Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Excuse me if I'm in no mood to party now...
I just feel so lost...
I don't know what's happening. Worse, i don't know what's gonna happen. I doubt that things will be back to normal again. After all that he said and admitted.
Even if we choose to be with each other again, I know it's gonna take a while. But that's just a possibility more than a definite thing, that's just a 'maybe' instead of 'it will be'. Unlike before where he said that he just needs time for us to think and assess what's going on in our relationship, now there's actually no guarantee that he'll be coming back. He even said, "
Siguro dadating yung time na ireregret ko tong decision ko..." I don't know if that's final or for the moment lang. I so want to believe that it's the latter. I really hope it is...
There's a tiny weird feeling that hit me. I would again go back to the times when I would be excited. Brought about by the clueless-ness of what's gonna happen the next day. More so, in the future. Waking up eager to see what the world has in store for you today. That each day is a whole new adventure rather than just a chapter leading to the most anticipated future. A little part of me is eager to experience being happy go lucky again.
But then, what is that compared to that wonderful feeling of knowing that today and tomorrow's an adventure, but not an entirely different course from the other. Because today, or tomorrow, someone's gonna be there to make you smile. To laugh at your every adventure, to assess with you. Cry with you at every failure and comfort you at disappointment. Someone's there to give you a pat on the back when you're at the lowest and urge you not to give up, and go on. Yes, because he's with you at every adventure, though sometimes he let's you take some part on your own, because he knows you can do it by yourself. and you let him have his way at some parts to, because you know he'll do great. But you know that you're at the same course, you complement each other. You know that when you're tired, he'll be there to carry you. And when he feels he can't go on, you'll be around to give him a little push.
And then the most anticipated future is just the culmination of all the adventures that you surpassed together. That it would certify that you're ready for a higher level. A whole new, and different course...Wouldn't it be better to wake up knowing that you're moving up at your adventure rather than starting and starting at the bottom...
I don't know... So what now? Is this just a chapter, a level in our adventure, or the sad ending where I take a fall? One that will hurt me so bad I don't know if I can ever stand up again...
Everythings okay during the day, yeah i get caught staring in space a lot of times, but it's not totally miserable... But when I'm alone, at night, I cry myself to sleep. I sooo miss him...
Babe, come back :'(
another adventure for COSMOGIRL!
