Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Friends...
since when has it become such a lonely word?
Oh, i dunno, since he asked us to start of as such?!
Bitter? I really don't know. In a way, I guess I asked for it. Like when we were together-
together, I would ask him if he wants us to be friends
muna,
para walang commitments, walang responsibilities, He can be free. It's just that, we're waay far from a future together, I don't want us to stay together for a long, long time and just get too
umay, and sick of each other. I wanted to give him space to breathe, rest assured that in five years or so, when he's ready to settle down or something, he'll choose to be with me.
Whenever I say that to him, he'll freak out, and ask me flat out if I was planning something, to get him out of my life. Of course not, I would revert.
And now it just feels weird. He asked us to be friends
...muna. And I agreed. Yep, I agreed, can you believe that? Well, you see, the night before, we had this big, big fight and decided to break up. I thought it'll take nights for him to talk to me again, but apparently no. He texted me and told me if he can have his GG back (GG - God's Gift). So we started texting again, and just a while ago, he asked if I want us to start off as friends, to start from scratch, no commitments, no responsibilities and the like...
bam! Just when you thought everything was fine... that everything would be back to normal...Oh well...
Anyway, so I verified from him quite a number of times, if that's what he really wanted. And he just kept saying that it's up to me. But hel-lo? I was so not in the position to argue with him at that time. I was not in the position to assert what I wanted. And besides, he does have a point somehow. I mean, what's so bad with becoming friends? We can do what we want, without limits, we won't fight about stuff like commitment, broken promises, priorities, stuff that only make love a lot complicated. And for the record, I asked him if being friends meant being free to date or even look at other people, not talking and seeing each other not often as before, and this is what he replied: "
Di ako maghahanap ng iba. Ikaw lang ang mahal ko, alam mo yun." So, I guess there's really no need to worry right?
So the bottomline is, I agreed. Let this one be his call, for once.
Bahala na siya dumiskarte sa aming dalawa. As for me, as long as we're still together, then I'm good. As long as we still love each other. Because I still love him, and last time I checked he still loves me. As long as we stay together. It won't hurt to try that setup, right?
I may seem so okay about the whole thing, but the truth is, my mind's spinning with the change. Agreeing to that setup means not being in a steady relationship with him, it means throwing away all our plans together. It means a greater possibility of waking up one morning and finding out that he has moved on. It means a greater possibility of having no future with him... and as it slowly starts to creep on me, it breaks my heart...But heck no! I will be brave this time. If we're really meant to be together, then we will be... Just keep the faith...
So, now, let's do this thingie?
another adventure for COSMOGIRL!
