Saturday, November 22, 2008
I cry when I'm upset, I'm restless when I'm excited. I'm afraid of too many things, and sometimes my imagination gets the better of me.
My friends say that I'm too giving for my own good. And I care too much that I tend to meddle. My family say that I'm a dork. But I please them as much as I can.
Sometimes people don't know that they hurt me, but I don't care, and its not a big deal. I forgive them because I love them.
I used to say, that I want to have the power to love someone passionately. But maybe, for someone with a weak heart as me, I should take the reins and get a hold of it. Because no matter how I say that its okay and pretend that it didn't matter when they hurt me, this heart gives out a sudden jolt and shakes its head, because it knows that the wounds from those it love the most are the ones that causes so much pain...
When I love someone, I love them to annoyance. Most of the time, when I love them so much, its a lot that I drive them away.
Maybe I shouldn't love as much, to be able to keep them.
I used to hold back a lot, afraid that they might hurt me if I let my feelings out. But they all mistook it for oblivion, so they left.
But now that I love and give it all I got, now that I wear my heart on my sleeves, it drowns them, enough to take the next ship out. And so I still hurt them.
So now I don't know... for he really matters to me. Needless to say, I can't live without him. But I keep hurting him, so maybe its best to set him free. But I know that's not what my heart wants for me. Because even though he hurts me at times, and it feels like my heart is being shattered, he still makes me the happiest girl in the universe. My love for him is... beyond words. I would do anything to keep him and make him happy...
Hay... Lord, give me wisdom..and courage... to do the next right thing. I know you love me, and you know what's best for me. I believe in your plan... and I will be faithful.
another adventure for COSMOGIRL!
