Him working abroad, I knew it was gonna come, because that was how he mapped out his career. We've been talking about it naman way before pa, the moment he passed his board exams. That he'll apply for work here in the Philippines, but knowing that this is really not a good place for mechanical engineers (with the work compensation and everything), he's just in it for experience, and to learn more about his field. And then he'll try to apply for work abroad. He told me naman about his plans from the start, psyching me to be prepared, and explaining to me that he wanted to do it for his family, and his future (our future?).

Being this woman who loves all things beautiful and artsy, like literature and shopping, and is a fan of "There's no place like home" mentality, it never crossed my mind to leave the country and look for "greener pastures." But it's different with him and it's different when you're a man. It's already hard to earn and spend money when you're single, what more if you're a man who has to provide for a family? He didn't wanna leave home, but he feels that he has to, to become a good citizen and Christian, to become a great dad and father someday. Whoa, whatta speech. And in my case, I just believe that I have found the love of my life, and honestly, I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. I didn't wanna be away from him, but if it means speeding up our savings for the future, then I just have to support him.

I was kind of ready for it, I guess. Besides, it was really part of his job, even when he was still in his previous company, that he'll be going abroad to check the powerplants that they design, or some sort. There were several times when he said that he was about to leave the country, but always ends up not pushing through with it. I was kind of ready for it, in a way. But in all honesty, nothing prepared me for that day.

Note:
You can read this blog entry by installment. It can be very long to finish in one sitting, I understand.

It was some time in May when he told me that his officemates forwarded his resume to an agency, for work opportunities abroad. He got a call for an interview, and we really prayed for it. He asked me to pray for the offer, and for God to reveal His plans. Months before that, he even considered leaving his profession to be a full-time worker in YFC. But we discerned it and he chose to stay as an engineer. He was half-hearted about leaving, I was half-hearted about letting him leave as well, but we prayed for it. If in that way that we could ensure our future and have the resources to help our loved ones and other people, most of all, if God wills it, then let it be done. A few weeks later, he got called for another interview. And after a week, it was set that he will be leaving for Abu Dhabi.

What followed were weeks of rollercoaster rides, full of ups and downs. I was happy for him, that he finally got his break in his career. But thinking about that day, about being a way from him just leaves me staring into space for hours. What made it even harder was we didn't know the date yet. The agency still had to arrange his VISA, working permit and the likes so we didn't know when it was gonna be. We didn't talk about it at once because it seemed so far pa, but we knew that it was coming. We were torn between taking it slow and making the most of the time left. It was June when he casually texted me that the agency called and that he'll be leaving on the sixth of July. Boom, that just ended my self-denial. He really was gonna leave.

I was a mess after that. I could stare into space for hours, with only that in mind. I was slowly losing my mind. One weekend away from him and I miss him already, what more for almost two years? Again, I was torn between dwelling on my thoughts, or just making the most of the time with him. I was a complete disaster. I was so into spending most of my time with him (and that, I don't regret) but he said it makes him uneasy and even more anxious about his leaving, so I cry everytime, knowing that I'll miss him so much. Good thing God, and our community was around. If I didn't pray, I would've been crazy by now. My prayers, my faith in God's plan kept me sane, is still keeping me sane up to now.

I'm sure you wouldn't want me to dwell on how mad (crazy, I mean) I was during that time, so fast forward to weeks before his departure. I really took time to make sure every minute's worth it. As much as I want to spend every single minute with him, I tried to arrange every despedida for him, or some sort of get-together with some of our friends on different dates. And some were successful. I went on leave three days before his departure, made sure I'd spend as much time with him as I can. I watched his last game at MHI, we had dinner with some of our trusted advisers in the community, went to Batangas for a weekend with our peeps, he played basketball with his friends from his village, he even had dinner with my family, we also had our date for our monthsary, few movies and just chill time in his house. We tried to enjoy and take our mind off his departure, but it was just hard not to think about it. So I engaged in my private moments of thinking, staring into space, not saying as much because I just hate to be a party-pooper and spoil the rest of his time here.

The day before the sixth, I was already hesitant to leave my house to go to his place and see him. I didn't know if I can take it. But of course I had to be brave and make the most of our time nga. So I still went there and found him packing his stuff already. And I swear for a moment there I stopped breathing. This is it. The day went by so fast. We were packing, then I accompanied him to the gym, then we went to the mall to meet his dad and brother for a movie (Die Hard 4), and to buy more stuff for him. We went to mass and tried to go to confession, but the priest had to leave for a previous engagement. Then we headed back home to pack. Some moments we just keep quiet and contemplate about what is happening, some moments we both try to back out, him telling me that he'll call the agency to say that he changed his mind, and me, telling him not to leave... or we try to recall if we forgot to put something in his suitcase. After dinner, some friends came by to say goodbye. And despite them pushing me to sleep at his house (my boyfriend's leaving the next day, what better excuse, right?), we know we just couldn't. And I didn't want to come with him to the airport the next day (Aimee warned me about it, it can get so ugly, you can just lose yourself at the airport, then you can get so ugly!!), so I waited for most of his friends to leave and we had our moment to talk.

Trust me, no words can just explain how it felt, lying beside your boyfriend, you're both staring in the cieling. And you try to let this song help you tell him how you're really feeling. We hugged and for that moment, I didn't wanna let go. I cried, but stopped myself from crying too much, I didn't want to make it harder for him. His bestfriends and neighbor were still waiting outside and it was one o'clock in the morning, so they had to drop me home. I remember tossing and turning on my bed, trying to sleep, and thinking whether I should see him off at the airport, or I should just stay at home and cry. I fell asleep, after an hour.

And despite Aimee's warning (and I believe her), and my babe telling me that it's okay if I don't wanna go with him to the airport (to make it less hard for him to say goodbye), Kuya Raymund told me that I just cant, and shouldn't miss the airport scene, since it happens like, once in a lifetime for some people. And I still wanted to spend more time with him, so I came the next day. They fetched me from my house and we (his brother, Kuya Aris, his bestfriend Doy and I) drove him to the airport. We met some of his officemates who are going with him. While at the car and while waiting, we all tried to act calm and normal. I held his hand the whole time on the road, still making the most out of the remaining hours. In the airport, we talked about normal things but honestly, my mind was spinning, my heart was thumping.

Then it was time for him to go. And everything was in slow motion. And when he said that it ws time to say goodbye, I held my tears. He started crying as he hugged his brother, which was painful for him since it was Kuya Aris' birthday, and they just have this thing only brothers can understand. He hugged his mom, and for a fact, I know, and I've accepted that he's gonna miss her the most. And then he hugged me. And that's the part where tears flowed down my face. I tried to hold on longer, but I knew that he really had to leave. He just told me to take care of myself, I wanted to tell him a lot of things about how much I'm gonna miss him and I don't know what I'd do without him but I guess, we both were really in a daze that time, there was not much room for words. So he then hugged Doy, who was kinda like his brother na rin. Babe walked away from us, and as cheesy as it may seem in movies and drama anthologies, those things happen pala in real life. Lalo na as we watch him walk away, and he turned his back and waved, and I waved, I remember that I was trying to smile, when it was actually piercing my heart.

And tears couldn't stop flowing. For a while it was me and his mom, and then I realized, it was just me who was still crying. Babe texted me as soon as he can, but I was still crying in the car. And at every text message. They dropped me off in my house, where I cried as soon as I realized I'm alone. Texting with Doy and Aimee helped ease the pain, but I just can't stop crying that day. I was supposed to go to work in the afternoon, but figured out that I couldn't. So I just spent the whole afternoon with my mom for some errands, trying to get a hold of myself, but everytime she looks away, I think about him, cry and pray.

And hard as it may seem, I still came back to his house that night. It was Kuya Aris' birthday. And I wanted to make sure how they were doing. Or in a way, I wanted to be with them, knowing that there are people around me who are thinking about him too. I didn't stay longer, knowing that no one would be there to take me home. When I got home, Babe texted me that they reached their stopover. And that was the start of our long-distance relationship.

It's been a month and twenty-six days now. And we're still going strong. Honestly, I know we will. We can do this, we can wait. There's a powerful, and unbeatable force helping us to get through. There are days when I just get so crazy missing him so much, but there's no better way to fight the depression calling our almighty backer up there. Sure there are times when we can't help but argue (it's inevitable, we're still a normal couple despite the LDR), but we see our way through it. We exchange emails on Sundays to Thursdays, and call each other during the week ends. No chats online yet, but I guess, this setup is working anyways.

In fairness, the distance has taught us to be more mature in our relationship. It taught us to be more patient and understanding. Less unecessry bickering, and more listening and trying to reach out to each other. I guess it's true when they say that absence only makes the heart grow fonder. I just can't wait to be in his arms again. And so does he, I think. This long-distance relationship can be iffin hard, but I know it's gonna be worth the wait. Besides, it's September already! In a while it'll be December, and then I will only have to wait for a year!! Haha, that thought gets me through, more than anyone can imagine.

So there. That's the story, but there's a lot more happening everyday. I don't know how to end this entry, so I'll just end by thanking the people who care about us (enough that they even read this). Who checks on us, if we're doing okay, as a couple and individually. Well I assure you, we're doing great =) Please keep on praying for us.

And sharing with you a part of this song, which is basically my theme song for this phase. It's by pareng Rod Stewart. And this I dedicate to my babe: "When I'm with you, I just close my eyes and I 'm with you, and all that I so want to give you, it's only a heartbeat away."

With us, there will be no goodbyes. This separation of us is only temporary. Let's hold on to that, and keep praying Babe. I'm not letting go, not ever. God is so great, and I'm faithful that this is all part of His beautiful plan for us. He included this LDR part to show how wonderfully he crafts every love story. Each one different from the other. That despite the hardships and sacrifices, it's all going to be worth it. And I believe that this phase is just a worthy chapter in our life together. And we'll appreciate it when we look back, finally one, and basking in His glory. :)) I'm proud of you, and you know it already, I love you forever, Babe.

More notes:

• I still cry everytime I remember the day before he left, and the airport scene. Well, I still cry everytime, going to his house, seeing his room, and more...
• It took me four days to finally finish this entry.
• If you ever reach this part of my entry, thank you. :))