Tuesday, November 14, 2006
a lot of you might think that I only make sensible, blog-worthy entries when I'm troubled or depressed. When I'm sad, that's the only time you get to see the deep, contemplating me. Is it because, "I'm Cosmogirl", I'm supposed to be telling you about
'the party that is, my life', about relationships, friends, gimmicks, shopping and makeup in a very chick point of view... I know, I can't get enough of talking about those, right? And talking about deep, serious, heartbreaking, soul-searching stuff, it's not part of my image...
But it doesn't always have to be that way...
Okay, now I'm kind of pressured because of what I said, add to the fact that Im gonna be late (again!) for work.
Parang nawala na yung mga makabuluhang sasabihin ko at gusto ko na lang bumalik sa pagka-mababaw.I lost my wallet, two days ago... and losing it came with realizations when I never expected it to hit me at that time.
Babe and I were not talking in the shuttle because he was pissed
AGAIN at how I managed to make him wait for me AGAIN. These are our issues, but anyways, by the time we got off the transportation, we patched things up and he was already wooing me to feel better, because I was so sad that he never runs out of reasons to be mad at me =( so when we were walking towards the tricycle stop, he asked me if I have coins. And then, that's when I remembered about my wallet. I accidentally left it in the shuttle. And just as I was about to cry because that was my first time to lose a wallet, and it had a lot of important things (like ATM, IDs, health cards) and money (
yabang!) in it, and I know that it's been such a long day for the both of us, and he's really tired, plus the fact that his teeth is aching because of the expansion screw so I know he was gonna be irritated at me again, but he just held me tightly, apologized ( which is a big thing for me, because given his pride, I usually do that part) that he was too hard on me a while ago, and told me, "Don't cry
na, hanapin na lang natin, andyan pa yun." Grabe, for some reason,
dun bumaba yung pride ko. Because here I go again, always thinking that I'm the 'right' one in our relationship.
Pero hindi pala ganun. At times that I really feel so low, and I'm in my
'wala na kong ginawang tama' moods, he's there to catch me, carry me and sustain me (and get some sense in my head at times when I'm being such a brat). And that is what's really important to me. And everytime he clasps his hand with mine, I feel safe, I feel secure. I know he'll never let go of me. Of course I got that 'sermon' from him again when when brought me home that night, but at least he was gentler this time.
While we were walking and looking for that lost wallet, I found myself thinking of the money in it. I wanted it badly so I can pay Wena for the loads of awesome stuff I bought from her, so that I can buy a top from Zara for Lifestyle Network's event tomorrow, where all the bigwigs in fashion is gonna be, and so that I can splurge all my earnings at that Bazaar. Then it hit me. Have I been thinking of money too often than before? When I wasn't earning yet, I never cared about how much money I have in my wallet as long as it sustains me throughout the day. As long as I have little to buy trinkets for my babe and for my peeps. As long as I have a few extra in case I get lost in the big cities and resort to getting a cab. As long as I can grab a bite at McDo when I feel hungry on my way home... Gosh, I just realized that I had gotten way too materialistic. Blinded by all the designer brands, the
fasyon, the extremely sheltered life. I was almost shattered when I lost that money. Maybe because I worked for it. But that's not reason enough for me to start feeling so poor. Like just three days into the next payday, I still thought it wasn't gonna be enough. For all my
luho. Money suddenly became my refuge, I relied on it to make please me. Then I realized, what two very important people (babe and my father) told me that night,
"Pera lang 'yan". But I know now that without the expensive clothes, designer labels and extremely sheltered life, I am still blessed. I have a good job with a modest salary, the status of my family still enables me to have a well-sheltered life. I am happy and healthy with my loved ones, and I know that rich or penniless, they will love me nonetheless. Those are the things that really matter.
So, with Christmas coming up, the challenge for me is to be like the Cams that I used to be when giving gifts, put more thought than amount into it. And to spend more for others. Not to care too much about salary, and money. And cut down on shopping sprees, and window shopping!!! Yes, a bazaar is still a bazaar, and who could resist fab finds on discount? Okay Cams, have it your way, shop, but not til you drop, and do not haggle!! You do that at Divisoria, not at Glorietta or Rockwell!! Are we clear on that?
Okay, back into my uber Cosmogirl mode... Have to go to work, byeee!!
kilig mode: I'm loving this song ryt now, by idol Sarah Geronimo...
"Carry my love through all the seasons, carry my heart inside the reasonsYou are my prayer at my every thought, that I will guard at any cost.You are my safe inside the storm, and in your arms I am at home.Every emotion that's uncharted, gives me a joy from where we started..."I'm cheesy and I know that!!!
another adventure for COSMOGIRL!
