Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Facing my fears...
Pushing myself to the limit...
Giving my best shot...
...all for the sake of faith, dreams, love and happiness.
I don't know how long I can take all this pressure, but all I know is that I'm pushing myself to the farthest I can reach.
Weh, papaka-deep girl na naman...And then, insecurities bite again. It sucks because I know I'm so blessed. I'm happy with the way have been brought up. My family, friends, my job, everything. I may have other dreams that I want to pursue, some silly things that I need to troubleshoot, but all in all, I'm contented. So why am I feeling insecure with that girl, his college days crush? I dunno, maybe because I read his testimonial on her friendster account when he was so crushing on her. He was like all praises for that girl, while he knows all my imperfections. She seems so bright and 'sunny' all over, while he knows my moods, he know I can be such a snob, a brat, a b*tch, at times, especially when I have migraine attacks. Maybe because they loved her the first time they met, while I have been trying to make them like me since forever. Maybe because she's the typical girl-next-door that every good boy can fall in love with: chinita, pampered, athletic, outgoing, friendly to guys, while I'm... just me I guess. Pinay na Pinay with no trace of foreign ancestry whatsoever, commuter,
madungis minsan dahil sa pagcommute, gaining weight because I'm so lazy to exercise, somewhat introverted,
minsan isnabera, minsan mabait. May topak, malabo magsalita, mag-explain. Hindi magaling magbigay ng advice. Clumsy, laughingstock. And he knows all of that.
Anong laban ko sa babaeng tulad niya?Well, fast forward to our fight last night, in front of our friends tito bong and tita tin, because we were arguing in the rain and they reckoned we get inside their car and sort things out. How did things get this bad between us? Maybe because we always thought love will be enough. But it won't, at times when we need to talk but we'd rather avoid arguments and confrontation. We were so afraid to hurt each other other that we end up doing it soo badly. Well, we ought to talk pa to iron things out, but I'm glad that we ended the night (well, it was morning na actually) having said the things that really matter, faith, trust, friendship, keeping promises, apologies, and love... And it didn't matter if my eyes are all puffy now. At least, I slept sound with him calling me his love again...
Whoa, i'm so anticipating Christmas na. Two weeks to go and I'll be off on our Christmas vacay. I'm so excited to take a break and just spend quality time with my loved ones.
...and a week passed without me touching this blog entry. So yeah, we had 'the talk' already... and what happened, let's just say I'm in my mushy zone again, and I never wanna get out of here! I know God answers prayers. Well, sa araw-araw kong dalangin ng pagtibayin niya yung amin, alam kong aayusin Niya kung kahit gaano na kagulo.
oh well, time to work again, ttyl pals!
another adventure for COSMOGIRL!
