Monday, January 22, 2007
I wrote this while I was drinking, with my high school friends and new cool peeps to hang-out with. I wrote this, not because I want to appear overly artsy and deep-gal, and impress the new people we were with that night, but because I want to find the truth, get a better gauge of my feelings, and understand myself better through writing. I wouldn't know if this would be a good written material to you, but suit yourself anyway...Is this party really a PaRtY?The night I slid and tried to redeem myselfI wrote this while I was drinking...yep, rum-coke, that's what they call it.
After more than a year of abstinence...
Who draws the line between what is fun, and what is make-believe?
Do I really enjoy it, or do I want to appear that I'm enjoying it to seem cool around their presence ?
What are my dreams? I've gotten so confused. Just when everything seems to be in place...
A while ago, I went to the church and prayed for stability, but now I'm more confused than ever.Will I be doing this for the rest of my life? Or I'm just pretending (to have gotten over that 'phase' ) and I'll be backsliding in the near future? I'm so scared, I dunno what's gonna happen next...
And then after a few rounds of contemplating, and passing for a shot, I finally smiled, pushed away the shot glass, and began to write again...And then I think of you...The first, only and enough reason why I'm like this, why I chose to be like this, why I shoved away the shot glass and said pass to another round...and turn away from it, for life.
Why I chose to be in the light.
(These perceived cool people,) they are even one of the reasons why I chose to be with you. Why I will always choose to be with you.
To face the future with you, amidst the fear I feel inside. Though afraid...that we might get lost..
Than stay in my past without you, where I can predict doom.
Hold my hand, don't let go of me.And although I don't know what the future holds, I'll stay with you. Knowing that together, we'll find our way.
another adventure for COSMOGIRL!
