Thursday, November 27, 2008
Maybe I'm tired of making excuses for you...why you're being so distant and cold.
Maybe I just want to see you, feel you do the things you said you would do. Maybe I'm sick of waiting. For something to come from your end. Maybe I'm tired of always being the first one to say hi. Or ask you how you are. Of starting the conversation between us...of asking stupid questions just so I can talk to you and know how you're doing.
Maybe I'm sick of waiting for things to become normal again. Or rather, to become exciting and fun again, as it usually is for the two of us.
Maybe we should try switching places. Maybe I should not email you or text you at all. And then you'll wonder what I'm doing. If I'm okay, and then you'll make up silly questions just to be able to talk to me, and feel that I'm still here. And then you'll know how it feels to be on my end of the bargain. Maybe I want to regain my pride and do that, just wait for your text or email, or call... But I know that I can't help it. I'll miss you too much. My day's not complete without hearing from you. Maybe I should try that.
Or maybe, as you put it, I'm being makulit. Maybe I'm rushing things. Maybe I'm being too impatient. Maybe I'm ungrateful, that at least you text me when you get home just for me to know that your safe. Because that's what's important right?
Or maybe I just really miss you. Your silly jokes and your comments. And our talks. And you calling me. Your voice. You making me laugh incessantly. Your 'I love yous'. Our 'i love yous.' I know, its just that you make everyday brighter for me. Like I have someone with me as I go through my day, however good or bad or boring or exciting it may be.
So now I feel lonely... and I cant tell anyone... because I know, I'm hopeful things will turn up when you come back. And of course I know you love me. Immeasurably. That is something that's not a maybe. So I'll hold on, until that day. I won't give up on us. Not today, not ever.
I just cant wait for the day when I'll wrap you in a tight embrace, and then I'll know how it feels to be in bliss again. So now I'll just let these tears flow, along with my many frustrations and fears of the unknown, and hopefully in time, you'll be here to wipe them off my face. And then you'll light up my day, like you always do.
You said you would do it again. I'm waiting.
another adventure for COSMOGIRL!
