Delaying Gratification

We were never that close to begin with; and there was even a point that I was hesitant with your friendship. I respected you, but never really treasured the moments that we had. Your presence annoyed me sometimes, so I treated you with a little indifference, tried to put a distance between, when you were reaching out to get to know me.

It never dawned on me that you'll be gone so soon. You looked so strong; classified among the sporty types. A little pale in my opinion, but I never thought it was because you were sick.

So when news spread that you were diagnosed with a serious disease, I was shocked. I always thought of you as the brave, arrogant one, so I somehow believed that you were going to be okay. There were times that I wanted to visit, but other things would always keep me occupied. I never thought the time left would be so short.

And now you have passed and I can’t believe it. You seemed so young and had your whole life ahead of you. Most of our friends refer to you as their basketball coach; my brothers experienced being under your coaching. They saw you as a dedicated and friendly mentor. They would surely miss you on the sidelines. I wasn’t that close to your kids who are all so young, but I can tell when you take care of them and provide for them, that you are a loving father. It would have been great for them to still have you around as they grow up.

But what I really admired from you was how you looked at your wife. You had some sort of brusque personality; joking around with the other men, acting all sly and self-assured, but when you hold her hand and puts her before anything, you looked so cool in my eyes.

With the way you stay by her side, you could have gotten jeers from the other men; but it was evident, that after many years of marriage, you and Tita still had stars in your eyes; showing your affection for her did not make you dyahe, instead you looked so proud. I envied your wife for that, and considered you a rarity among men. I wish someday, my husband would be as affectionate, as demonstrative with his feelings for me. I always tell you that, and that might be the single compliment that I sincerely gave you.

The last time I saw you, it was a common friend’s party, and I was busily running around the place since I was one of the organizers. I noticed you and Tita, sitting far away from your peers. You had the table to yourselves; it was like you were on a date. I really thought it was sweet, and I made it known to you when I approached your table to give you a stub for a cupcake. Had I known that it would be the last time that I would see you alive, I would have laughed with you more, spent time to honor you.

I wondered how you looked at Tita on your last eye-to-eye, how you poured your love on your last heart-to-heart conversation. I could have been there. I could have learned more from you. I could have asked for your support in my concerns and supported you as well. I could have swooned at your story on how you fell in love with Tita. I could have asked you what is was about her that makes you look at her that way. How should I be so that my future husband would also have that look for me? It would have been a great bonding moment; and I could have talked to you about YFC, and how important your contribution was.

But alas, your time is over and I would just be stuck on hearing anecdotes about you on your burial. And the “Thank You”s are long overdue. But as they say, it’s better late than never.

I believe that the people we meet in this life are just there by chance. I believe they come into our lives with a purpose; a lesson. So thank you for being a part of mine. It was a short stint, and somehow there are a few regrets from my end, only because I didn’t take the time to know you more and empathize.

You were a great man. And when that time comes that my husband looks at me with stars in his eyes, I will surely be reminded of you.