Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Last night, was one of the lowest nights I've had...
I dunno what entered my mind that I suddenly had the urge to open other people's friendster pages, and I came across that of my boyfriend's ex crushes...
and i read his testi for her...
and I cried...
It's just that, he's all praises for that girl. And although he wrote that testi waaaay before we got together, I just felt this big surge of insecurity gushing at me. While I'm reading it, I saw that he was really into her... and I just felt super low...
I feel like crying everytime I think about it. Did he just settle for me, because he can't be with her? Am I just second-best? I don't think I could ever live with that...
It sucks because I know I'm not his ideal girl. I don't know if I ever will be...
I know it's insane, because he has proved to me, in every way that it's me he loves, and he'll be with me forever. We've talked about that a million times already.
But why do I feel so insecure? It's like I always have to keep getting better to measure up to those girls. I know he's not asking that from me, but I just feel like I have to do that. I feel so competitive... What is wrong with me? shux...even I don't know...
If he would have the chance to have a new life, would he still pick me to be his girl?
I badly want to know the answer to that...
another adventure for COSMOGIRL!
