About the company, got nothing much to say, I was asked though, when I told the interviewer that I'm blogging, if what would I put on my blog about their company. Well, I told him sorts of stuff (all true!) but I wouldn't dare to put it here though, not because it's not likeable, it's just that I would rather talk about my unusual trip.

Now where would I start? hey, warning: it's gonna be super long. But you will find it enjoyable (I hope).

Let's start after the interview (which was rather nervewracking, I was having my final interview with the company at eight o'clock in the morning! sabaw pa utak ko nun, men!) Anyways, I finished the interview, not as confident as I was the last time (but in fact, still proud, because I can't believe I was called for the final interview when I didn't do quite good during the layout test) , **sorry for the numerous comments**

Ok, let's just cut to the chase, so there, I finished my interview with my mom and her friend picking me up, and then, we went to her friend's house (not the one with us in the car, but someone living in that area) to return the perfume she bought on my first interview, hence first day of their series of trips. We stayed for a while, they had a big house for three people. It sent me to imagining when my babe and I would finally settle down and have a home of our own. Anyways, I played with the cute lil girl for a while, and then we left to eat lunch. My mom had the idea of going to Silang, Cavite to visit my uncle who's a parish priest there, since we were already near the place. Her friend had another idea of dining at Tagaytay since it was on the way. So my mom came up with this idea of going to Pink Sisters to pray, so we all agreed, as for me, granted that we eat at Josephine's because I was craving for halo-halo. So after a pit stop at the atm machine, my mo m said she didn't have cash with her so we had to get some from the bank, and it wasn't as easy since her card got demagnitized because of her bag. Anyways, we ate lunch at Leslie's because my mom was already hungry and Josephine's was far pa. There was no halo-halo, but the baked mussels were superb! And the view was breathtaking, thus, more wishful thinking and daydreaming..."Kelan kaya kami makakpunta dun ng babe ko?"
Anyways, we had a big hearty lunch, and then had a few stopovers, I was with two moms, so expect that they were gonna stop once in a while to buy goodies, and take up a lot of time bargaining with the sellers.

Anyways, I wished I would've brought flowers to offer to Mama Mary if I had known that I would have a marvelous experience at Pink Sisters. So there, riding with two talkers in the car, imagine my surprise when I stepped down from it. There was heavenly silence at the place. I never whisper, but there I felt the need to. So we quietly walked towards the church where we found the pink sisters, all of them I suppose, praying fervently, and chattting hymns of praise. As I sat down, I marveled at the most beautiful sound I have ever heard in my entire life! I was in awe, and it was like getting into a trance. Their voices were enchanting, and for a moment I thought I heard heaven. Their voices were like that of angels, I never heard anyone in real life, but that time was like my first time hearing it. It was nothing like Gregorian from Harry Potter or Star Wars, it wasn't overpowering or scary at all. It was, as the word was floating on my mind the whole day, heavenly. At that time, I felt so peaceful, like I could just listen to them forever, and I remember telling myself, that if my relationship with my babe won't work out, I will be a Pink Sister. After hearing them pray, we all went to write our prayer petitions. I won't tell you about those, it will take another long blog. My mom went to buy a birthday prayer card for my grandma, while I went back to praying, thanking God for the wonderful experience, for making me get a feel of heaven. On the road, my mom made a comment that the voices of angels were like birds. I thought they really had wings, but they had faces, because they were angels. And not trying to make it sound like one of those sleazy Tagalog movies, but I have found my haven in that place. I know that when the world goes too crazy for me, I have somewhere to go, where I will truly find peace. I thanked God for making me see that in a really noisy and restless world, there is still a place where everything is all beautiful and holy. I thank God for I now have what I call.. a real sanctuary.

After that, we went to visit my uncle's parish. We didn't find him there, but we still got to appreciate the church. The whole structure of it. It was an old one, and it looked so sacred. Again, I thanked God as I marveled at His beautiful creation. The wonderful inspiration of His love that moved people to do the incredible work of art as a sign of praise. I was in awe as I looked at the piles of carvings of saints at the walls. I uttered a silent prayer, as they say, when you visit a church for the first time, you can make a wish. And so I did.

The whole time, I was giving all thanks to the Lord for letting me go on a little trip to marvel at the things done to give praise to Him. Work of art, heavenly voices for the glory of his name. It made me want to do more, to give more praises to Him.

And then at the end of my trip, I came to realize that indeed, angels are real. Not only with what I have seen and heard, but because of the people who I am with. They are angels. My mom is an angel. She woke up early in the morning to drive me to my interview, she prays for a lot of people a lot. The little baby we have at home is an angel. She woke me up so I wouldn't be late.

And at the end of this blog, I would be doing what I have been thinking while writing this. Giving thanks to my God for all his goodness, the splendor, the marvel that is my life.

once in a while mush

2006-03-12T02:25:00.000-08:00

**mush, mush**

i just can't get over it, my babe just did the sweetest thing! we were talking about something related to an activity, as in like, nowhere near sweet nor intimate, and then he just grabbed me by the waist and carried me in his arms! It was sooo cute! parang bagong kasal!

i'm the luckiest girl in the world!

and some for the slumbook, hehe

Are you allowed to have a bf?
~~yes, i guess so. Not before my babe

Describe yourself in one word when it
comes to
love?
~~passionate

Who would you pick someone who really
loves
you or the one you really love?
~~the one i really love...

Have you ever loved someone BEFORE
but
never had the courage to tell him/her?
~~yeah, but let me put an emphasis on the word BEFORE.

Does it feel good to love?
~~yes, if it's someone who loves you back, or even more.Ü

What will you say to someone who doesn't
want to believe you love him?
~~then let me just show you...

Which one hurts the most, he left you or
played
with you?
~~i wouldn't know, i never experienced being played with...

Was there ever a time that you tried to
learn
to love someone?
~~nope, i don't think so. I love with passion.

What's yOur opinion about someone who's
jealous?
~~welcome to the club!

What can you say about someone who
tries to
resist love?
~~one way or another, you won't know that it hit you right in the face.

What can you say about playboy and
playgirl?
~~you'll find your match sumday...

What can you say about those who hurt
you?
~~it's all worth it, i have sum1 who loves me so much now (whom i also love sooo much!)

What can you say to the person who loves
you
now?
~~forever starts from now...

How do you love?
~~with all my heart, i don't ask, i give my all

Are you fast on having a crush on
someone?
~~yep, but it disappears rin immediately

Are you the jealous type?
~~uhuh uhuh!

Yahoo! Hey friends!

2006-03-09T08:48:00.000-08:00

Wow, hello there, howr ya doin?

Well if you think this is gonna be different with my ice queen diary, then you might be disappointed.

It's still gonna be the same, me ranting and raving and getting all excited about the things i'm gonna write, but of course, since i'm a grown woman now (you'll never know how deep that last phrase meant) and i'm super happy with my love life, some point of views will be different.
And since I am now cosmogirl, expect me to cut down on the sweetness and be as levelheaded as i can be. You can also expect me to comment on some issues that I find relevant in my rather normal exciting life.
I LOVE YOU!
Now, where did that come from? Wala lang, i just like to say it.
it's great because last night (technically the other night), we (babe and i )ended our phone conversation fighting. But well, "Anong 'kala mo sa'kin? Di pa ko masasanay at mamamanhid sa ugali mo?" So i just let it pass, and thankfully, naayos naman just some hours ago. And we said, I LOVE YOU! it's cute, it's comforting, it's weird how we patched things up, how we understand each other despite our differences, it's unfathomable. It's LOVE.
Oops, didn't mean for that to get all mushy. Sorry, im gonna cut down on the mushiness in the long run, don't worry.

I'm just glad I have a new blog. It is a new chapter in my life I should say. I'm 'bout to work soon!

Honestly, it's just that, i'm not in the mood to make kwento yet. It's one o clock in the morning, little miss vixen, my bestfriend, is sleeping over, and we're watching PBB Celebrity Edition. Yes, we have 24/7. So thanks so much to Bianca, my new inspiration. I'm so in the mood to update my blog again. Anyways, kups (also how i call my bestfriend) gave me a set of wax/ hair-removing materials, to get me ready for the summer. Ain't that sweet? Actually, it was given to her by her aunt from the states, but being my opposite, she has no hair-removing problems to deal with. I have helluva lot of that. So I'm super glad she gave that to me.

We're getting ready for the summer! And I know it's gonna be one of the most exciting! Because I don't have to go back to school when summer's over, but maybe i have to get back to work.

But whatever the challenge is, I'm goin to be readY!
Look out world! Here comes cosmogirl!